Q: You're a self-described geek. Mind explaining your personal definition of the term, and why you think you turned out this way?

A: I don't think it's easy to define what makes someone a geek; it's one of those things that you have to intrinsically grok (and if you know what I'm talking about, you're probably a geek. Here's your d20.) I personally knew I was a geek when I was in fifth or sixth grade, and I'd rather read my friend's Dungeon Master's Guide than play kickball.

Q: Did your time on Star Trek: The Next Generation do anything to cement your fate as an inevitable fan of gaming?

A: I had an average of 4d10 minutes of spare time whenever they'd set up a new shot, or work on a scene that I wasn't in. During that time, I played games like Car Wars or OGRE with my friend Caius, who was my guardian until I turned 18.

After I was old enough to babysit myself, I spent that time painting Warhammer 40K miniatures and designing GURPS adventures. I played geeky games like Illuminati and silly games like Nuclear War on the weekends, so I was well on my way to being a capital-G Gamer, but the free time on the set certainly accelerated the process.

Q: What do you think of all the controversy surrounding the title and the Hot Coffee scandal?

A: It's completely fucking retarded. This "scandal" has nothing to do with the actual content in the game; it's all about politics. Busybody suburbanites and opportunistic politicians have been looking for a reason to attack Rockstar Games for years, and they finally found something that has traction with the mainstream media. There's sex and violence involved, so they know the nightly news will cover it. (And the reporting on the entire "controversy" has been outrageously irresponsible and inaccurate – shocking, right?)

To listen to these idiots pontificate, you'd come to the conclusion that killing cops, hookers or gang members and engaging in all the various forms of mayhem and criminal behavior in San Andreas is just fine. It's the insanely benign pseudo-sexual content that's a danger to those sweet little children who shouldn't be playing the game anyway! Won't someone think of the children?! Give me a break.

Look, the game is rated M for a reason, and anyone who is all worked up by the thought of a hidden mod that requires a ton of effort to unlock, and doesn't even produce a result that's as sexy as fifteen minutes of Desperate Housewives shouldn't be playing the game or allowing their children to play the game.

And Congress can just get the hell out of this issue. Isn't there anything else that's just moderately more important to the entire nation than a videogame? I'm pretty sure there is.