so lonely and the ECT makes me forget everything. i no longer have any friends and the ECTs don't seem to be doing anything much. i feel like shit, i'm living with my folks again, they won't let me drive anywhere, and i still haven't registered for fall classes. life sucks right now. bad. my friends aren't returning my phone calls. i just don't know...
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VIEW 25 of 39 COMMENTS
just got home from the hospital - i'd been there 8 days and was getting sick of it - they've decided thzat i am no longer responding to meds, which is true, so i started getting ECT (electro convulsive therapy) which is scary but is working wonders on my bipolar. i still have more treatments left but they let me go home, thank god -...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
toughgirl:
Jenni, I felt so terrible about leaving! I mean, not because I was mad that you wanted me to leave, because you said you wanted to be alone so I wanted to do whatever made you feel best but I had this really bad feeling about it and the whole time I was still in KC I kept thinking, "I should turn around and go back and make sure everthing is ok" and I just worried so much the whole drive home and wished that I had anyones phone number that I could call (sean or brian or whoever) because i was so worried! then when you were't around for days I kept thinking, "oh man I shouldn't have left"...I dont' know, I get these feelings, weird intuition and I should have followed it this time, but I'm so glad that you are ok!! e mail me anytime you want, take care of yourself, check out my sg albums, cute pictures of you in your tie dress! 
ericdravyn:
I'm sorry you're going through all of this... if there is ever anything I can do... please let me know... 
ToughGirl is coming to stay today! Yay! so i went over to the house and mowed the yard and come noon i'll wake the rest of everyone up to clean the place up for her arrival. i'm excited. and my tie dress, though not finished, is ready for a sneak preview so maybe i'll wear it out tongiht. it sure is heavy though and it...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
agnosticf:
have a nice weekend
toughgirl:
I hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself wherever you are
well, i lied. i found a way to acsess SG at my mom's and erase the history so she isn't apalled that i look at "porn" and associate with "pornographer types" so here is an update. as soon as next month rolls around i am getting my "brian" tattoo covered up - i already have the design pretty much planned out - i'm going to...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
toughgirl:
Hey girl, glad to see you got sneaky and found your way back to SG, hehe...doesn't it make you feel like a kid again, peeking over your shoulder to make sure your mom isn't in the room?
I am glad to hear that problems have been addressed, although I wish that you hadn't had to go through this hopefully good things will come out of it. It's scary to go through shit alone sometimes, I've had instances in my life where I just didn't feel like I coud be alone with myself anymore, I couldn't take hurting anymore, it is a humbling and scary time, but I have grown from these times. I am not proud of my lowest moments, but everyone has to have them to learn the importance of perseverence.
I think it is good that you want to start drawing again, not only because it is something that you really want to do, but also because any kind of creative outlet can be positive and theraputic! I know, it's corny, but stick with your dreams, I almost gave up mine b/c I didn't think I could do anything with a writing degree, and then i realized that I would rather be happy with my life than teaching the lord of the flies to high schoolers for the rest of my life....be good to yourself, take care of yourself and above all else, always stand up for yourself!
I am glad to hear that problems have been addressed, although I wish that you hadn't had to go through this hopefully good things will come out of it. It's scary to go through shit alone sometimes, I've had instances in my life where I just didn't feel like I coud be alone with myself anymore, I couldn't take hurting anymore, it is a humbling and scary time, but I have grown from these times. I am not proud of my lowest moments, but everyone has to have them to learn the importance of perseverence.
