Skid out on the highway, body's a wreck. My head rolling around, tongue lolled out onto the pavement... take a look, I've got X's in my eyes.
It's not that bad, really. I don't feel angry or sad or upset. Regardless of how stressed I've been getting at making sure my life is going to be okay, I still feel great but seeing an Ex...
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It's not that bad, really. I don't feel angry or sad or upset. Regardless of how stressed I've been getting at making sure my life is going to be okay, I still feel great but seeing an Ex...
Read More
I'm in the business to make my life work now. By 30 I intend to be self-employed or in some position where I'm not lorded over by anyone.
What I'm doing was cool for awhile... real slack and low-pressure, but lately things have been a little different. I'm sick of making other people money just so they can piss it away. I'd rather make me...
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What I'm doing was cool for awhile... real slack and low-pressure, but lately things have been a little different. I'm sick of making other people money just so they can piss it away. I'd rather make me...
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azathoth42:
Yeah, slack can start to suck after a while...
Hope you're feeling better.
Hope you're feeling better.
"...tell her, I'll kill you."
"Please. You think I would? What the fuck..."
"I've had friends just as close as you do it."
My whole life I've fought at every turn to not end up like my family. To not turn into my father.
If you don't escape the trappings set out for you, then how can call it living? How can you pretend that...
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"Please. You think I would? What the fuck..."
"I've had friends just as close as you do it."
My whole life I've fought at every turn to not end up like my family. To not turn into my father.
If you don't escape the trappings set out for you, then how can call it living? How can you pretend that...
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strangeattractor:
nice. a bit palahniuk (sp?) - esque in tone which is no doubt a calculated choice (unless that was not your work, but his?).
dude, fuck your rooomate.
gah, the razor thing blah. it's cool, contained. if that slice of writing posted above here is indeed an original work you might understand. my father's family has a well-documented highly-penetrant history of genetically predisposed depression, with alcoholism and suicide on both sides of my family. it's quite a bit of a struggle to remain positive, healing and uplifitng given the biological tendencies but normally i'm doing > well.
as for the music...i don't know if you've seen coffee and cigarettes recently but i do believe both the RZA and the GZA are in it (with bill murray - crazy...). it's not very good, except for that scene.
am i allowed to hate l.a. if i live here? does venice really count?
dude, fuck your rooomate.
gah, the razor thing blah. it's cool, contained. if that slice of writing posted above here is indeed an original work you might understand. my father's family has a well-documented highly-penetrant history of genetically predisposed depression, with alcoholism and suicide on both sides of my family. it's quite a bit of a struggle to remain positive, healing and uplifitng given the biological tendencies but normally i'm doing > well.
as for the music...i don't know if you've seen coffee and cigarettes recently but i do believe both the RZA and the GZA are in it (with bill murray - crazy...). it's not very good, except for that scene.
am i allowed to hate l.a. if i live here? does venice really count?
It's been a long time since I wanted to just... break something with my bare hands.
Stress does that to you.
Ever feel that way? It's one of those things that happens when you have realy problems. Serious ones. Problems where you have to act on before they get too huge and out of hand.
Then someone does something stupid... something that doesn't make sense....
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Stress does that to you.
Ever feel that way? It's one of those things that happens when you have realy problems. Serious ones. Problems where you have to act on before they get too huge and out of hand.
Then someone does something stupid... something that doesn't make sense....
Read More
strangeattractor:
i know how that feels. hit some hard times myself over the past month. two nights ago i had a nightmare and woke up, wiped my brow, and said "phew, glad that was only a dream." then i realized it wasn't - it was my life
!!
and i thought that only happened in movies!!
hope things get better
!!
and i thought that only happened in movies!!
hope things get better
strangeattractor:
chomsky is the mother fuckin shit. no doubt about it.
i think my-ear-to-the-ground is deaf or something. la has been kidnapped by this crappy shins/hives/whitestrips/franzferdinand/blah shit. everywhere i look online i run into the same crap. my trusted indie radio station (i don't listen to anything else, honest) has even succumbed to the trend. gah, what to do.
