There's nothing for me here anymore. I cringe when I type that tired-out line. I'm sick of the fully stocked refrigerator and the devastatingly quiet dishwashing machine. The soft carpet. Remote controls. The things I'll miss when I'm gone, but never would admit. Can't admit. Because I'm building myself as something different this time around.
"You are the most self-reliant woman I've ever met." He...
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"You are the most self-reliant woman I've ever met." He...
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VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
Had some success last night in dreaming. Found that falling asleep with someone's name on my lips drew him into the fabric of my dream. I'll spare uinterested parties the details, but it was quite pretty, despite an embarrassing situation early on.
Gaining some control over my dreams brings confidence, which helps bring even more awareness into my them. It's a nice cycle, better than...
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Gaining some control over my dreams brings confidence, which helps bring even more awareness into my them. It's a nice cycle, better than...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
tororo:
My mother died when i was a child. Sometimes after that, I woke up in the middle of night, remembering a dream I just had she was in. For five years, I kept a notebook near to my bed for keeping a record of every dream I was able to remember when waking up. I never felt i could succeed in gaining control over them... but discovered how much things may be drawn unexpectedly "into the fabric of our dreams" . I gained also the conviction that dreams are friendly things, as strange or uncanny as they could be.
martyr13:
i hope all is well for you lady.
i didn't hear from you..and it seems like there was good reason. i take no offense.
hahahahah
keep it real, under the stars, in your folks' backyard..
doing training for the road.
reach me if you need me.
the invite always stands and i know you are leaving soon.
find your way to where you need to be, it all gets better and better.
mark
i didn't hear from you..and it seems like there was good reason. i take no offense.
hahahahah
keep it real, under the stars, in your folks' backyard..
doing training for the road.
reach me if you need me.
the invite always stands and i know you are leaving soon.
find your way to where you need to be, it all gets better and better.
mark
Last night I found an old credit card of mine with $500 credit on it. Why, god, why? I treated myself to a little online shopping spree. I nearly bought night vision goggles, but my friend stepped in at the exact right moment and told me that night vision goggles don't work nearly as well as they do in the movies. Damn.
Today I'm writing...
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Today I'm writing...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
sixsixty:
i wonder how you will say my name?
cypher:
good 2 talk with you last night. sexy girl. backyard star sleeper.
lucky me.
lucky me.
I'd like to buy a relatively small (one gallon or less) quantity of hydrofluoric acid. Any ideas where I might find this?
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
timmy:
Just get some gasoline, kitty litter, and frozen concentrated orange juice then ....
cypher:
very.sexy.profile.picture.thankyou.
Maybe I should shut off my computer and step outside this afternoon?
Oh, yuck. It's craptacular.
I'm fasting. I decided to give my digestive system a little break for the next few days. How come my fridge has to be filled with such delicious food for once? Stuffed green olives...copious amounts of yummy cheese...and those perfect little tomatoes. Damnit. The first day of a fast...
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Oh, yuck. It's craptacular.
I'm fasting. I decided to give my digestive system a little break for the next few days. How come my fridge has to be filled with such delicious food for once? Stuffed green olives...copious amounts of yummy cheese...and those perfect little tomatoes. Damnit. The first day of a fast...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
martyr13:
and oh...
i was listening to this as per usual..
jawbreaker that is...
and this hit me...you should read it..
again...if it is forgotten to you..
being as your trip and its reasons..
but i like it..
....
"it gets lonliest at nightdown at the liquor store beneath the neon sky. my moonlight. six am the floor comes alive with lice. the pans dried up so tight with hardened beans. we're hungry. so i lean on you sometimes just to see your still there. your feet can't take the weight of one, much less two. we hit concrete. how where we born into this mess? i know i painted you a prettier picture baby. we were run out on a rail. fell from the wagon to the night train. i kissed the bottle. i should have been kissing you. you wake up to an empty night with tears for two. cigarettes they fill the gapsin our empty days, in our broken teeth. we're jonesing. say mister can you spare a dime? some change could make a change. could buy some time, some freedom or an ear to hear my story. its all i've got. my fiction beats the hell out of my truth. a palm upturned burnt blue. don't call it sunburn. you've been shaking on the job. just one drink ahead of your past. there's a white light coming up. you draw the blinds an hope it'll pass......."
any way...
it made me think of you...and all the progress you are making...
and it took me back to the road...as is often so nice...
all my love and support as ever....
mark
i was listening to this as per usual..
jawbreaker that is...
and this hit me...you should read it..
again...if it is forgotten to you..
being as your trip and its reasons..
but i like it..
