Amidst the cataclysm that is my everyday life, I am uncustomarily sedate. Perhaps I am just kidding myself and in actuality I am simply detatched from reality, but at any rate I am extremely grateful for my composure, especially considering our formidable circumstances.
I started a journal explaining every dismaying event, but I changed my mind, figuring "whats really the point?" I can sum it...
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I started a journal explaining every dismaying event, but I changed my mind, figuring "whats really the point?" I can sum it...
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VIEW 25 of 71 COMMENTS
Now that I've collected myself, I'll keep my little bitchfest in a spoilers section since it's LONG and boring. I just needed to vent, I'm fine now. For the few of u who actually had the patience to read it ... I (luckily!) fixed my tire. But now I have to fix my breaks and pay for a hefty unexpected vet bill for the cat,...
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VIEW 25 of 59 COMMENTS
squee_:
That was quite a vent.
They feel good sometimes don't they?
It's funny. I've been to Chicago many times and I've never really seen the city. I'm always stuck in the Loop the whole time. I'd love to see more of the city someday.
I actually only smoke a few cigarettes a month. And look pretty silly when I do it.
The cartoon Squee's a lot cuter than I am.
What are some of your pet peeves that involve other ppl?
When they expect me to solve all their problems. I can't solve my own what makes them think I can solve their's?
~When was the last time u were embarassed by the ppl u hung out with?
I only get embarrassed by family. My mom embarrasses me when she gets drunk and hits on the pool guy..or the mailman or my friends..
My dad embarrasses me when he goes in to his macho Alpha male bullshit.
~What is your "fantasy" mate like?
Benni was probably as close to my fantasy as I've ever gotten. Not that we were ever more than friends. Just that in many ways she was my ideal woman. I sure as hell miss her.
~Is it ok for the person you're dating to have small crushes on others?
Yeah, I think it's healthy. Or at least relatively normal. I think trying to suppress those feelings is just asking for trouble.
They feel good sometimes don't they?
It's funny. I've been to Chicago many times and I've never really seen the city. I'm always stuck in the Loop the whole time. I'd love to see more of the city someday.
I actually only smoke a few cigarettes a month. And look pretty silly when I do it.
The cartoon Squee's a lot cuter than I am.
What are some of your pet peeves that involve other ppl?
When they expect me to solve all their problems. I can't solve my own what makes them think I can solve their's?
~When was the last time u were embarassed by the ppl u hung out with?
I only get embarrassed by family. My mom embarrasses me when she gets drunk and hits on the pool guy..or the mailman or my friends..
My dad embarrasses me when he goes in to his macho Alpha male bullshit.
~What is your "fantasy" mate like?
Benni was probably as close to my fantasy as I've ever gotten. Not that we were ever more than friends. Just that in many ways she was my ideal woman. I sure as hell miss her.
~Is it ok for the person you're dating to have small crushes on others?
Yeah, I think it's healthy. Or at least relatively normal. I think trying to suppress those feelings is just asking for trouble.
heidi1313:
ash...do you live anywhere near downer's grove???
VIEW 25 of 40 COMMENTS
schiavona:
They are all so cute. One of these days we'll get there to meet them. 
I fear and dread when my birds die. They're getting up there in age, and the older might go in a few years.
I'm finally eating again, but it's still upsetting my stomach. Bleh! I rea;;y appreciate you coming down here and roughing these losers up. Man, they're sure behaving themselves today. Guess you'll need to do this every few months so they stay in line.
Yeah, I can't use crt monitors any more, only the lcd ones, because they give me massive migraines over time. I have noticed the problem of not blinking often enough and dry eyes. i try to remind myself to blink more, but will occassionally blink and have my eyes sting because I've been staring to long.
To the questions:
~ merlin is my fave of the two cockateils. He's the grey. He likes to hang out on me, my should, chest, legs, whatever, and preen, sing, and have me scratch his head. he's a people bird, and likes to hang out with me. i especially love it when he falls asleep on me. Makes me so happy every time.
~ i don't have rats because I have birds. Actually, I have a bit of a fear of rodentia ever since having hamsters that would bite me. I know, I know, they are nothing like rats. Still, have to say I adore birds. So why don't you have a bird? 
~ well, not exactly sure what's up for this entire weekend, but I know Friday is a friend's b-day party. Maybe we'll try to go out for a romantic dinner, K_Rex and I, that is. So far, though, the weekend's pretty open. How about your weekend? Anything fun planned?
love and hugs to you.
I fear and dread when my birds die. They're getting up there in age, and the older might go in a few years.
