ash

Just saying hello. I finally got to do something fun since I got here . Went to go see a Valcano well a huge deep pit cuased by one lots of steam though and went into these tunnels called Lava Tubes. It was all lit up and there was area you take a light to use becuase its pitch black in there. Got some pics but I used my cell phone so you can't see as good if you were there. But all in all not a bad day.

Oh hell yeah beauty effects stuff.

I had a friend get off in court b/c the judge told him " Life's easier for good looking people". I know it can drop you off people's radar alot at times, get them to drop their guard. Let me go all "Spider Man" - with great power - beauty- comes great responsibility.

I once pumped gas and realized I had no money. I dropped my license off and came back with the money. End of issue.

Worst joke? I don't know, I'm generally too nice of a guy to let bad stuff go...

I lack entertaining pics, too bad we don't have video of 3 hours ago.

As for being beat down, I hate to say it, but yeah, you gotta get up. Otherwise, how you figure you're gonna beat life's ass back? And it's as simple as this in any contest - if you're getting tired, odds are your opponent is too. Roll with the punches long enough, and your chance will come. When that opportunity arises, tackle it for all you're worth and don't let go! Guard your grill sweetie, it'll be ok...eventually.

i will never understand people. if you look at a person like a dog it simplfys things but in reality we are all not dogs we may have basic needs but people are more or less evil. we all have the ability to hurt and to cheat but not everyone dose. i like to believe that everyone is good and that there are just points in our life were we make bad decisions.
but i agree that if your unhappy in your life the only one you can really look to is yourself. your the person who got you there and your the person who can get you to were you want to go but sometimes its just not that simple.

ash i love you! i wish i could help ya out more and shit. but gimme a call if you want to do something i have been board out of my mind now that i'm on the *clean* track

God, I still remember my wisdom teeth... I don't envy you your pain, I can tell you that. Glad someone will get around to pulling them evetually, though.

~Not being a parent, I'm not sure if I can really answer this, but my point of view at the moment is that you should maybe change some of the things you do, but not who you are. Some of the things you like doing don't have to go away entirely when you have a kid, but some consideration for their well-being has to be taken into account while you do them. And who gives a fuck about "conventional" motherhood; if you change who you are because you have a kid, what kind of example are you setting? Could you even honestly teach them anything if the lessons are coming from someone you aren't?
~I'm not entirely sure what you mean here. Mistakes happen, and real friends can usually get over those with an apology and an honest discussion, but maliciously fucking over someone with intent is a different story. If it was an accidental fucking (hah, I like that phrase), then sometimes it may take time for the fucked party to get over it, but without cruel intent they usually will see the circumstances for what they were and at least gain an understanding of what happened. How's that for vague?

The mail carrier is supposed to pick up mail from the house but he does not always.
I actually take my camera with me everywhere but work, because I work in a plastics plant and cameras are not allowed in there. So when I feel like taking a picture of something I do. I have about 180 pictures on my camera right now to upload, but I do not know when I will get around to it. I was cheking out the camera to see what all I can do with it as I have only had it a few months and have been pretty busy.
I love sending and recieving mail, its great fun. And I do not have fun anymore so it gives me something, that I like, to do.

Honestly, at this point I think I'm leaning toward Chicago (even though I really loved the city of Baltimore while I was there), but I'm not sure if I can afford to live there. The only other school I'm waiting on now is San Francisco State, and I would only go there if they offered me a great money-making internship. N.C. State rejected me, which might be just as well because, as you said, North Carolina isn't that great -- I lived there until I was five and even then I remember getting into a fight with a racist kid in my kindergarten class; in retrospect, I think my parents saw that all over and made sure I understood that it was wrong because they knew I would run into it with kids whose parents taught them the same bullshit.

How're the teeth?

Happy Zombie Jeebus day

@sh.......where ya been?? just wanted to make sure you received the book. talk to you soon.....


heidi

That was quite a vent.

They feel good sometimes don't they?

It's funny. I've been to Chicago many times and I've never really seen the city. I'm always stuck in the Loop the whole time. I'd love to see more of the city someday.

I actually only smoke a few cigarettes a month. And look pretty silly when I do it.

The cartoon Squee's a lot cuter than I am.

What are some of your pet peeves that involve other ppl?

When they expect me to solve all their problems. I can't solve my own what makes them think I can solve their's?

~When was the last time u were embarassed by the ppl u hung out with?

I only get embarrassed by family. My mom embarrasses me when she gets drunk and hits on the pool guy..or the mailman or my friends..

My dad embarrasses me when he goes in to his macho Alpha male bullshit.

~What is your "fantasy" mate like?

