Hey does anybody else go into self destructive mode after a breakup? I just had this breakup and now there's been this chain of events that's been sooo shitty. I've been drinking like crazy. I freaked out at two parties really drunk (I never freak out at parties) and told a bunch of girls I wanted to fuck them (dont remember doing that)..ewww. and now I've been trying to shut out as much as the outside world as possible. To top things off I think I'm going fucking mental when I try to sleep. When I go lay down, if I think of my ex's voice I start to remember her telling me things like she used to. "I love you, I miss you soo much" that sort of thing ect..ect.. I got worried the other night when this happened. It went into a broken record mode in my head like I was fucking Howard Hughes in the Aviator or something. I mean WTF!! It actually worried me... The breakup itself lacked any kind of closure. We broke up on text message and IM.. I never even heard her voice once over the course of the breakup or since. We tried to make it a clean break but and it's pretty much been one. Its just I know she really loved me and I loved her too. Im trying to get her out of my head but, its soooo hard...I don't know what to do. I want to know that she's getting laid or that she has a new boyfriend. Maybe that would help me forget. It just really felt like I had true love with her.
One day I did look at her myspace page and thought I saw evidence of a boyfriend..It's probably true but, I don't want to look there again or think I shouldn't.
As far as the relationship. She was one of these girls who thought it was cool to have a husband and a boyfriend. I was the boyfriend. She allowed me to fall in love with her over the course of several months and was even the first one to start saying "I love you". It really felt like she meant it. I had always despised her husband and one day it caused me to get upset. We had an argument and this argument led to the breakup. She wouldn't even humor me by saying they were separated. She stated to me that he was her "husband" and that I was "supposed to be just for fun"..(this is from the girl who told me she loved me all the time) They had two really young kids and they thought staying together as a couple would benefit them while they chose to see other people. This seemed commendable enough but, the reality of this arrangement sucked for the people they were trying to date. At least it did for me. I knew from the beginning that this was a fucked up situation but, somehow I still ended up falling in love with her. She was just so reserved and nice and like a sex goddess. I was sorta hoping that after I left they would have a chance to reconcile and maybe save their marriage but, I doubt this happened. She probably just found a new boyfriend ( a downgrade). I don't doubt that she's in some kind of pain too and I still want her back. Mainly because I'm a dumb ass. I keep thinking well what if? shes always had a way of saying stupid things..maybe I was being too hard on her? maybe she would have come to her senses and started seeing me as a real person eventually.. why?... why? ahh oh well.. I hope she doesn't see this.
One day I did look at her myspace page and thought I saw evidence of a boyfriend..It's probably true but, I don't want to look there again or think I shouldn't.
As far as the relationship. She was one of these girls who thought it was cool to have a husband and a boyfriend. I was the boyfriend. She allowed me to fall in love with her over the course of several months and was even the first one to start saying "I love you". It really felt like she meant it. I had always despised her husband and one day it caused me to get upset. We had an argument and this argument led to the breakup. She wouldn't even humor me by saying they were separated. She stated to me that he was her "husband" and that I was "supposed to be just for fun"..(this is from the girl who told me she loved me all the time) They had two really young kids and they thought staying together as a couple would benefit them while they chose to see other people. This seemed commendable enough but, the reality of this arrangement sucked for the people they were trying to date. At least it did for me. I knew from the beginning that this was a fucked up situation but, somehow I still ended up falling in love with her. She was just so reserved and nice and like a sex goddess. I was sorta hoping that after I left they would have a chance to reconcile and maybe save their marriage but, I doubt this happened. She probably just found a new boyfriend ( a downgrade). I don't doubt that she's in some kind of pain too and I still want her back. Mainly because I'm a dumb ass. I keep thinking well what if? shes always had a way of saying stupid things..maybe I was being too hard on her? maybe she would have come to her senses and started seeing me as a real person eventually.. why?... why? ahh oh well.. I hope she doesn't see this.