....
"it gets lonliest at nightdown at the liquor store beneath the neon sky. my moonlight. six am the floor comes alive with lice. the pans dried up so tight with hardened beans. we're hungry. so i lean on you sometimes just to see your still there. your feet can't take the weight of one, much less two. we hit concrete. how where we born into this mess? i know i painted you a prettier picture baby. we were run out on a rail. fell from the wagon to the night train. i kissed the bottle. i should have been kissing you. you wake up to an empty night with tears for two. cigarettes they fill the gapsin our empty days, in our broken teeth. we're jonesing. say mister can you spare a dime? some change could make a change. could buy some time, some freedom or an ear to hear my story. its all i've got. my fiction beats the hell out of my truth. a palm upturned burnt blue. don't call it sunburn. you've been shaking on the job. just one drink ahead of your past. there's a white light coming up. you draw the blinds an hope it'll pass......."
any way...
it made me think of you...and all the progress you are making...
and it took me back to the road...as is often so nice...
all my love and support as ever....
mark
liquid29:
Mr. Show.
Rule.
Good luck with the fasting...I remain ever dedicated to a nice little percentage of food that cannot possibly be any good for you.
I will yet prove you can have it and live forever....
Rule.
Good luck with the fasting...I remain ever dedicated to a nice little percentage of food that cannot possibly be any good for you.
I will yet prove you can have it and live forever....
A better world is possible. This is becoming my mantra.
There is so much clarity in healing. And sitting under a needle for four hours.
"This is therapy you're my therapist," I told my tattoo artist today. "I want to feel this every day."
This feels like a deep tissue massage from the Keebler elves.
It's like one hundred butterflies flutering simultaneously against my skin....
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There is so much clarity in healing. And sitting under a needle for four hours.
"This is therapy you're my therapist," I told my tattoo artist today. "I want to feel this every day."
This feels like a deep tissue massage from the Keebler elves.
It's like one hundred butterflies flutering simultaneously against my skin....
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
zona:
i dont think that i'll be able to make it to d.c. since i am starting school on sept 30th. are you going? id love to visit there one day. is that where you're at? btw, hot profile picture!
bailey:
i think i have the same unders as the ones yo are wearing in your photo. i like calling em unders. i dont know why.
make your way to boston and we can eat cookies and prance around in our unders, talking talking talking.
make your way to boston and we can eat cookies and prance around in our unders, talking talking talking.
I sat outside in the rain at 4 this morning. Watched the storm roll in. Felt it break over my face and arms.
Mmmmm...that was the best suggestion I've followed in ages.
Mmmmm...that was the best suggestion I've followed in ages.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
apathy_activist:
A good rain can be one of the most theraputic things. I don't know anything about the science of it, but with the right weather there's electricity in the air. It's the same thing that drives the animals and insects to shelter. But for us, it's probably best if you just go and run in it.
A good thunder rain can make my skin hum.
A good thunder rain can make my skin hum.
martyr13:
*blush*
as i do so often...
sometime i am the bringer of the worst ideas in history...
but every here and the...i may have a good one or two...
i cannot give out the words to express exactly what my thoughts are at the moment...
but i am wasted and they would probably be in poor taste,........
but you rock it really hard.....
and thats all i'll say about that..
peace lady...
as i do so often...
sometime i am the bringer of the worst ideas in history...
but every here and the...i may have a good one or two...
i cannot give out the words to express exactly what my thoughts are at the moment...
but i am wasted and they would probably be in poor taste,........
but you rock it really hard.....
and thats all i'll say about that..
peace lady...
I just erased my long-winded journal entry about exchanging my delicious, comfortable bed for my scratchy sleeping bag and train filth and the ocassional living room floor, for an exciting change of pace. I said something about my mattress being like a pair of enormous breasts that I snuggle up to again and again and again. Mmmmmmm...
Anyway, I'm looking forward to put my theories...