it's not going to sound so bad i suppose...but i'll tell anyhow i have this old professor that i've known/worked for for 4 years and he had been making my life a living hell. while getting my master's he'd constantly make unreasonable demands, called me "fucking ugly" (and other things) in front of the whole lab, disappeared for vacations but didn't afford me any days off, and repeatedly failed to give me constructive feedback although he would criticize my grammar. he strung out the date of my defense until the last date possible so that i had to work on my thesis for a month into medical school (where i spend 45h+ studying a week). on top of this i did some work for him that was not necessary and he continued to be demanding, rude, insulting and inconsiderate...even though i don't work in his lab anymore and was doing him a favor. i decided to quit and move on.
it's kind of hard to explain why that would be so bad, but this guy was at one time a great mentor and turned into a big fuckin bully the moment he knew i was moving on to do other shit. i had the same situation with a crazy dance teacher when i was 18, and i had known her for 10 years. the fucked up thing is both of these "mentors" had daughters who had died when they were young, and my theory is both my prof and this dance teacher searched for daughter figures...and then had super-scary neurotic/psychotic attachment issues if the "daughter" would ever leave.
super stress from medical school + no life + super guilt trips, insults and constant insinuation (he would email me like 3 times a day) from someone you used to look up to + boyfriend quitting job, i.e. playing guitar all day while you are working your ass off = crazy stressed out me taking a razor to my legs. i think i am doing better now, though.
sorry for the long story. how about yourself?
i think my-ear-to-the-ground is deaf or something. la has been kidnapped by this crappy shins/hives/whitestrips/franzferdinand/blah shit. everywhere i look online i run into the same crap. my trusted indie radio station (i don't listen to anything else, honest) has even succumbed to the trend. gah, what to do.
it's not going to sound so bad i suppose...but i'll tell anyhow i have this old professor that i've known/worked for for 4 years and he had been making my life a living hell. while getting my master's he'd constantly make unreasonable demands, called me "fucking ugly" (and other things) in front of the whole lab, disappeared for vacations but didn't afford me any days off, and repeatedly failed to give me constructive feedback although he would criticize my grammar. he strung out the date of my defense until the last date possible so that i had to work on my thesis for a month into medical school (where i spend 45h+ studying a week). on top of this i did some work for him that was not necessary and he continued to be demanding, rude, insulting and inconsiderate...even though i don't work in his lab anymore and was doing him a favor. i decided to quit and move on.
it's kind of hard to explain why that would be so bad, but this guy was at one time a great mentor and turned into a big fuckin bully the moment he knew i was moving on to do other shit. i had the same situation with a crazy dance teacher when i was 18, and i had known her for 10 years. the fucked up thing is both of these "mentors" had daughters who had died when they were young, and my theory is both my prof and this dance teacher searched for daughter figures...and then had super-scary neurotic/psychotic attachment issues if the "daughter" would ever leave.
super stress from medical school + no life + super guilt trips, insults and constant insinuation (he would email me like 3 times a day) from someone you used to look up to + boyfriend quitting job, i.e. playing guitar all day while you are working your ass off = crazy stressed out me taking a razor to my legs. i think i am doing better now, though.
sorry for the long story. how about yourself?
How did this happen?
"I know you've got that thing with the girl from Texas, but this thing with Stacy is real. It's here. And a year (maybe longer?) that's a long time to wait for someone, Tony." Laura isn't really afraid of anything. Especially words.
Stacy...
Her naked body presses into me.
"Mmm. This is better than vanilla ice cream on warm peach pie."...
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"I know you've got that thing with the girl from Texas, but this thing with Stacy is real. It's here. And a year (maybe longer?) that's a long time to wait for someone, Tony." Laura isn't really afraid of anything. Especially words.
Stacy...
Her naked body presses into me.
"Mmm. This is better than vanilla ice cream on warm peach pie."...
Read More
" A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's."
--- Jean Paul Richter
--- Jean Paul Richter
magicflute:
it was lit!!!!
love:
but of course.
p.s. I can't play chess worth a sheit, but I do box.
xoxo
but of course.
p.s. I can't play chess worth a sheit, but I do box.
xoxo
Sometimes I'm able to see the future: Tonight, I will be intoxicated.
An odd day, not too long ago... Opened up a peanut, and there were no nuts to be found. Cracked open a fortune cookie and it was blank. Checked a bottle top to see if I had won, but there was nothing on the inside.
