Dear Jennifer Lopez,

While at first blush it might seem terrible that producers planned your first biopic movie to be a porno called J-Ho: Jenny on the Cock, I, however, think you should look on the bright side. There’s no wardrobe; therefore, you won’t be reminded of the dark days of 2002 when you and Ben Affleck wore nothing but cheesy velour tracksuits.

And, the young lady playing the title role, Jasmine Byrne (you may be familiar with some of her earlier works, such Britney Rears 3 and Angels of Debauchery,) said she’s a huge fan and hopes to honor you with her performance.

So, Jenny, your career is in the toilet and you’re married to a dude who looks like Skeletor, but at least you have a cute girl with a special predilection portraying you.

Apparently, she’s an expert at anal sex, so, as she’s getting banged, we can close one eye, squint, and pretend it’s your famous ass. Happy now?

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