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Why Republicans Are Such Fucking Babies

SATURDAY APRIL 21 2007 4:00 PM

TAGS: Conservatives, Liberals,



Now, that headline may seem like a biased generalization about Republicans, but it is a scientific fact according to Psychology Today. Suddenly everything makes sense and I can actually feel a bit of empathy for these obtuse, sad creatures.

"Personality differences between liberals and conservatives are evident in early childhood. In 1969, Berkeley professors Jack and Jeanne Block embarked on a study of childhood personality, asking nursery school teachers to rate children's temperaments. They weren't even thinking about political orientation.

Twenty years later, they decided to compare the subjects' childhood personalities with their political preferences as adults. They found arresting patterns. As kids, liberals had developed close relationships with peers and were rated by their teachers as self-reliant, energetic, impulsive, and resilient. People who were conservative at age 23 had been described by their teachers as easily victimized, easily offended, indecisive, fearful, rigid, inhibited, and vulnerable at age 3. The reason for the difference, the Blocks hypothesized, was that insecure kids most needed the reassurance of tradition and authority, and they found it in conservative politics.”


Wow. Conservatives started being annoying at age 3. They were the ones doing all the crying and whining and making life tough the well-adjusted liberals. Excuse me, I meant self-reliant, energetic liberals. So, what kind of horrible, fearful life have conservatives lived since then? We can look to a 2003 study involving 22,000 participants.

Researchers found that conservatives have a greater desire to reach a decision quickly and stick to it, and are higher on conscientiousness, which includes neatness, orderliness, duty, and rule-following. The study's authors also concluded that conservatives have less tolerance for ambiguity, a trait they say is exemplified when George Bush says things like, "Look, my job isn't to try to nuance. My job is to tell people what I think," and "I'm the decider." Those who think the world is highly dangerous and those with the greatest fear of death are the most likely to be conservative.


So, there you go, scientific proof that conservatives are awful, scared people. Until now I hadn’t realized that people actually responded positively to Bush saying, “I’m the decider.” Fascinating. It’s like a look inside a badger den – even more horrible than I could have imagined. It’s all shit, claws and hair.

What about liberals? How about everything that is good in the world?

Liberals are higher on openness, which includes intellectual curiosity, excitement-seeking, novelty, creativity for its own sake, and a craving for stimulation like travel, color, art, music, and literature.


Thank you liberals, for art and happiness. Too bad conservatives are also scared of art.

 

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Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

APR 21, 2007 04:07 PM

This is just another example of reality's well-known liberal bias.

POH

POH

Seattle, WA
July 2004

APR 21, 2007 04:17 PM

Zarth said:
This is just another example of reality's well-known liberal bias.



Thank God that the conservatives have set up another reality that's "fair and balanced."

Johnny_Flapjacks

Johnny_Flapjacks

Williamsport, PA
September 2006

APR 21, 2007 04:19 PM

so wait.... which ones were eating paste?

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

APR 21, 2007 04:27 PM

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?



Libertarians?

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
This thread has epic potential.

rediscover

rediscover

Naperville, IL
April 2007

APR 21, 2007 04:28 PM

in a sick twisted kinda way i find this article hilarious....

Volkov

Volkov

Austin, TX
OLD SKOOL

APR 21, 2007 04:30 PM

Vestril said:

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?



Libertarians?



socialists?

skeptik

skeptik

New Orleans, LA
February 2004

APR 21, 2007 04:32 PM

joker_

joker_

Windsor, CA
October 2005

APR 21, 2007 04:33 PM

I always thought it might be because of an undiscovered retardation gene.

This research will get them infuriated, and they'll do their own "research" We all know how that goes.

Exhibit A:
Global Warming.

Zarth

zarth

Seattle, WA
December 2004

APR 21, 2007 04:35 PM

Volkov said:

Vestril said:

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?


Libertarians?


socialists?


I'm guessing from this exchange that they were both too occupied putting paste in each other's hair to eat much of it.

Vestril

Vestril

Coronado, CA
February 2003

APR 21, 2007 04:36 PM

Zarth said:

Volkov said:

Vestril said:

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?


Libertarians?


socialists?


I'm guessing from this exchange that they were both too occupied putting paste in each other's hair to eat much of it.



Why are you so completely humorless, Zarth?

herbancowboy

herbancowboy

Houston, TX
June 2004

APR 21, 2007 04:37 PM

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?



Clearly not the vegan anarchists.

razumikhin

razumikhin

I'm lost
September 2002

APR 21, 2007 04:42 PM

Zarth said:

Volkov said:

Vestril said:

Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?


Libertarians?


socialists?


I'm guessing from this exchange that they were both too occupied putting paste in each other's hair to eat much of it.



no, the ones putting paste in each other's hair were the whigs.

st_even

st_even

Milwaukee, WI
September 2006

APR 21, 2007 04:43 PM



I thought FearTheReaper did a good job...but once again was PROVEN WRONG.

st_even

st_even

Milwaukee, WI
September 2006

APR 21, 2007 04:44 PM

razumikhin said:
no, the ones putting paste in each other's hair were the whigs.



Wow, I didn't realize how far back this study went.

...waits for it...

Untimely

Untimely

USA
January 2007

APR 21, 2007 04:58 PM


Johnny_Flapjacks said:
so wait.... which ones were eating paste?


Libertarians?


socialists?




I think the socialists were probably 'borrowing' the libertarians' paste to feed those who didn't have their own.

Meanwhile, the libertarians were ignoring the teacher, and telling the socialists that 'if your parents didn't buy you any paste, then you don't deserve to eat any paste'.

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