So I am having the worst day I have had in a very long time, the universe seems stacked against me, and as the known world comes screaming at me like a locomotive with no breaks, I feel as if darkness is but one cataclysmic mental breakdown away from engulfing me in its abyss. YET!!! I sit here feeling oddly hopeful, this is unique because "the end of the world" is always seemingly only one year away these days, life sucks (as per usual) and my never ending search for someone I actually want to spend my life with continues to show no signs of any progress, this all would suggest that what I should do (as per usual) is dip into a 3 month depression where I am generally just angry at everyone and everything, switch out all of my friends, change jobs, and try to start over.....
I am stuck though, paralyzed by strong friendships, frozen in this sort of happiness/wonder state. I've met people that literally go out of there way to keep me happy and who constantly acknowledge what my friendship means to them. This leaves no desire to try and find any sort of life where they are not beside me, and this is a treasure more valuable than any precious metal or stone. With this treasure however I am seeing an odd side effect, as good as my friends are for my life, I am more lonely now than ever and its because knowing what true friendship is puts true companionship into perspective and I WANT IT!!!! To have people in my life who like me because of who I am, as weird and unbearable as I seem to most, is a freeing and uplifting thing but can some one love that? Can they compliment it and make it even weirder and thus soooo much better? I hope this year I can continue to strengthen my friendships, find some companionship, and then you know what? Let the rumors be true, bring on the actual end of the world, Ill be packed and ready to go with no regrets!