urblueygrl

Its so weird how your whole life can suddenly change and everything can feel so different. Ive always known how somethings in my life would be and some other things i just kinda always thought would be a certain way. Then last night after having a very long and hard conversation, i had to deal with the fact that my life will never be the way that Ive always thought it would be. I got all those old feeling and thoughts I use to have back in my head about how "I will never be good enough" and alot of other really hurtful thoughts. I even had a small panic attack, which was alittle weird and really worried my husband. I do understand that im still very lucky and have a wonderful life without those other things. I have a guy that I love with all my heart and would do anything for, and he loves me as much as he possible can. And thats why it seems so stupid for me to say, but sometimes life is so unfair...

Then today things have been alittle better and since the talk we have decided on possible looking into one of the things that i didnt think was possible. Still not sure if will happen or if it is even at all possible, but it has helped to cheer me up a bit. I still have this huge empty feeling in my chest and kinda feel like maybe im in shock but Im hoping that starts to fade soon. I know this probably makes no sense at all since I was a bit vague, but this is really the only place I have to talk about these things.