The most horrifying news of the year for me, so for, was Oprah’s decision to give Jenny McCarthy her own television show. McCarthy is the voice of the anti-vaccination movement. It’s a movement based on lies and rumor, bereft of scientific evidence and extremely dangerous. Giving McCarthy a daily platform to spew her unrelenting nonsense will eventually lead to the deaths of many children. They are already dying, just not yet in numbers large enough to call for McCarthy’s head. But that day is coming. As of now, the the body count stands at one hundred and ninety one children.

The anti-vaccine stupidity began back in February 1998, when Andrew Wakefield published the results of a research study in The Lancet medical journal. He concluded that vaccinations caused autism. The massive study consisted of 12 kids. Oh, and it turned out to be a lie.

Thankfully, this information was not revealed until 2009, so the McCarthy’s of the world had 11 years to blame vaccinations for autism because of a study that wasn’t true. The true cause of autism is still not known. Some studies have found genetic and environmental links, but nothing certain. To date, it is a medical mystery and that’s just not something that can be. In today’s world, there must be a reason and the anti-vaccination kids have got some fantastic evidence. It’s called “something happens when something else happens."

Causation and correlation are two different things. The McCarthy’s of the world believe they are the same thing. An action or occurrence can cause another (such as smoking causes lung cancer), or it can correlate with another (such as smoking is correlated with alcoholism). If an action causes another, they are probably correlated, but just because two things occur at the same time, it does not mean one caused the other. That is what Jenny wants the world to believe.

In her world, where she is a former Playmate and failed actor taking on scientists, autism is caused by vaccinations because the number of vaccination shots have increased at the same time the number of autism cases increased. Can you find any holes in that brilliant theory? Have more toxins been introduced to our environment? Have our children been exposed to more plastic? What about pesticides? There are millions of possibilities, but we shall focus on vaccinations. Just because. Oh, and in a related causation theory, highway fatalities are directly related to how many lemons we import. Crazy, right? It’s true. Look, here’s a graph!



There is no proven causation between vaccines and autism. You know what is proven causation? Getting polio and not being able to walk.

Some people seem to believe it’s a personal choice. They are not vaccinating their kid and that has nothing to do with your kid. Er, no. Vaccines work only if the entire herd is vaccinated. That’s why it’s called "Herd immunity."

The more unvaccinated children there are, the more likely vaccinations become ineffective and EVERYONE in the herd become susceptible. No vaccine is 100% effective. Herd immunity requires that approximately 90% of the population be vaccinated, the specific percentage depending upon the disease and the vaccine. We are currently dropping below those levels in many areas of the US. California and Colorado are areas where the percentages have dropped way below 90%.

Upper middle class idiots are the usual suspects because they have Google. Google is the new doctor. Because of vaccinations, people have forgotten how horrible a disease like pertussis can be. My pediatrician just treated a 9-week-old infant for pertussis. He spent 11 days in the hospital near death because a neighborhood kid wasn’t vaccinated. Nice parenting, your child is Typhoid Mary.

Before vaccinations, thousands of children died or got sick every year from measles, mumps and rubella. Why not go back to those good old days? How about a preventable death in Minnesota?

Hey, at least that dead kid doesn’t have autism from the vaccine that doesn’t give people autism.

I live in the epicenter of the anti-vaccination stupidity: Los Angeles.

The parents are actually searching out schools that have the highest numbers of un-vaccinated children. Hay + Match = Fire. Should work out well. And Northern California is not better.

Can these people be dumber? Oh, shit yes. They are now going medieval.

Wow, that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. Measles is like the cold, except that it can cause severe pneumonia or encephalitis and brain damage. Oh, and now that an anti-biotic resistant strain of A streptococcus is rampant, you might was well give your child the gift of itchy, open sores.

Hey, better than autism.

Imagine being the child.

The anti-vaccine movement has been criticized quite a bit from sensible humans and these crazy people called “scientists.” Amanda Peete took McCarthy on with facts, but the media turned it into an episode of “Cat Fight.” Sadly, people like Larry King and Oprah have Jenny McCarthy on because she is more fun than Mr. Boring Armed With Facts Scientist. Usually, the scientist is not as nice looking either. Plus, who wouldn’t want to take their medical advice from ex-playmates and failed sitcom stars? It just seems reasonable. Later I'm getting a cancer screening from a former mime.

Because of the criticism and the revelation that the original study was a complete lie, McCarthy and her henchmen have become more evasive and re-branded themselves as "pro-safe vaccine, not anti-vaccine." They are using the slogans, "Green Our Vaccines" and "Too Many Too Soon." Suddenly, they are no longer against vaccines, just for "safe vaccines." You know, not like the ones they falsely correlate as unsafe. Got it? It’s a no win battle against idiots. But, when questioned, McCarthy goes right back to the old stand by – it's the vaccines.

Wait. Hold on. She wants safe vaccines. Vaccines without mercury and aluminum and other toxins. BUT, IT COULD ALSO BE THE VACCINES THEMSELVES. Seriously, fuck off. She does not care if other people’s children die. Is that a crazy accusation? Not after you read her words.

Wow. So, to prevent the mythical connection to autism, you want a bunch of children to perish horribly, or be paralyzed, or suffer brain damage. Quite the Mother Theresa, you are.

You are a fantastic spokeswoman. Thoughtful, logical and batshit crazy. But why should we expect anything less from the Indigo Mother of a Crystal Child.

Hell, yeah. Take medical advice from her. That wonderful comment came out of McCarthy on the Larry King Show. She had many other delightful things to say.

No, it isn’t ironic. It’s coincidental. Those are different things.

I believe rabbits shit chocolate. An older kid told me that when I was five. It's science.

Lemons. Highway accidents. Look it up, you’ll be frightened.

The anti-vaccination crowd will continue to make unproven claims and before those claims are scientifically proven to be false, they will have created more. First it was mercury in the vaccines, which was proven to be false.

They have since moved on to “toxins.” They also think they won a court case proving vaccinations cause autism.

It’s the Hannah Poling case. The government awarded compensation to Hannah’s family for vaccine injury through the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. It was heralded as their proof. But it was later determined that Hannah suffers from a highly unusual mitochondrial disorder, which rendered her susceptible to neurological injury from high fevers. High fevers can result from vaccinations. So, was it the result of her vaccination? Sort of. It was a combination of genetic factors and a fever brought on by the vaccination. She also probably would have had a high fever at some point in her life. The case has nothing to do with autism.

But they keep on chugging along. Oprah’s gift to the world will be death via the daily ramblings of Jenny McCarthy.

Yeah, I totally believe a doctor swore at you. By the way, tremendous parenting. If a doctor swears at me, I will always let him do whatever he wants to my kid – because he’s obviously very professional.

Um, yeah. That’s not science. Do you actually call him “Science” around the house? “Your science” is actually being provided to you by scientists. It’s the stuff you are ignoring.

Indeed. Check out this baby that died from "Mommy instinct."



Get your kid vaccinated or be prepared to be called a murderer.

Autism's False Prophets: Bad Science, Risky Medicine, and the Search for a Cure

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.