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  • SUNDAY APRIL 2 2006 1:43 PM

Green Day Nabs Two Blimps, Instructs Children to Stick It to Man

Submitted by NoThanks

Edited by NoThanks

The notoriously icy hearts of America’s kids are no match for the smoldering stare of Green Day heartthrob Billie Joe Armstrong, as was proven again Saturday after his smeary, hypnotic gaze compelled children everywhere to bestow his band with two Blimps at Nickelodeon’s 19th Annual Kids Choice Awards.

Already proven adept at opening kids’ wallets, this latest demonstration of Armstrong’s sway over TV-saturated children is a cause for concern, according to some experts, who fear a Green Day-led army of youngsters could challenge the authority of American shopping-mall security guards and deplete dangerously low world mascara reserves.

One Blimp was presented to the ostensibly punk-rock band for being favorite music group. The other was awarded for the act’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends,” voted favorite song by the small children and creepy 40-somethings devoted to the popular cable television channel hosting the event.

Green Day now joins the ranks of other Blimp recipients, such as Whoopi Goldberg and Paula Abdul, in exemplifying the rebelliousness and opposition to authority that typifies punk.

“Don't believe everything you see on television, and stick it to the man,” Armstrong instructed his audience while accepting a Blimp. Reports credit his words with a 4,972% next-day spike in sales for Howard Zinn books, as children rushed from the ceremony to locally owned, independent bookstores and began exploring nonconformist thought.

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Comments
meggle

meggle

Berkeley, CA
November 2002

APR 02, 2006 01:54 PM

amusing irony...but kids should read zinn anyway...

Tangus

Tangus

Chicago, IL
November 2005

APR 02, 2006 01:57 PM

this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.

NoThanks

NoThanks

American Samoa
March 2006

APR 02, 2006 02:00 PM

no.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

APR 02, 2006 02:01 PM

Years from now, archaelogists will still be sifting through the sarcasm and irony of this article but will be no closer to deciphering its meaning.

Jessewestend

Jessewestend

I'm lost
OLD SKOOL

APR 02, 2006 02:03 PM

no he has a point just because he hates something with conviction that makes the rest of us weakminded. Unless of course green day is just a band and not worth arguing about. Listen or don't.

malmuud

malmuud

Newark, DE
July 2003

APR 02, 2006 02:06 PM

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



Remember, it's only punk rock until you move out of your mom's basement. If you happen to make money off of it, you've then become THE MAN.

NoThanks

NoThanks

American Samoa
March 2006

APR 02, 2006 02:10 PM

just for the record, the tone of this was just meant to be absurd, nothing more. i realize internet culture runs on self-righteousness, but i sincerely didn't intend to lobby any serious criticism against green day for who they are or what they do, and i certainly don't begrudge them their well-earned success, or blimps. i guess i was just kind of hoping that newswire readers with a similar sense of humor to mine would get a chuckle or two out of it before getting on with the important stuff (masturbation).

[Edited on Apr 02, 2006 2:11PM]

wottan

wottan

Vancouver, BC
July 2004

APR 02, 2006 02:16 PM

Yeah I really dont know what people are not getting about this article. People seem to give new editors a hard time for no reason these days.

theseeman

theseeman

Asheville, NC
December 2002

APR 02, 2006 02:20 PM

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



Why not classical or Koto or something? Besides "dookie" my nonexistant children would not have time for greenday. Until they know Beethoven's by heart we can leave of the faux/fashion punk shit that is greenday.

SirPsychoSexy

SirPsychoSexy

Ridgewood, NJ
January 2004

APR 02, 2006 02:23 PM

I love Greenday and have listened to them since like the 5th grade, but that "when September ends" song is utter shite.
It makes me lean over and change the radio channel every time the intro to the song starts. whatever

LiquidYogi

LiquidYogi

Claremont, CA
September 2003

APR 02, 2006 02:46 PM

Kids buying books and reading instead of sitting in front of a TV for HOURS AND HOURS. Ya might be a good idead.

Ravyne

Ravyne

Bellevue, WA
May 2003

APR 02, 2006 03:58 PM

I think the reaction to the article was more in response to the 'punk' attitude that anything attaining a certain level of success is somehow no longer punk, which is not to say that Green Day is or is not, but you know the attitude I'm talking about. I'm sure theres been cases of bands releasing pre-success material after becoming successful and still being recarded as sellouts and not 'true punk.' Its an attitude that sickens me to know even exists, even though I personaly dislike 98% of the punk music I've heard.

Its this attitude that makes punk less of a counter-culture and more of an anti-culture. Its the difference between people loving their scene and seeing it as The One True Scene, like some sort of whacked out religion.

Its just music people and as powerful as it can be, its not something that should rule your lifestyle. To each their own.

steve626

steve626

Tarentum, PA
February 2005

APR 02, 2006 04:26 PM

NOFX is punk. Green Day... not so much.

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

APR 02, 2006 04:41 PM

Ravyne said:
I think the reaction to the article was more in response to the 'punk' attitude that anything attaining a certain level of success is somehow no longer punk, which is not to say that Green Day is or is not, but you know the attitude I'm talking about. I'm sure theres been cases of bands releasing pre-success material after becoming successful and still being recarded as sellouts and not 'true punk.' Its an attitude that sickens me to know even exists, even though I personaly dislike 98% of the punk music I've heard.

Its this attitude that makes punk less of a counter-culture and more of an anti-culture. Its the difference between people loving their scene and seeing it as The One True Scene, like some sort of whacked out religion.

Its just music people and as powerful as it can be, its not something that should rule your lifestyle. To each their own.


For the record, my reaction was based on nothing of the sort. It was obvious the original poster was kidding around, so I did too. I couldn't give a shit about a "punk attitude"

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

APR 02, 2006 04:42 PM

Tangus said:
this article is such a waste of sarcasm.

if I had a kid, I'd rather have him/her listening to Green Day than Nickelback or Kidz Bop.

put things in perspective before you go for the cheap laugh.



No, man, fuck that. Kidz Bop is fucking great. Look at some of the tracks off the last three albums:
Float on
Feel Good Inc
Pon de Replay
Since U Been Gone
Take Me Out

Pop gems, one and all.

And if you haven't downloaded the Kidz Bop version of Float On, you're missing out.

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