poolboy6

I just watched Children of Men. A bunch of my co-workers said it sucked and was boring, but the premise interested me and I love Clive Owen, Julianne Moore, Michael Caine and Chiwetel Ejiofor. Really. They are among my favorites. Granted, with the exception of the lovely Ms. Moore, they are all character actors, for the most part (Owen the brooding, tortured hero, Caine the mentor, and Ejiofor the noble, driven, adversary), they are REALLY FUCKING GOOD character actors.

I loved the movie.

I loved the story, I loved the cinematography, I loved the performances, I loved the music, I loved pretty much everything about it. I have a soft spot for dystopia. When I see Children of Men or read the original comic of V for Vendetta, I saw something completely antithetical to my being.

I am, at my root, an optimist. My mom, God rest her soul, certainly made me that way. I am an idealist. I believe in things. I believe in freedom, self-determination, and love. I believe in these things as an end state or a goal. For all of my ideals, however, I am still imbued with a certain sense of pragmatism. I guess it's because I've seen a lot in my 33 years. I've lived on three continents, visited a fourth, fought in two wars, and through all of this I understand that all of the ideals in the world don't mean fuck all when you are hungry and desperate.

I don't ever want to come back to Iraq. There, I've said it. Before you start thinking I've come over to your side, hear me out. I don't ever want to come back to Iraq. I never wanted to go to Iraq in the first place. I never wanted to go to Afghanistan. Fuck, I never wanted to join the Army. I had to do these things. I am a good fucking interrogator. Do I like manipulating people, tearing down their mental defenses and leaving them so raw and exposed that the only salvation they can find is in cooperation with me? Fuck no. I have to do this. Would I rather be back home in Pennsylvania, with my family, my friends, my dog? Of course. However, my place is here. I have to do this.

Some of you will say "Dude, you don't HAVE to do this." In one sense, this is true. It's an all volunteer Army. There isn't a person left in here that didn't enlist or reenlist while we have been at war. We all chose this. We didn't have to. We all could have done something else. I could have stayed at home in PA. Other friends of mine could have continued being law students, production assistants, golf pros, district managers, teachers, cooks, or whatever we were before we enlisted. We all have our reasons for coming here. My reason:

Dystopia.

Dystopia eats at me. The thought of it scares me. Preventing it is why I do what I do.

Someone very dear to me told me that I need to stop worrying about saving the world and work on saving myself. I know I won't change the world. I know I won't inspire anyone to change the world. And yes, I know that any good I do is so minor in the face of the overwhelming forces of apathy, greed, and selfishness. Statistically insignificant. But just maybe.

There it is. There's my mom's idealism creeping in.

So what started with a brief movie review turned into a bit of what makes me tick. Enjoy.