I think it is good that you want to start drawing again, not only because it is something that you really want to do, but also because any kind of creative outlet can be positive and theraputic! I know, it's corny, but stick with your dreams, I almost gave up mine b/c I didn't think I could do anything with a writing degree, and then i realized that I would rather be happy with my life than teaching the lord of the flies to high schoolers for the rest of my life....be good to yourself, take care of yourself and above all else, always stand up for yourself!
sophie:
oh darlin! i am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. i suck! i would ABSOLUTELY like to buy some earrings from you. in lawrence or in KC. i work in Overland Park, near the Oak Park Mall, so even if you are ever out in that direction and want to get lunch some time, you should give me a whaddup comment, and we'll work it out. otherwise, i could drive up to KC after work sometime and check out your stuff then. i really want to see them in person. i dig jewelry. especially such CUTE stuff!!!
i can't wait to see your drawings online. i'm SO impressed that you're dealing with the bi-polar diagnosis in a resposible way. i am amazed at your backbone and your intelligence. rock on.
please again forgive my late response.
i can't wait to see your drawings online. i'm SO impressed that you're dealing with the bi-polar diagnosis in a resposible way. i am amazed at your backbone and your intelligence. rock on.
please again forgive my late response.
my new roommates rule but i am staying with my mom for a little while (it's a long story) but i don't have access to SG there, so updates may be sparse. i'm at my house right now - hanging out with my crew. the lovely bri just dyed my hair blue in the back for me - it looks awesome - and tomorrow i'm...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
brixton:
WE LOVE YOU!
toughgirl:
Hugs and such!!
i was feeling sad and rejected (the ex had more important things to do before hanging out iwht me ie playing poker!?) and then i decided to call Brixton to see if she still needed a place to live - so she might be moving with me - her and her fiance! now i'm happy and excited! plus ToughGirl is coming up for the tattoo...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
b1ll:
Hey, coolio! How are you hanging in there? Might be making the trek to your side of the state in a couple weeks when summer-school is over...
The kemper was awesome when we were there...they had a trio of looping videos that knocked my socks right through my shoes...
The kemper was awesome when we were there...they had a trio of looping videos that knocked my socks right through my shoes...
sophie:
hello again. i have been having dreams that i'm wearing a pair of your earrings and looking positively stunning in them. how might i go about purchasing a pair, or two?
my nipples are healing up well - my secret is not wearing a bra while they heal 
it helps me anyway but i'm only a B so it's all good
i've been hanging out with my ex a lot but it's been cool mostly - he's been really nice and we went and saw fireworks on the 4th together - it was like old times...
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it helps me anyway but i'm only a B so it's all good
i've been hanging out with my ex a lot but it's been cool mostly - he's been really nice and we went and saw fireworks on the 4th together - it was like old times...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
crow11:
Glad to hear that things are looking up for you. Keep your chin up.
*hugs*
*hugs*
toughgirl:
eee! I'm so excited about coming up. and I don't really know what "eee!" means but it seemed appropriate at the time. 
went yesterday and got my nipples pierced vertically to celebrate a new beginning/ also kind of mourn the loss of my relationship. i had to stop the piercer before he even started it was so emotional for me but i got it done and they look great, even though the stars tattooed around my nipples are crooked (so are my piercings to kind of balance...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
toughgirl:
I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and adjusting...you seem like you are looking at everything very positively?
Did your nipples hurt quite a lot...I am actually thinking about getting it done, actually just wrote something in my journal about that.
I didn't know there was a tattoo convention coming up, I really want to try to come, for at least one day, I've always wanted to go to one, I've never been and don't really know what to expect but I'm sure I would enjoy it. I dont' know what's going on this weekend still, my friend still hasn't called me back and I'm getting a little pissed off, she is supposed to be one of my better friends and she won't call me back and tell me if she's coming home for her birthday, she's strange, has a real phobia of the phone, but come on!
You shouldn't be nervous about getting up there and showing off your tattoo, it is absolutly beautiful and fucking rocked my socks off... I think that's a good phrase, I don't think it should have ever gone out. Anyhow, hope everything is going well!!
Did your nipples hurt quite a lot...I am actually thinking about getting it done, actually just wrote something in my journal about that.
I didn't know there was a tattoo convention coming up, I really want to try to come, for at least one day, I've always wanted to go to one, I've never been and don't really know what to expect but I'm sure I would enjoy it. I dont' know what's going on this weekend still, my friend still hasn't called me back and I'm getting a little pissed off, she is supposed to be one of my better friends and she won't call me back and tell me if she's coming home for her birthday, she's strange, has a real phobia of the phone, but come on!
