i feel terrible. the last thing i want is to hurt somebody i care about. i feel that if feelings aren't mutual then the relationship has to end. i felt like i was in a relationship for the other person and not for myself. i know that's selfish but ending it seemed to be the only way to stop hurting them and to make myself happy. it's not that i wasn't happy i just didn't have feelings beyond friendship and physical attraction and that's not enough. i hurt somebody and i hate myself for it but i hope it was the right thing to do.

happy happy joy joy, happy happy joy joy! yeah, finally after my whole existence in Colorado I'm finally meeting some hardcore kidz. two parties in two nights, planty of sodas later and i have made some good friends. I don't know where they've been hiding or where i've been but colorado hardcore kidz unite. haha. i don't know what i was doing before the good times hardcore dancing stuff but it certainly wasn't anything important. I still need to meet more people with posi attitudes who can have a good time without a lot of alcohol and meat burgers. =friends
= HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

so i'm going to become a social worker of some sort. kinda strange because i was brought up with the idea of becomming insanely wealthy and living behind some gated community, but the whole "inner wealth" thing is more appealing. i'm not sure into which field i will go but i'm thinking of working with inner city children, maybe in drug counseling, maybe both. whatever, i want to help someone. i don't forsee making tons of money but the experiences and relationships i will develope will more than make up for a lack of finances. yeah, that's the only relization i've had lately. for the time being i'll be an economiic drain on my parents and finish my education and sleeve. my arm turned pretty random but i like it, it reflects my personality, random. yeah and that too....

wow boom!

hmm, i guess i'll make my profile finally so i can comment on the beautiful photo sets. yup, another boring day,but i'm learning all kinds of stuff in college so that's ok.