Benni was probably as close to my fantasy as I've ever gotten. Not that we were ever more than friends. Just that in many ways she was my ideal woman. I sure as hell miss her.

~Is it ok for the person you're dating to have small crushes on others?

Yeah, I think it's healthy. Or at least relatively normal. I think trying to suppress those feelings is just asking for trouble.

ash...do you live anywhere near downer's grove???

They are all so cute. One of these days we'll get there to meet them. I fear and dread when my birds die. They're getting up there in age, and the older might go in a few years.

I'm finally eating again, but it's still upsetting my stomach. Bleh! I rea;;y appreciate you coming down here and roughing these losers up. Man, they're sure behaving themselves today. Guess you'll need to do this every few months so they stay in line.

Yeah, I can't use crt monitors any more, only the lcd ones, because they give me massive migraines over time. I have noticed the problem of not blinking often enough and dry eyes. i try to remind myself to blink more, but will occassionally blink and have my eyes sting because I've been staring to long.

To the questions:

~ merlin is my fave of the two cockateils. He's the grey. He likes to hang out on me, my should, chest, legs, whatever, and preen, sing, and have me scratch his head. he's a people bird, and likes to hang out with me. i especially love it when he falls asleep on me. Makes me so happy every time.
~ i don't have rats because I have birds. Actually, I have a bit of a fear of rodentia ever since having hamsters that would bite me. I know, I know, they are nothing like rats. Still, have to say I adore birds. So why don't you have a bird?
~ well, not exactly sure what's up for this entire weekend, but I know Friday is a friend's b-day party. Maybe we'll try to go out for a romantic dinner, K_Rex and I, that is. So far, though, the weekend's pretty open. How about your weekend? Anything fun planned?

love and hugs to you.

Aww they are so cute.

I just wanted to say that I saw a picture of you in some fan art that Lillithvain posted and I had to stop by. You are so gorgeous.

I've only had one pet. His name is Nosy and he is incredibly cute. I've only had him a few months but he is awesome. Mostly because he is always there when I need a friend.

I still live with my mom and she thinks rats are dirty. Actually she thinks dogs are dirty too. But I just know she would never go for a rat.

I have no plans. Chores, homework, internet. Maybe take the pup to play in the park if it isn't too cold.

Oh, I know I have things to be happy about, and I wish I could just go through the litany of the good things in my life to make me happier. I really think there's some sort of disconnect in my brain that stops me from being able to make myself happy, or let myself be happy, when something bad happens to me. I believe in some medication and therapy, so far neither are doing it for me. I guess I'm just too nervous of a person. **shrug** or maybe I think life should be better and feel better to me, but it won't. **sigh** I just don't know any more. Wish I could figure some things out. Despite how much I love what I'm doing, I think I am too nervous of a person for it. I need to look into other careers I guess. Go to a career counciler and see if that will help me find anything.

K_Rex gets home tonight, so I'm barely able to wait for that. I'm a total basket case right now. I am so fortunate that Flux, LittleFierceOne and TheFox came over Saturday and spent much time with me helping to cheer me up and keep my mind off of things. Sunday and Sunday night was shitty, but I am completely grateful for their friendship. And tonight I'll hopefully get to go to bed really early with someone to snuggle with and make me feel better just by her presence.

I need to eat something. I haven't been able to keep anything down since yesterday afternoon and I'm feeling like passing out.

To the questions:

~ this one is rather a difficult one for me to admit to, but murder. Not a random one, but a very specific person who made my life such a living hell and proved that they are beyond a shadow of a doubt an evil being.
~ wow, theme song. I've been asked this one before, but have never come up with ont. It would be something pop-ish, or lyrical, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. And possibly something by Enya.
~ dammit, how'd you find out about that?!? Well, if you must know, when the guard came to take me to the execution area, they only sent one and it was rather sloppy about securing my arms, so I grabbed its pulse pistol and shot it, then the other two guards at the hatch. I slipped into the air-vents and squirmed my way to the emergency escape pods, climbed in and activated it, which punched me out over Greenland. Damn it was a long trip back home!
~ a violent non-addict. I'd have to say anyone who is violent is worse than anyone peaceful.
~ wallowing in your misery?? No, I don't, I just want to hear about it so I know how you are really doing, so I can help you celebrate good things, and commiserate in the bad things.

Gah, still hungry. Need food.

Love you sweetie!

~Rob a bank
~Walk The Line- Johnny Cash. Johnny is an inspiration to me, I feel I can relate to him more than anyone in my life.
~I traded a shark fetus for my escape.
~I think a violent non-addict in the sense they could hurt themselves or others.
~No. I wish I had no misery...as that saying goes misery loves company. I assume those who share theirs with me are just miserable assholes (I am referring to my assistants)