Nothing profound or interesting to say today...it looks like I'm not going to be able to go back to school this term--maybe summer session or in the fall, but for now it looks like workworkwork.
Funny thing about the office environment--never had a "straight job" before this one, so I'm kinda coming to this as an outsider, and maybe this is no surprise to those of you that have long-term experience with this kinda stuff, but...wow, hierarchy can bring out the sadist in folks who are otherwise cowards, y'know? I'm not one to believe that "power corrupts, period", but...some of the behavior I see in this setting (the management culture") is totally unacceptable in soooo many ways. Again, it's no "shocker"--just further confirmation that we, as a species, need "some work".
A sign on sticky boards around my current job: "Work sucks, but I need the bucks".
It's really odd for me in this place--I stick out so much (what's that old Zen saying? "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down"? Yeesh...)--not necessarily visually so much (I wear black, and wear it well, so what?), but rather in terms of my "vibe"...shades of NYC's streets, a youth spent in punk clubs and dive bars, galleries, poetry workshops and rehearsal spaces, sitting on LES stoops drinking 40's of Olde E with the gutterpunks and skins debating Bakunin and Andre Breton and Baudelaire and Philip K. Dick...life is honestly weird.
If I hadn't gotten sick, moved back in with with my folks while recovering, moved to the burbs with them when they sold the old place, etc. I wouldn't be where I am now...miserable, but for "the feelthy lucre"...puts a not so amusing spin on the line in "Clash City Rockers" about either sacking in one's stupid job or shutting the fuck up and pretending that one is enjoying one's life becuase "one has money"--hmmph, but I don't have any money.
They say that enduring the unpleasant for the sake of a higher goal is how the spirit is forged...I just need to remember that it could be worse...I have a few dead friends, and I almost died myself some years ago...so...ah, but still--doesn't change how disconnected from myself I've been feeling since I started this little experiment..."Credit In The Straight World"=dogshit. Well, at least I know I don't want this anymore...just have to still my urges for a dramatic/poetic "burn all my bridges forever" exit and plot just how I can manuever my way into a better place in my life before I split for good. Hmmm, I guess that means I'm becoming a "grown-up", regardless of how you slice it...a few years ago, I wouldn't have even paused.
The scary thing: people in their mid-20's/early 30's talking about 401K's/Retirement Plans/Thrift Savings/buying houses/having kids/bake sales/The Dave Matthews Band/Jimmy Buffet...of *all fucking things*! These people don't share MY dreams. I gotta get outta here!
Question: how do you keep track of the "you" that you are becoming? How focused are you on becoming the person that you want to be? Do you know who that person is yet? If so, how do you stay "on track"? Is this even possible--in a larger sense? How do you define "maturity"/"wisdom" for you?
Nope--no dramatic "darkness" today--just stuff that's real. Sorry if I didn't entertain--hey, you have the links on the left!
Oh, here's a link to Mike Watt of The Minutemen's webpage...good stuff. Makes me think--about life and how to live it--and how one can approach being "Punk Rock" beyond mere teenaged rebellion.
http://www.hootpage.com
Till again--Peace.
A.
Funny thing about the office environment--never had a "straight job" before this one, so I'm kinda coming to this as an outsider, and maybe this is no surprise to those of you that have long-term experience with this kinda stuff, but...wow, hierarchy can bring out the sadist in folks who are otherwise cowards, y'know? I'm not one to believe that "power corrupts, period", but...some of the behavior I see in this setting (the management culture") is totally unacceptable in soooo many ways. Again, it's no "shocker"--just further confirmation that we, as a species, need "some work".
A sign on sticky boards around my current job: "Work sucks, but I need the bucks".
It's really odd for me in this place--I stick out so much (what's that old Zen saying? "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down"? Yeesh...)--not necessarily visually so much (I wear black, and wear it well, so what?), but rather in terms of my "vibe"...shades of NYC's streets, a youth spent in punk clubs and dive bars, galleries, poetry workshops and rehearsal spaces, sitting on LES stoops drinking 40's of Olde E with the gutterpunks and skins debating Bakunin and Andre Breton and Baudelaire and Philip K. Dick...life is honestly weird.
If I hadn't gotten sick, moved back in with with my folks while recovering, moved to the burbs with them when they sold the old place, etc. I wouldn't be where I am now...miserable, but for "the feelthy lucre"...puts a not so amusing spin on the line in "Clash City Rockers" about either sacking in one's stupid job or shutting the fuck up and pretending that one is enjoying one's life becuase "one has money"--hmmph, but I don't have any money.
They say that enduring the unpleasant for the sake of a higher goal is how the spirit is forged...I just need to remember that it could be worse...I have a few dead friends, and I almost died myself some years ago...so...ah, but still--doesn't change how disconnected from myself I've been feeling since I started this little experiment..."Credit In The Straight World"=dogshit. Well, at least I know I don't want this anymore...just have to still my urges for a dramatic/poetic "burn all my bridges forever" exit and plot just how I can manuever my way into a better place in my life before I split for good. Hmmm, I guess that means I'm becoming a "grown-up", regardless of how you slice it...a few years ago, I wouldn't have even paused.
The scary thing: people in their mid-20's/early 30's talking about 401K's/Retirement Plans/Thrift Savings/buying houses/having kids/bake sales/The Dave Matthews Band/Jimmy Buffet...of *all fucking things*! These people don't share MY dreams. I gotta get outta here!
Question: how do you keep track of the "you" that you are becoming? How focused are you on becoming the person that you want to be? Do you know who that person is yet? If so, how do you stay "on track"? Is this even possible--in a larger sense? How do you define "maturity"/"wisdom" for you?
Nope--no dramatic "darkness" today--just stuff that's real. Sorry if I didn't entertain--hey, you have the links on the left!
Oh, here's a link to Mike Watt of The Minutemen's webpage...good stuff. Makes me think--about life and how to live it--and how one can approach being "Punk Rock" beyond mere teenaged rebellion.
http://www.hootpage.com
Till again--Peace.
A.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Linz
thanks for the book and website recommendations.
he does regional capoiera. tell your friend to check out the class at PSU and there's a class at The Friendly House on Thurman and 26th in NW Portland as well.