I watched I Capture the Castle for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It made me think of Stealing Beauty the movie with Liv Tyler, even though these two movies didnt have much in common aside from similar themes of self-discovery and young love.
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There are few things that are as debilitating as frenzied paranoia - the obnoxious unerring certainty that everything I do is monitored. I feel that everything I do online and offline is seen by the all-knowing and all-seeing eye. I constantly feel as if I have no private life. And if I manage to have one for a little while, I am enormously guilty for "hiding" things they might not approve of. (Clarification: "they" refers to over-protective parents...they should be private investigators or something).
Every night I dream of being "near Death." I am chased by an assortment of strangers, or very upsetting OLD Ex-Boyfriends. They are coming after me, trying to kill me, but I manage to escape by the narrowest of margins (typically by flying away).
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I've glimpsed the future, and all I can say is: GO BACK.
Truism: IT IS BETTER TO BE PISSED OFF THAN PISSED ON.
p.s.
Do you know what is befuddling and fascinating at the same time? Writing journal entries that seem so much like other people's yet without meaning to. It's frightening how the creation and dissemination of "original" ideas is so scarce that the same things get re-worked and recycled time and again unbeknownst to most. And then it makes me want to scream out in frustration: "what can I write that will not bore everyone to tears? what can I write that nobody has read at least three other times in some similar fashion?" This is why I try to avoid entries that are syrupy sorrowful and gloomy doomy, and overly introverted. No one likes reading filthy desolation because everyone can go on and on about it for ages if they wished. So yeah, I try but I usually falter and fail.
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There are few things that are as debilitating as frenzied paranoia - the obnoxious unerring certainty that everything I do is monitored. I feel that everything I do online and offline is seen by the all-knowing and all-seeing eye. I constantly feel as if I have no private life. And if I manage to have one for a little while, I am enormously guilty for "hiding" things they might not approve of. (Clarification: "they" refers to over-protective parents...they should be private investigators or something).
Every night I dream of being "near Death." I am chased by an assortment of strangers, or very upsetting OLD Ex-Boyfriends. They are coming after me, trying to kill me, but I manage to escape by the narrowest of margins (typically by flying away).
----
I've glimpsed the future, and all I can say is: GO BACK.
Truism: IT IS BETTER TO BE PISSED OFF THAN PISSED ON.
p.s.
Do you know what is befuddling and fascinating at the same time? Writing journal entries that seem so much like other people's yet without meaning to. It's frightening how the creation and dissemination of "original" ideas is so scarce that the same things get re-worked and recycled time and again unbeknownst to most. And then it makes me want to scream out in frustration: "what can I write that will not bore everyone to tears? what can I write that nobody has read at least three other times in some similar fashion?" This is why I try to avoid entries that are syrupy sorrowful and gloomy doomy, and overly introverted. No one likes reading filthy desolation because everyone can go on and on about it for ages if they wished. So yeah, I try but I usually falter and fail.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
suoda:
and i can't even write journal entries! my brain seems to fake it when it comes to conversation. this leads to the everlasting lack of journal entry frustration. my life is just less meaningful than the other SGers. yea.
shard:
Honey bees, bumble bees, killer bees, all useless categorizations. It boils down to the DO bees and the DONT bees. DO bees think things through and get things done. They take action and succeed. Sometimes their actions dont end in success, but they keep trying and find pleasure in the PROCESS more than the final PRODUCT, thereby creating happiness where otherwise none may be found. DONT bees think big and act little. They dream and drift, and endlessly dawdle and fear change. They may have inspiration but lack the initiative. They have ideas but no follow-through. BE A DO BEE! STOP BEING A DONT BEE, for the love of yourself if not God. THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE between TAKING ADVANTAGE of your skills and creativity RATHER THAN taking advantage of those who are still TAKING CARE of YOU! Stop annoying me with your woe is me journal entries. Your glum disposition is ruining the bee hive. STOP moaning and groaning. STOP BEE-LITTLING yourself. The luxury of idleness has taken over the modern world. BEE useful. VOLUNTEER your time for charitable organizations. OR if you dislike organizations, BE YOUR OWN VEHICLE FOR SOCIAL CHANGE. START by leaving your zone of comfort. TAKE RISKS! FALL OVER and GET BACK UP! GET A FUCKING JOB! IF YOU DONT WANT A FUCKING JOB, then I REPEAT, STOP taking advantage of those who SUPPORT YOU. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO MAKE YOURSELF SO! You have issues, AND SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! What is trouble but a common denominator among ALL PEOPLE? Everyone has TROUBLES/PROBLEMS but the difference between the SUCCESSFUL AND THE FAILURES is that one group CHOOSES to do something about it, rather than dream about it. You claim you are intelligent but apparently not enough to take a challenge and take charge of your emotions. DO NOT DENIGRATE YOURSELF. LIVE WHAT YOU DREAM. BECOME WHO YOU WISH TO BE. THE COMING OF AGE phase and the NEED TO FIND YOURSELF craze is SO BLAS! STOP THINKING SO MUCH OF YOURSELF THAT YOU END UP THINKING SO LITTLE OF YOURSELF. YOUR EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS are controllable. YOU HAVE THE POWER. YES YOU SUCK BUT YOU CAN CHANGE!