My fantasy is to move somewhere other than here. It used to be an island, like somewhere off Thailand or the Phillipines. Lately I consider a place like Portland. Not for any particular reason other than it is much colder and darker than where it is here which seems like a nice change of pace.
I'll live in a studio, or a cabin... a large house in the middle of nowhere.
I'll eat cheese and drink wine.
I'll start new interests which will take my ample free time.
It will be existential... and tranquil.
Prospects of new life would come sprouting through moldy welcome mat.
The weekly window of day to day adventures and experiences will come back -- the carefree, bohemian nostolgia revival.
The new ideal life. It is fresh and appealing.
And I've even done it before. Lived in a foreign country. Those were days of utter heart break and complete living. The days of sensory overload learning, free and alone.
"No matter where you go, there you are"
I was miserable at times yes, but I always had the distinct feeling of a keen aliveness, a freedom.
These days with the drain and burden -- it's hard to bear.
I sometimes consider loss materialistically and gain spiritually, view the aspect of having versus the aspect of living.
I apologize for not sharing that much but all I can say is that I'm burdened in an emotional way, alongside looming legal and financial considerations.
Here's where I would like to elaborate on a few amazing drug experiences, a handful of enriching travel expeditions, and the few relations that defined and brought me up in this life.
But then again... I won't even try. Why bother?
All I know is what it seems like what I want is freedom and a new life -- an escape.
And the other mind of mine, thinks "wait a minute... what is right? what is real?".
There is that strange moment when as an adolescent you remember feeling the dull imprisonment that adulthood implied, and you are living it 15 years later.
So anyway....
I'm chewing on that cud for a while.
It's late at night.
Diet coke and scotch
this is my outlet
I'll live in a studio, or a cabin... a large house in the middle of nowhere.
I'll eat cheese and drink wine.
I'll start new interests which will take my ample free time.
It will be existential... and tranquil.
Prospects of new life would come sprouting through moldy welcome mat.
The weekly window of day to day adventures and experiences will come back -- the carefree, bohemian nostolgia revival.
The new ideal life. It is fresh and appealing.
And I've even done it before. Lived in a foreign country. Those were days of utter heart break and complete living. The days of sensory overload learning, free and alone.
"No matter where you go, there you are"
I was miserable at times yes, but I always had the distinct feeling of a keen aliveness, a freedom.
These days with the drain and burden -- it's hard to bear.
I sometimes consider loss materialistically and gain spiritually, view the aspect of having versus the aspect of living.
I apologize for not sharing that much but all I can say is that I'm burdened in an emotional way, alongside looming legal and financial considerations.
Here's where I would like to elaborate on a few amazing drug experiences, a handful of enriching travel expeditions, and the few relations that defined and brought me up in this life.
But then again... I won't even try. Why bother?
All I know is what it seems like what I want is freedom and a new life -- an escape.
And the other mind of mine, thinks "wait a minute... what is right? what is real?".
There is that strange moment when as an adolescent you remember feeling the dull imprisonment that adulthood implied, and you are living it 15 years later.
So anyway....
I'm chewing on that cud for a while.
It's late at night.
Diet coke and scotch
this is my outlet
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
i wrestled mortality/banality the other night. it was a draw, but the moment passed and it was over. it'll come again, and i'll deal with it again, and again it will pass.
perhaps it's time for you to move. portland gets the full endorsement. everyone should live there once.