Strange indeed.
I miss Tom -- been having...
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An odd day, not too long ago... Opened up a peanut, and there were no nuts to be found. Cracked open a fortune cookie and it was blank. Checked a bottle top to see if I had won, but there was nothing on the inside.
Strange indeed.
I miss Tom -- been having...
Read More
sendai:
Hojo Awa no kami once gathered together his disciples in the martial arts and called in a physiognomist(one who divines features of human character by reading facial features; a seer), who was popular in Edo at the time, to have him determine whether they were brave men or cowards. He had them see the men one by one, telling them, "If he determines 'bravery,' you should strive by throwing away your life. It's something that you're born with, so there's no shame in it."
Hirose Denzaemon was then about twelve or thirteen years old. When he sat down in front of the physiognomist he said in a bristling voice, "If you read cowardice in me, I'll cut you down with a single blow!"
-Hagakure
i hope your fortune telling skills are good
for everyones sake
[Edited on Sep 07, 2004 6:55PM]
Hirose Denzaemon was then about twelve or thirteen years old. When he sat down in front of the physiognomist he said in a bristling voice, "If you read cowardice in me, I'll cut you down with a single blow!"
-Hagakure
i hope your fortune telling skills are good
for everyones sake
[Edited on Sep 07, 2004 6:55PM]
Something screams in my sleep.
Is it me?
I dream often... So much that I can't tell what's real sometimes. Will you lend an ear to my dreams?
There was this one series of dreams where I used to be "that guy". The pathetic guy that drags his feet and feels sorry for himself. The spineless "nice guy" that no woman wants to be with......
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Is it me?
I dream often... So much that I can't tell what's real sometimes. Will you lend an ear to my dreams?
There was this one series of dreams where I used to be "that guy". The pathetic guy that drags his feet and feels sorry for himself. The spineless "nice guy" that no woman wants to be with......
Read More
love:
mmm... good music taste 
love:
you're so mysterious... you have no pics!
"I'm gunna make you squirm."
She started asking questions with the intent of making me nervous.
"This isn't fair, because now I'm the one who's fidgeting."
Turnabout is fairplay... or so I'm told. I refused to be nervous at any of her questions.
I hadn't had a woman put the screws to me like that in a long time, usually people just can't be bothered...
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She started asking questions with the intent of making me nervous.
"This isn't fair, because now I'm the one who's fidgeting."
Turnabout is fairplay... or so I'm told. I refused to be nervous at any of her questions.
I hadn't had a woman put the screws to me like that in a long time, usually people just can't be bothered...
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Miss me?
voltaire:
welcome back. 
"The Fences... The Guard Towers... Ha, Jawohl!" then he took a picture. click.
i thought he was fucking nuts at first, talking to himself on the bus (speaking so low that you'd have missed it), dressed up like he was on safari and attached to his super-automated wheelchair.
"Disgusting. No, that's not what freedom is for." click. another picture done.
The Fences and The Guard...
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i thought he was fucking nuts at first, talking to himself on the bus (speaking so low that you'd have missed it), dressed up like he was on safari and attached to his super-automated wheelchair.
"Disgusting. No, that's not what freedom is for." click. another picture done.
The Fences and The Guard...
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tjay:
freedom is subjective, how did you like the article? 
tjay:
thanks for the feedback, and i plan to write more for the magazine as soon as the subject matter strikes me. it's weird because i still work in the environment only, I'm not a dancer any more, which is causing me to make observations from an outside perspective. maybe something cool will come from that. we'll see. 
[Edited on Jul 12, 2004 12:30PM]
[Edited on Jul 12, 2004 12:30PM]
i should have paid attention to all the signs. both bikes break, the blind leading the blind, man running backwards, then:
"How's your knee?"
"Better than ever, it's almost like I never injured it."
pop.
s'how it goes.
"How's your knee?"
"Better than ever, it's almost like I never injured it."
pop.
s'how it goes.
tjay:
when i was in LA i workeD at CHeetah's (Hollywood) and the Gold CLub (South Bay), but now I'm in New Orleans and I'll have to work in the Quarter for the summer before i go back west.
tjay:
i mailed you a copy 
-->deviance