What’s your dream Halloween costume? Sexy or scary or a combination of both.
Mine would be a combination, a plague doctors costume with the butt cut out, I think plague doctors are pretty sexy but my butt is horrifying.
Monkeytable
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
monkeytable:
@lil_sapphira great choice that would look amazing, a princess version of Pride, Prejudice and Zombies. Love the set by the way, great premise and very beautiful.
lil_sapphira:
Thank you :) it seems like it would be fun. I’ve always wanted to do it but never have :/
Halloween is almost upon us and that means one thing… teens brutally murdered by brooding monstrous psychopaths hell bent on revenge against nerd ostracising cliques….oh and eating so much candy my gums bleed.
This year I will be mostly eating refined sugar from a sack, that and Cadbury’s chocolate bars melted into a a wheelbarrow, reformed as one giant block and consumed in a single...
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Good morning to you! My last blog gave useful advice on staying alive in a forest/ woodland/garden with a few trees. Today I will talk about the fundamentals of exercise.
1. Warm up - this is very important, make sure you stretch properly. I do this by hanging from a fourth floor balcony for as long as possible, make sure you don’t plummet to your...
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nannakya:
Wow! Very interesting 😉
Good evening to you. As a survival expert I thought it my moral duty to share some of my potentially life saving techniques if you ever find yourself shitting it in a wood/forest/parkland with a few bushes.
1. Water - if in a group split up and wander from the main path, this is where you will find water. I did this and was found...
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peregrina:
OMG HAHAHAHAHAH
After selling all of the previous band names i now have some new ones in stock, choose from the below and select one of my convenient payment plans:
Spatchcocked Vulva
Set upon by cyclists
Fick as Phuk
Anal Prolapse
Drugged by Pandas
Thuk Masheen
Dr Pleasure
Voluminous Pantaloons
Grapefruit Enema
Acid Haüs
Mission:Implausible
Hair by Maurice
Rats Rats Rats
Hateful Jake
Gripping Dick
The Trouser...
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When I was younger, so much younger than today… wrote some barely known musicians in the 60’s. This is my poem about growing up, I didn’t need any Help!
Written for @rubymoon as the winner of my competition (sorry I took so long, I definitely didn’t just hurriedly write it in the last few minutes)
begins
I wonder what life would be like in reverse?...
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rubymoon:
Omg! I'm sorry but I've only seen it now. And I completely love it! You did a great work with the rhymes ❤️
monkeytable:
@rubymoon thanks I’m glad you like it. I thought they were pretty good, I’m rhyming at a fourth grade level now. I hope you’re doing well.
Can you guess the lie from each of these series of 3 ‘facts’ about me?
1) I own almost 5 pairs of jeans
2) Whilst in space I became infected by an alien parasite that burst through my chest killing me instantly
3) I often walk to the shops
can you guess which one was the lie? next set:
1) whilst living in the Goondocks...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rubymoon:
@monkeytable Yayyy!! Hmmmm... about growing up!
monkeytable:
@rubymoon it’s not something I intend to do but I can definitely write one about it. I will start tomorrow (whenever that is, I’m in Europe and you’re in Brazil so quite a time difference!)
I’m looking for a companion for the impending end of the world. They must:-
1) Be able to outrun a zombie horde
2) Able to make weapons from household items
3) Be willing to fight off marauding looters
4) Enjoy moonlit walks along secluded beaches
5) kill or be killed
6) Like cuddles in the kitchen to get things off the ground
7) Be strong...
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hilo:
you forgot: be able to lo populate the world in case of loneliness
monkeytable:
@hilo you’re absolutely right, I’m willing to give it a go if you are? For the sake of humankind of course, not because you’re hot as hell!
This week I’ve mostly been constructing a secret underground lair. I was inspired by Rick and Morty, if one old man can singlehandedly build a futuristic lab under his garage surely it can’t be that hard? Boy was I wrong!
After my neighbors garden collapsed into a 20ft deep hole I’d dug underneath, I thought it best to cover my tracks and call the police...
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Want a band name? Rent one below, satisfaction guaranteed or your money burned in front of your eyes you ungrateful shit!
current names available:
The Quim Troublers
Adventures In Cat Faeces
Squalid Beast Wagon
Yogurt Farm Massacre
Night Squirm
The Brakial Squat Collective
Twat Testers
The Knight is Jung
Howl As I Moon
Gobblers Knob
Torn Apart by Tiny Dogs
The Withered Dicks
Lobster Sabbatical...
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rubymoon:
So many interesting ideas lol
Once upon a time there was a land much like your own, the air was familiar as were the buildings.
This land was bountiful with the fruits of the earth and no one went hungry, the people celebrated the harvest with joyful festivals on long summer nights, the warm breeze embracing the swirling dancers.
For many years the people were happy and wanted for nothing,...
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Bonsai! That’s what I shout when i streak through my neighbors garden at 4am. I’m often naked or just wearing a small knitted scarf.
My favorite word is ‘planetoftheapes’ but I often use it out of context, like ‘ have you ever been to planetoftheapes?’
I once shaved my testicles so smooth my underwear kept falling off through lack of friction.
I can recite the...
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