I'm finally eating again, but it's still upsetting my stomach. Bleh! I rea;;y appreciate you coming down here and roughing these losers up. Man, they're sure behaving themselves today. Guess you'll need to do this every few months so they stay in line.
Yeah, I can't use crt monitors any more, only the lcd ones, because they give me massive migraines over time. I have noticed the problem of not blinking often enough and dry eyes. i try to remind myself to blink more, but will occassionally blink and have my eyes sting because I've been staring to long.
To the questions:
~ merlin is my fave of the two cockateils. He's the grey. He likes to hang out on me, my should, chest, legs, whatever, and preen, sing, and have me scratch his head. he's a people bird, and likes to hang out with me. i especially love it when he falls asleep on me. Makes me so happy every time.
~ i don't have rats because I have birds. Actually, I have a bit of a fear of rodentia ever since having hamsters that would bite me. I know, I know, they are nothing like rats. Still, have to say I adore birds. So why don't you have a bird?
~ well, not exactly sure what's up for this entire weekend, but I know Friday is a friend's b-day party. Maybe we'll try to go out for a romantic dinner, K_Rex and I, that is. So far, though, the weekend's pretty open. How about your weekend? Anything fun planned?
love and hugs to you.
fitzsimmons:
Aww they are so cute.
I just wanted to say that I saw a picture of you in some fan art that Lillithvain posted and I had to stop by. You are so gorgeous.
I've only had one pet. His name is Nosy and he is incredibly cute. I've only had him a few months but he is awesome. Mostly because he is always there when I need a friend.
I still live with my mom and she thinks rats are dirty. Actually she thinks dogs are dirty too. But I just know she would never go for a rat.
I have no plans. Chores, homework, internet. Maybe take the pup to play in the park if it isn't too cold.
I just wanted to say that I saw a picture of you in some fan art that Lillithvain posted and I had to stop by. You are so gorgeous.
I've only had one pet. His name is Nosy and he is incredibly cute. I've only had him a few months but he is awesome. Mostly because he is always there when I need a friend.
I still live with my mom and she thinks rats are dirty. Actually she thinks dogs are dirty too. But I just know she would never go for a rat.
I have no plans. Chores, homework, internet. Maybe take the pup to play in the park if it isn't too cold.
MAN, its been a hell of a month here in ASH town. It seems almost every animal I have here has come down with some kind of disease or another, most need special treatment and when u have so many to care for ... to say it is time consuming would be putting it lightly! So much for my weekly updates, gah!
Snow day today!...
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Snow day today!...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
schiavona:
Oh, I know I have things to be happy about, and I wish I could just go through the litany of the good things in my life to make me happier. I really think there's some sort of disconnect in my brain that stops me from being able to make myself happy, or let myself be happy, when something bad happens to me. I believe in some medication and therapy, so far neither are doing it for me. I guess I'm just too nervous of a person. **shrug** or maybe I think life should be better and feel better to me, but it won't. **sigh** I just don't know any more. Wish I could figure some things out. Despite how much I love what I'm doing, I think I am too nervous of a person for it. I need to look into other careers I guess. Go to a career counciler and see if that will help me find anything.
K_Rex gets home tonight, so I'm barely able to wait for that. I'm a total basket case right now. I am so fortunate that Flux, LittleFierceOne and TheFox came over Saturday and spent much time with me helping to cheer me up and keep my mind off of things. Sunday and Sunday night was shitty, but I am completely grateful for their friendship. And tonight I'll hopefully get to go to bed really early with someone to snuggle with and make me feel better just by her presence.
I need to eat something. I haven't been able to keep anything down since yesterday afternoon and I'm feeling like passing out.
To the questions:
~ this one is rather a difficult one for me to admit to, but murder. Not a random one, but a very specific person who made my life such a living hell and proved that they are beyond a shadow of a doubt an evil being.
~ wow, theme song. I've been asked this one before, but have never come up with ont. It would be something pop-ish, or lyrical, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. And possibly something by Enya.
~ dammit, how'd you find out about that?!? Well, if you must know, when the guard came to take me to the execution area, they only sent one and it was rather sloppy about securing my arms, so I grabbed its pulse pistol and shot it, then the other two guards at the hatch. I slipped into the air-vents and squirmed my way to the emergency escape pods, climbed in and activated it, which punched me out over Greenland. Damn it was a long trip back home!
~ a violent non-addict. I'd have to say anyone who is violent is worse than anyone peaceful.
~ wallowing in your misery?? No, I don't, I just want to hear about it so I know how you are really doing, so I can help you celebrate good things, and commiserate in the bad things.
Gah, still hungry. Need food.
Love you sweetie!
