What started out as a "runaway" weekend with my boyfriend to arizona turned out to become my worst nightmare.
We had been planning this trip for months to go visit our gamer friends in Arizona. Staying up late playing Cards Against Humanity and Munchkins....eating at awesome restaurants and just having a stress free weekend since we both needed it. We drive all the way to Phoenix (about 4.5 hours) and start the weekend off great.
On Sunday we went to Dave and Busters and that's where it began to spiral out of control. My mother called me but I didnt hear my phone so she called my boyfriend who picked up. I was in the middle of playing guitar hero when he walked away to chat. He was only gone about 4 minutes and when he came back the first thing he said to me was "I love you" followed by "We need to talk".
We snuck into a "banquet" hall in the back and he looked me straight in the face and said "Katie passed" (my sister is Katie). I didnt believe him, I told him that wasn't funny. And he said it again. I fell to the floor and was shaking. I called my mom back and asked what happened. I couldn't understand her because she was crying so hard and the only I caught was "you need to come home, I need you guys here".
I wiped my tears and walked out into Dave and Busters where my friends were still waiting. They asked if everything was ok and I said "My sister died." And then just broke down in the middle of the establishment.
Of course we drove home right away. It was the longest drive in my life. 3 hours of complete silence...no radio...no talking...just silence. The last hour I finally put on music because I couldn't take it anymore.
When I got home I went straight to my moms house and hugged her. We then discussed details of what happened. My sister had always had issues with alcohol/drugs....but she had recently been on a good path..or so we thought. She basically over did it, got into the tub, passed out and drowned to death.
I'm still in shock. This week has been an just a crazy emotional roller coaster where I'm crying and then I'm not and then I'm crying and I'm not.
The wake is today and the funeral tomorrow. I'm sure it only gets worse from here because reality is setting in. I am uunsure how to handle death.....
My sister was funny, compassionate and only 36 years old...she left behind an 8 year old niece who still doesn't understand that she won't see her mom ever again. And I think that is killing me the most.
It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.
Mara