You shouldn't be nervous about getting up there and showing off your tattoo, it is absolutly beautiful and fucking rocked my socks off... I think that's a good phrase, I don't think it should have ever gone out. Anyhow, hope everything is going well!!
squidbizkit:
you will be fine!
so much for a turning point - my boyfriend fell out of love with me so we're through. no more getting married, no more kids, no more woning a shop together, no more anything. and he was my best friend too. my whole soul aches now. i'm a mess. pleasse somebody help me. i have no one to turn to. i live alone. i am...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
nikkiis:
you could stay in my tent and i can sorta promise i will behave
tathra:
*hugs*
if you need somebody to talk to, feel free to hit me up
if you need somebody to talk to, feel free to hit me up
the insurance company is out to get me - they're denying all my claims and i'm going to owe thousands. seriously. and my college is trying to kick me out, but i have an appointment with the dean tomorrow so we'll see about that. and if i have to go to community college, it's not that big of a deal. and i quit taking klonopin...
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loco77:
Ya know, I've been on klonopin for a few months now, and I find I'm immune to it. The doc says to take one, and it takes 3 of them just to half put my butt to sleep. I don't really care for the stuff anyways. Funny thing is, that there is one pill that actually does help me, and my doctor refuses to prescribe it. Gotta love my doctor.
Hope things get better for you. I hate insurance companies, they tend to like to dick ya one way or another. My dental insurance is doing that to me now.
Thanks for the comments. Ya know if you ever need an ear, or a shoulder, I'm here. Take care of yourself and stay in touch.
Hope things get better for you. I hate insurance companies, they tend to like to dick ya one way or another. My dental insurance is doing that to me now.
Thanks for the comments. Ya know if you ever need an ear, or a shoulder, I'm here. Take care of yourself and stay in touch.
brixton:
what are you doing tonight?? im way free.
a new day and new beginnings here - i shouldn't be feeling so good but a wake-up from my boyfriend kncoking on my door this morning brought my day to a terrific start. from there we ran around the city running errand and doing bits of this and that, stopping for pizza buffet for lunch (yum!) and then i gave him my super magic massage...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
ericdravyn:
Elie Wiesel:
"I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
Amen, Beautiful...
"I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings."
Amen, Beautiful...
loco77:
Very happy to hear things are looking up for you!! Cute pic. Take care!!!
my boss (the body piercer) has put off my apprenticeship for a year or more until i am "stable" i haven't been "stable" in god knows how long. not for a loooong time. i cried all the way home from the shop. he said it doesn't mean it rules me out as an apprentice for sure but right now is not the time.
the one...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
dexie:
Why does your boss termine what you're emotionally suited for? I would think punching holes in people all day would be very reliefing.
edited because I can't figure out how to spell releaving... reliefing... something BAH!
[Edited on Jun 23, 2005 2:49PM]
edited because I can't figure out how to spell releaving... reliefing... something BAH!
[Edited on Jun 23, 2005 2:49PM]
johndoe98:
I lost my dream years ago. I joined the air force,but had a bad car accident. When i recovered i got called to personal and was told i was being medically discharged! And within a couple of days i was gone and it was over.
It's taken a long time but i'm about to embark on a new course to be a bike mechanic.
I think you've always got to think theres a light at the end of the tunnel,even in the dark times. I lost sight of that and klost a lot of years,but i'm getting there now.And you've got youth on your side honey.
I hope you come though this,depresssions a bitch. Take care honey,and never give in.
P.s. Don't want to sound preachy, if i do just ignore me
It's taken a long time but i'm about to embark on a new course to be a bike mechanic.
I think you've always got to think theres a light at the end of the tunnel,even in the dark times. I lost sight of that and klost a lot of years,but i'm getting there now.And you've got youth on your side honey.
I hope you come though this,depresssions a bitch. Take care honey,and never give in.
P.s. Don't want to sound preachy, if i do just ignore me
HOPE YOU HAVE/HAD A MERRY MERRY MERRY XMAS!