K_Rex gets home tonight, so I'm barely able to wait for that. I'm a total basket case right now. I am so fortunate that Flux, LittleFierceOne and TheFox came over Saturday and spent much time with me helping to cheer me up and keep my mind off of things. Sunday and Sunday night was shitty, but I am completely grateful for their friendship. And tonight I'll hopefully get to go to bed really early with someone to snuggle with and make me feel better just by her presence.
I need to eat something. I haven't been able to keep anything down since yesterday afternoon and I'm feeling like passing out.
To the questions:
~ this one is rather a difficult one for me to admit to, but murder. Not a random one, but a very specific person who made my life such a living hell and proved that they are beyond a shadow of a doubt an evil being.
~ wow, theme song. I've been asked this one before, but have never come up with ont. It would be something pop-ish, or lyrical, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. And possibly something by Enya.
~ dammit, how'd you find out about that?!? Well, if you must know, when the guard came to take me to the execution area, they only sent one and it was rather sloppy about securing my arms, so I grabbed its pulse pistol and shot it, then the other two guards at the hatch. I slipped into the air-vents and squirmed my way to the emergency escape pods, climbed in and activated it, which punched me out over Greenland. Damn it was a long trip back home!
~ a violent non-addict. I'd have to say anyone who is violent is worse than anyone peaceful.
~ wallowing in your misery?? No, I don't, I just want to hear about it so I know how you are really doing, so I can help you celebrate good things, and commiserate in the bad things.
Gah, still hungry. Need food.
Love you sweetie!
dainty_:
~Rob a bank 
~Walk The Line- Johnny Cash. Johnny is an inspiration to me, I feel I can relate to him more than anyone in my life.
~I traded a shark fetus for my escape.
~I think a violent non-addict in the sense they could hurt themselves or others.
~No. I wish I had no misery...as that saying goes misery loves company. I assume those who share theirs with me are just miserable assholes (I am referring to my assistants)
~Walk The Line- Johnny Cash. Johnny is an inspiration to me, I feel I can relate to him more than anyone in my life.
~I traded a shark fetus for my escape.
~I think a violent non-addict in the sense they could hurt themselves or others.
~No. I wish I had no misery...as that saying goes misery loves company. I assume those who share theirs with me are just miserable assholes (I am referring to my assistants
)This morning, my worst enemy was sitting at the foot of my bed.
Sobriety: "Good morning, ASH!!" (loud cackle!)
Ash: "ohhhh GAWWWD, not YOU!" (rolls over & covers head w/pillow in an attempt to try and hide)
Sobriety: "MUAHAHAH!! Not yet, u dont! I'll be here ALLL DAAAYYY!!"
Awww maaan.
(((((fast forward to now))))))
I've made promises this yr to be more social and become...
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Sobriety: "Good morning, ASH!!" (loud cackle!)
Ash: "ohhhh GAWWWD, not YOU!" (rolls over & covers head w/pillow in an attempt to try and hide)
Sobriety: "MUAHAHAH!! Not yet, u dont! I'll be here ALLL DAAAYYY!!"
Awww maaan.
(((((fast forward to now))))))
I've made promises this yr to be more social and become...
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VIEW 25 of 25 COMMENTS
scarlett:
ps, I think you should come to NH and visit me
I want my only multi girl set to be with YOU. we would make such a hot lesbian couple. and i can think of a few things we could do to get us all warmed up.... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... maybe you could shoot this in brooklyn!
I want my only multi girl set to be with YOU. we would make such a hot lesbian couple. and i can think of a few things we could do to get us all warmed up.... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... maybe you could shoot this in brooklyn!
kornalina:
Thans a pinguin bizarrrrrrrrrrrr
XD
how ar e u sexy ladyyyyyyyyy??? how is this year going??
kisexxxx
XD
how ar e u sexy ladyyyyyyyyy??? how is this year going??
kisexxxx
It's been a while since I updated, so apologies for that. Holidays were insanely busy 'round here, and after that my wonderful long time friend Snottlebocket came over to visit me from the Netherlands, so that was really fun to actually meet him in person after talking to him almost every day for hrs and hrs for the last 4 yrs I *love* to show...
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I *love* to show... Read More
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
silentwhisper:
=) glad you had friends who could help make your sons Xmas special..
I would change myself entirely, I need to get busy and stay that way, last year was the worst of my life.
I have about 4 major friends who are guys, I dont know how I could only have girls for friends.
And no I dont think its necessary but the inital attraction that could spark a friendship with a girl doesnt hurt. Friends are people you spend time doing things of common interest with, I have a harder time if my friend is hot, cause shes a friend and I dont wanna do something dumb just cause Id like to sleep with her lol
I would change myself entirely, I need to get busy and stay that way, last year was the worst of my life.
