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This man and I met in a bar. We were making intense eye contact and he sneezed. I went over to him and offered my armani handkerchief. We struck up the most obscene, lewd conversation two people have ever had. It was so raunchy people around us were throwing up a little in their mouths. It was like love at first site. This is when I hated to break it to him, I had a love. As he was about to ask me if he could buy me another drink my love rolled up in his wheelchair. It was the angry ape, Jay's arch nemesis. This is when he took the drink he bought me, set it on fire, and threw it in my face. I left my one legged lover the next day and ran to Jay's arms. To this day, he still pokes at the burn scars on my face as a way to say "I've loved you since the first time we met."