jbusy

I am undeniably miserable.
All I do is read and sit at my breakfast table, stare out the window and watch trains go by.
I thought it was just because I was bored and there's no other furniture in my house.
Nope.
I'm miserable.

There it is again.
That overwhelming feeling of fear and guilt.
It took three years to get me here so I can only imagine it'll take at least that long to recover. Like slowly counting backwards from one million. A few deep breaths between every number, every moment, every day.
Diving too deep for my own good to find the truth.
No life guard on...
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I made out in a car with a boy I've known since I was 13 last night. I made sure all hands stayed over the clothes and just as it started to get really steamy I climbed off of him and took him home. I'm experimenting. I always put out so I'm going to do the opposite for as long as possible and see how...
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I send my exboyfriend toooooooo many dirty pictures.
But I wouldn't if he didn't ask.
He's hot.
and I miss him a lot. =/

I went camping on an island. It was fantastic. Lived in my bathingsuit for two days. Not that I don't do that almost everyday anyway, but lived in my bathingsuit on the beach for two days. Woke up to the waves crashing two feet away from my tent and the sun reflecting off the water and shining through the little mesh window. It was wonderful....
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Had a panic attack and fainted last night.
Fell face first into the street and evidently almost got hit by a car.
I was out cold so I don't recall that part.
Spent the rest of the evening puking and crying.
I think I may have a concussion.
I am not handling this break up as well as I expected to.
Thank God for girlfriends...
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Shit is oh so good 90% of the time, now.
The other 10% of the time, I just drink the bad away.
So really, shit is just plain fabtastic. Even if a small percentage is just a drunken facade, at least I'm drunk and smilin'.
Being as tan as I am doesn't hurt either.
Lookin' good and feelin' good.
Jose and I make a wonderful...
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Got dumped.
He's got a new lady.
He's happy, though and we're still friends.
Place to live in Nashville fell through.
I'm in Gainesville, Florida right now at my Moms.
Moving back in with my Dad in West Palm Beach.
Shit keeps going 'round in circles.
It's making my head spin.

I just got fired/quit for starting a fight with my boss this morning. I told him I was having a personal conflict dealing with the fact that my only job is to make him money. Then we started arguing and then I told him I deserved more money and I wanted benefits and he told me to leave if I didn't like the way he...
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I am not good at keeping up with this shit. Got another shitty ass coffee serving job. Greeeaaat. I'm already so bored with my life. I'm only 20. Jesus. I should be on a beach somewhere, sitting in a hammock, eating bananas in the sun all day. I don't want to work. Especially not 40 hours a week just to afford some shitty ass apartment...
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