I have about 4 major friends who are guys, I dont know how I could only have girls for friends.
And no I dont think its necessary but the inital attraction that could spark a friendship with a girl doesnt hurt. Friends are people you spend time doing things of common interest with, I have a harder time if my friend is hot, cause shes a friend and I dont wanna do something dumb just cause Id like to sleep with her lol
silentwhisper:
ps. I want a tour
VIEW 25 of 51 COMMENTS
kornalina:
A m a z i n g!!
I dont have money
But I receive many presents
have a great year! mua!
I dont have money
But I receive many presents have a great year! mua!
zaccone:
Ooooo blade runner final cut do want
Aaah, the holidays. Such a stressful time for most of us. But for us parents it does give us some really happy moments when our kids rip open their gifts on xmas morning like a pack of wild savages. Thank the gods that I only have *one* spawn to watch out for. However, I'm sort of worried every year that I wont be able to...
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
silentwhisper:
hahahaha. yeah I was confused my blog doesnt jump up by 4 msgs out of nowhere lol. I just like that film for how creative it was in the way it was shot. AND yes she did teach me to share but I dont think it sunk in well, Im a pretty jealous, possessive "I dont share" type a guy lmao jk.
and hey, how can I ever meet you and share if Im not friended here? I mean come on =)
ps. so whens the next set?
jk.
and hey, how can I ever meet you and share if Im not friended here? I mean come on =)
ps. so whens the next set?
dainty_:
I am always stressed and depressed around the holidays- thank goodness for wine, I get drunktarded and sleep happily, lOl.
What your feelings are abt this holiday? Saddness...I don't see my siblings anymore so I always get choked up thinking about them since I raised them so my "birthgiver" could work.
Tell me something non-materialistic that you'd want for xmas, assuming miracles are possible. Free healthcare...too many sick people in NY who cannot afford medical bills [myself included]
What's the best gift you've ever gotten for xmas? my engagement ring from Anthony...although at the time he kept saying it was a promise ring, hahaa.
Who's the least likely person you could spend this holiday with but would be the person you'd *most* want to? my little brother.
What your feelings are abt this holiday? Saddness...I don't see my siblings anymore so I always get choked up thinking about them since I raised them so my "birthgiver" could work.
Tell me something non-materialistic that you'd want for xmas, assuming miracles are possible. Free healthcare...too many sick people in NY who cannot afford medical bills [myself included]
What's the best gift you've ever gotten for xmas? my engagement ring from Anthony...although at the time he kept saying it was a promise ring, hahaa.
Who's the least likely person you could spend this holiday with but would be the person you'd *most* want to? my little brother.
~whew~
13 out of 16 rats are pretty healthy, 2 of them are practically on their death beds and are relying soley on ME to keep them alive. One of them, Gunther, is my mans #1 favorite and I wouldnt even know how to break it to him if he passed, the other one is mammas little angel, Luxor, who can be seen on my...
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13 out of 16 rats are pretty healthy, 2 of them are practically on their death beds and are relying soley on ME to keep them alive. One of them, Gunther, is my mans #1 favorite and I wouldnt even know how to break it to him if he passed, the other one is mammas little angel, Luxor, who can be seen on my...
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VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
jekyllandhyde:
Sweet, Ash is back.
1.) I'm a big sports fan. Everyone thinks I'm this book-loving, politically aware, angry cynic (which I am), and they expect me to hate sports because that's what people like me did in high school. But I can move in both worlds.
2.) I joined probably three years ago. I was going through a rough patch and I really just wanted to feel like I was connecting with something, some group of people, anything. I always went to the groups before any of the picture sets (and I hardly ever look at sets now).
3.) I tend to be a little more bombastic online than I am in real life. In person, I try to be agreeable with people I don't know or with whom I may have differences. I try that too online, but I lose patience much more quickly here, mostly because other people try to see who can be the biggest asshole because they know they're protected by the veil of distance and, in some cases, anonymity that the internet provides rather than having to face a real person.
How have you been lately?
1.) I'm a big sports fan. Everyone thinks I'm this book-loving, politically aware, angry cynic (which I am), and they expect me to hate sports because that's what people like me did in high school. But I can move in both worlds.
2.) I joined probably three years ago. I was going through a rough patch and I really just wanted to feel like I was connecting with something, some group of people, anything. I always went to the groups before any of the picture sets (and I hardly ever look at sets now).
3.) I tend to be a little more bombastic online than I am in real life. In person, I try to be agreeable with people I don't know or with whom I may have differences. I try that too online, but I lose patience much more quickly here, mostly because other people try to see who can be the biggest asshole because they know they're protected by the veil of distance and, in some cases, anonymity that the internet provides rather than having to face a real person.
