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I realise that nobody is reading this and nobody gives a shit - so I think I shall describe my nth time to try and give up smoking. What I have read and this is born out by personal experience is the about the first 3 days are pure bloody hell, then you have about 3 weeks of feeling like total shit. Then about 3 years of wanting a cigarette. I don't know if it is worth it. I have done a Houdini over Christmas and am avoiding my family - none of whom smoke. My grandparents all smoked. I did have one relative who was a coal miner who used to smoke 40 woodbines a day. I used to love to smoke I would smoke rollups as they were cheap. Smoking with a drink in hand; first thing in the morning reach for the rizlas, then after a meal, whilst on the computer at the bus stop and also very nice with a cup of tea. I am chewing nicotine gum at the moment and I hate the taste of mint. I have half a pouch of Golden Virgina and fuck knows how many red rizlas. Also I am putting my entire music collection on a 90 gb hard drive and binning the lot. All very stressfull. Also when I do see my family and I have kept at it they will be dissapointed as I act in a way they perhaps secretly admire ie not giving a shit. I also think my status as the family black sheep would be affected. So the whole role of scapegoat cum rebel cum clown would be shaken. My smoking probably reminds them of their parents smoking. Also smoking is often assosciated with creativity it was said of Auden that he was a cigarette with a writer attached. I did use to like the smoothe cool smoke and that taste. It is very pleasent lighting up like after a film or during the interval at the theatre. Also during music there are some clubs hat I have been too that you were fined for not smoking. It passes the time when you are bored and helps you to enjoy enjoyable activities. It is associated with risk taking and attractiveness. When you go to another country you can buy from that countries favourite brand. It is also great when your travelling and great after sex. One film I have always associated with smoking is Round Midnight with its smokey Parisienne Jazz clubs. Also strangely enough Bruce Willis in the first Die Hard. I loved smoking it was always part of me it was always thare highly dependable, involving. So why on earth do I want to give up?