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Anyway, I'm looking forward to put my theories...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
joyrider:
you've got space on a futon in portland. you know that though.
stewd:
And of course, if small towns of Eastern CT happen to be along the way, look me up! And don't forget I'm only a few short hours from NYC...
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martyr13:
cheer up lady....
enjoy the fruit tattoo
enjoy the fruit tattoo
liquid29:
Well...I wasn't going to post anything, because I figured jumping in without you knowing me first would be maybe worthless, but I could never stand by and see a girl in pain and not act...
I don't know. The road you're on now is one very close to one I've walked too many times. I've had many people leave on me, and all of them have taken a piece of me with them. It hurts, it hurts a long time, and there's no easy answer, no easy way. to how to cope with it. I've been lucky, my art has given me the escape.
Often it's simply others who help. You clearly have people here who will listen and who will give what help they can. Take advantage of it, the strength of others is no small resource...and right now you need all you can get.
Each person who reaches out, that's a hand you can hold and know that for that moment, that person is willing to share your pain as much as they can. They can't take it away, but they will let you know you're not alone in it...grab onto those hands, dear, they will keep you from sinking...
I don't know. The road you're on now is one very close to one I've walked too many times. I've had many people leave on me, and all of them have taken a piece of me with them. It hurts, it hurts a long time, and there's no easy answer, no easy way. to how to cope with it. I've been lucky, my art has given me the escape.
Often it's simply others who help. You clearly have people here who will listen and who will give what help they can. Take advantage of it, the strength of others is no small resource...and right now you need all you can get.
Each person who reaches out, that's a hand you can hold and know that for that moment, that person is willing to share your pain as much as they can. They can't take it away, but they will let you know you're not alone in it...grab onto those hands, dear, they will keep you from sinking...
I made my mother cry.
It was such a stupid thing. She was bothering me so much.
She wanted to know if it would be physically possible to send an email to Hawaii. She wanted to know how it would get there.
My sister was smacking me under the table, warning me. She knows how I am.
"Are you kidding me?" That's all I said....
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It was such a stupid thing. She was bothering me so much.
She wanted to know if it would be physically possible to send an email to Hawaii. She wanted to know how it would get there.
My sister was smacking me under the table, warning me. She knows how I am.
"Are you kidding me?" That's all I said....
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
london:
That last paragraph reminds me of the things I used to say to my mom.
joyrider:
i say horrible shit to my mom sometimes. i was much worse when i was younger. i have a great capacity to hurt people with words. i don't like it.
Maybe this is some elaborate scheme he cooked up to get the creditors off his back.
Maybe he's getting me back for the time I showed up two hours late for a date and told him a crazy, far-fetched story about a psychopathic would-be attacker that ended with me going, "wah wah wah I'll be here all week, folks." He said he was going to...
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Maybe he's getting me back for the time I showed up two hours late for a date and told him a crazy, far-fetched story about a psychopathic would-be attacker that ended with me going, "wah wah wah I'll be here all week, folks." He said he was going to...
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VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
jarelshow:
everyone likes,....no, loves you. hang in there. dance. sing. cry. anything. just keep going. or don't, it's really up to you. but I would like you to stay in movement......... please. with love.
girlblue:
I still think that my ex planted his identification on some bum and pushed him in front of the train just so he could easily disappear. Sometimes I dream of him knocking on my front door telling me he's not really dead, and to not to tell anyone else. Now it's three years later and sometimes I turn behind me and look around as I walk through my front door because I swear I can feel his eyes on me.
I dreamt I swallowed three muscle relaxers. I needed to get home to watch my baby sister. She might die without me. She was just a baby, but she smoked, and I had to make sure she didn't get into any cigarettes.
It was a long walk home, and the pills were potent. I couldn't stand up. I was on my knees, dragging myself along...
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It was a long walk home, and the pills were potent. I couldn't stand up. I was on my knees, dragging myself along...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
martyr13:
depends.....
if it was you....
it'd need to be alot of rope....
tee hee..
jk
perk up you...
if it was you....
it'd need to be alot of rope....
tee hee..
jk
perk up you...
considerately:
suppose.. i'm not afraid. just responsible.
i take it you went to high school in indiana? (if i remember right)
thanks for stopping by.
your journal entry is so resounding in my heart.
lots of love, strength, and courage to you.
xoxo