Thank you, mysterious gifter.
<3
we used to talk about shuttling down the side of one of the towers; the first time i mentioned it was when we did acid between our freshman semesters. i remember staring up at them in the crystalline winter, crisp air, numb lips. it seemed the most beautiful way to die. as a last wish, given to fly for only a few seconds. but then, what is a second?
i remember in the early days of acid - i remember that crystalline crisp winter - i remember coming across a tree entirely coated in ice - the beauty of it. what i still find most beautiful is the understanding - the complexities of understanding. between the experience and the person. between you and me.
i've seen so many things and done so many horrible things to myself in search of...something. i miss you. but i've never left you in a way and sometimes feel like that missing isn't so missing after all.
if any of that makes sense.
you know, i loved you the most too. still.
and i danced around the issue because you felt like my soul mate already, so nothing else needed to be done.
i've felt the urge to fly more times than i can count.
i value you because i can say that. because you understand the feeling. and the cold. the winter, the ice - and not its symbology, but the experience of it. the brute down to life 'i am here' and 'it just is' of it all.
i love you.
the words will linger on my tongue perpetually.