trixel

"And in the element of darkness
The starlight shimmers on the spray And falls towards you

Your perfect lover's never there
And if she was, she wouldn't be -- and neither, though, would you"

-Airscape by Robyn Hitchcock

That song reminds me of one of the last really good times I spent with my ex, K, before everything imploded. It was probably five years ago. Spontaneously he decided to come with my parents, sister and I camping one late summer weekend at a lake not far from where I live. I live on the prairies: lakes like oceans, big skies, aurora borealis.

Everyone had gone to sleep in their tents except me and K. It was just after midnight. Full moon. Windy and warm. We wandered out into the woods on our way to the beach. The trees grow high and close to the path there. Crazy shadows spilled everywhere as they danced in the high winds and the moonlight.

For minutes we walked without speaking through the darkness of the woods, emerging onto the sand. Oh, the brightness: the glitter of the sand, the sparkle of the waves, the silvery moon. We stripped and went swimming.

Naked, singing, laughing. Splashing through the waves, more laughter. The wind picking up our words, distant lightning. The moon.

After our swim, standing hugging on the beach, caressed by the warm wind. I danced for pure pleasure, full of crackle and joy, leaping and kicking up shimmers of sand.

Then we heard someone cough: a man had been standing in the dark woods watching. He disappeared. We came back to ourselves and got dressed.

I know it's best that K's gone. It doesn't stop me missing him sometimes.