How have you been lately?
lostlucy:
Oh why are they all so sick 
Well I lost one of my good buddies the other day. My Buddy Berlin (AKA~ Buddy B), one of my favorite rats. Though I try not to play favorites, this little guy and I had a very special relationship. He was the only rat here at my house that was a free ranger. That morning he crawled out of his cage and dragged himself across...
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VIEW 25 of 31 COMMENTS
dr_lizardo:
Squirm, blush. I'm glad I met you too. You really know how to say nice things to a guy.
You told me how old you were when you commented on my last journal entry.
Being a pisces I'm supposed to be an old soul. I wish that would make me truly not a wuss, better at accepting that things will come and go. On sunday and monday I'm going to have to make deliveries to Poughkeepsie NY, then the bronx and then brooklyn, and the anxiety that I have about bringing a big rig into those places makes it tough for me to relax on the day or two that I usually have off on friday and sat.
I think that the most interesting people are the ones who are not reined in by fear. They are the ones who really build great actualities out of life's possibilities.
You told me how old you were when you commented on my last journal entry.
Being a pisces I'm supposed to be an old soul. I wish that would make me truly not a wuss, better at accepting that things will come and go. On sunday and monday I'm going to have to make deliveries to Poughkeepsie NY, then the bronx and then brooklyn, and the anxiety that I have about bringing a big rig into those places makes it tough for me to relax on the day or two that I usually have off on friday and sat.
I think that the most interesting people are the ones who are not reined in by fear. They are the ones who really build great actualities out of life's possibilities.
lostlucy:
OMG I am so sorry to hear abt your rat Poor little guy, and poor you.
Let me keep you posted abt that thing next thurs - it is a restaurant, never been there, and sometimes these events don't come thru? so let's not make you do all of that unless it's a good one ALSO -- did you dec29th is strip poker at S's? THAT is the one to plan on,a dn yes, it'll be about friends escaping family!!!
I take my health, my family, my husband, and my privieldges for granted.
I am missing one of my children and will always miss her & wish she had lived longer
I find kissing delicious
Poor little guy, and poor you.
Let me keep you posted abt that thing next thurs - it is a restaurant, never been there, and sometimes these events don't come thru? so let's not make you do all of that unless it's a good one
ALSO -- did you dec29th is strip poker at S's? THAT is the one to plan on,a dn yes, it'll be about friends escaping family!!!
I take my health, my family, my husband, and my privieldges for granted.
I am missing one of my children and will always miss her & wish she had lived longer
I find kissing delicious
Relationships can be really complex. I remember being a different "Ash" seemingly not that long ago. I have always been an independant girl, my childhood directed me in that way. A "sink or swim" type of scenario. I didn't mind, really. I felt stronger that way. I knew at a young age that u could only depend on yourself, that you didnt *need* anyone to...
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VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
panda_pewp:
you have to re-learn how to be independant. It'll be ok. I'm here if you need me
lostlucy:
Plan ahead and come out with us on Thursday December 6th as we go to Sangria for an 18+> girly night out!
You will feel stronger if you do
You will feel stronger if you do
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
anarchie:
England had a punk scene before I was born. Now it's pretty stagnant. You can see still crusty old bands from '77 or '82 but new bands don't last long or are terrivle.
I suppose I know about Chicago's scene because I got into Green Day then, the Lookout records/ Bay Area punk thing when I was in school, which lead onto bands like Screeching Weasel from Chicago.
I suppose I know about Chicago's scene because I got into Green Day then, the Lookout records/ Bay Area punk thing when I was in school, which lead onto bands like Screeching Weasel from Chicago.
alecks:
get a wii... its way more practical...it comes with a fun game already (wii sports)
unless you guys travel alot... wiis are only 250 and psp's are what like 130 or something i forget
also it depends on his age which i forget
<3 Alecks
unless you guys travel alot... wiis are only 250 and psp's are what like 130 or something i forget
also it depends on his age which i forget
<3 Alecks
heidi
I myself would never be comfertable staying at home while my boy or girlfriend worked and provided for us, for many reasons but the main one being I just wouldn't be able to cope with the "being at home" part. If I were a millionare I would have no problem what so ever with supporting a s/o but I don't think I would like to do it for a long time if it was a 'normal' job.
In past catastrophic situations I haven't kept cool... so ... I don't know really. I think the new and seemingly wiser me might handle one differently but I have yet to find out.
Don't stay around people who treat you badly, because they will not change. That is something I've learned the hard way from the past.