You know what, fuck this. I am so angry right now it is not even funny. Starting with my roommate tripping, but really thats not the main thing. Im just mad since he seems to have no respect for my things cuz hes going on my profile without my permission adding me to groups and adding sgs to my favorites without even asking me, but Im pretty sure he wont do it again cuz I flipped shit. Prolly shouldntve got so mad but theres more going on, there always is. See my roommate is allowed to check my email, mostly cuz I often forget and hes kinna a comp geek so hes always on and rigel emailed me telling me to join sg hopefuls, which is y he thot he could go on my profile in the first place. I havent been sure about joinin sg hopefuls... I mean I applied and thats y I got this membership thing cuz rigel says Im "beautiful" but my set is "not what they r looking for right now". When applied, however, they were looking for uniqueness and counter culture. So first set I make I think of the pink beaded headdress I got in China and came up with a new style of jgoth eye make up by using ancient egyptian influences tying everything in with the color of the headdress and built the outfit entirely from scratch around that. I even made a pink lace glove with cut off fingers that went up to my shoulder, and when I say made, for any posers who might be reading this and think that making something is buying the glove and cuttign the fingers off, I mean I bought some cloth and cut it and sewed it by hand. I understand unique and counter culture, its the only definition of self that I have and I most certainly am not going to let some site put me on their second best list, question my art, or imply that I am some poser or normie. Now if they would tell me something specific about my set thatd be one thing, like I didnt think alot about the setting or the name of my set. They told me plain backround, and I figured names are easy to change, so I walked around my appartment looking for a place to take the pictures and my pink shower curtain caught my eye (can you tell I like color themes yet? Its why I got into jgoth a couple of years ago, but I dont like to stick to one thing for too long, there are so many cultures to be influenced by to make my own and experiment with and everything inside myself...) But as is, I can't be certain if there is actually counter culture lacking from my sets or if perhaps this site is as fake as hot topic, which btw is owned by the gap. Every outsider searches a lil to belong, but a true outsider will not change or compromise their uniqueness in that search. The more I look here, for all their requests for diversity, I think perhaps my search is not yet finished. Yet I was so drawn into sg upon discovering it, I cannot believe it is a poser site, instincts tell me otherwise altho I have no evidence either way, I simply havent seen enough.... Ug there is more to this than whineing about my life. It calls me to question the definition of counter culture. Most of my life Ive been able to meet people once and say "youre one of us" knowing instantly that they are a real unique person and not some poser. Not that Im not friends with normies, there are a few, but mostly people who would have potential or are kinna stuck in their parents culture by love for family but show some uniqueness in other areas. I try not to discriminate, altho peeps bein real around me is important. Careful balance to walk. Anyway I will continue to question these ideas. Im actually kinna glad they pissed me off. I have observed many times that anger causes me to ask scientific and philosophical questions and it seems to have worked again. Plus Im really just a bit irratated that I was havin fun experimenting with a new artform that in my excitement I may have allowed myself to be judged to soon before understanding fully the intricacies of such an art and now I will have to wait 3 months before I can even try again. And I am a bit insulted being told to look elsewhere for artistic inspiration, if I wanted influences Im sure I could find them, but I always start an art freshly to reduce imaitation. You need your own style before you can experiment with others. That and I spose my klingon pride is just a bit bruised. ~Abunai
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I love your passion - I love your rage
I distrust the mavens of SG - they no longer choose women that I love, women of intellect and fiery spirit. this use to be a showcase for genuine free-spirited young women to explore their uniqueness and sexuality. I don't know what they are looking for now - but I find all the qualities that I seek in an SG in you.
it is clear that they are inundated by applications
be yourself - try again - I believe in you - never conform
we share the city of Albany - and perhaps a university, I'm enrolled at Suny
I would like to know more about you