gingerbread

i interviewed for the job of my fucking dreams. i lamented that i would never get it. i cried and wailed. somehow, i got called back. to do a drug test. i was stoned when i answered the phone.

why? because i am the stupidest person on the planet. here's to my retardation! i hate when i get what's coming to me.

does it make me lame to not really like new years? seattle is cold and i don't know anyone here any more. i am full of hope for the new year, but it all seems insurmountable. also i forgot how to be snobby. better start pretending i don't like kanye west. for some reason i suddenly really love kanye west. goddamnit.

edited to add: i...
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the word on my epic cross-n.w. move: at t-minus (what does that mean?) 24 hours till i have to be packed, my toe has been broken and turned purple , and a large portion of my ceiling just fell in. that's right, giant hunks of plaster all over my bed, and a heavy, heavy coating of dirt, dust and debris on and in everything in...
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today is a very different sort of day than it has been. fall has been mild, but i woke up today with an almost christmas-y feeling. the curtains had been left open and at noon it was dark and very rainy here in portland. i felt really grateful to be snuggled under quilts with a big, warm softie boyfriend. today is my only day off...
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you can all do what you want, but when i see local girls posting blog entries at 10 pm, november 4, 2008 about their make-up, clothes and member review sets, it really takes a little bite out of that hope feeling i have. change can't happen when you are too stupid to see outside yrself and yr petty bullshit. we are all guilty of that,...
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i just dropped my phone in the toilet. with poop. so it will be funny to take it into the sprint store.

i keep putting off everything in my life until the sunny days start. i keep half-assing it, committing to chores and then fretting that it will be the last nice one. time to commit to poor time management!

i don't want it to end!

should i stay in portland or move to seattle? no decisions until fall.

i walk into the coffee shop, no ones in line, and there are three people behind the counter. and no one says anything to me. for like five minutes.
that's all. i've worked so many fucking service jobs, and i guess i just expect better than what i give. and i'm fucking lazy. but christ.
i feel old.

also my boyfriend moved in, and when...
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