eero

i will drink many beers tonight and tomorrow, because tomorrow is the last day for snowboarding 'round these parts.

40's of OE for hours after my last few hours on a board locally.

this is terrible.

i need to go party, but i can't get a damn ride...

don't cook naked. you could drop a hot pan and almost burn your gigantic penis off.


if it weren't for my cat-like reflexes i would be a sad, sad, enormous penis-less man right now.


now it's time to dim my sexy15 watt light bulbs and scuplt my pubic hair in the most sensual display of grooming anyone has ever seen...

i rarely do any drugs so i suppose the following might be excusable...


how could i mistake shrooms for acid?

and then he said, "yeah, but only if i was drunk" and i was all like, "fuck that i saw you doing it the other day for crackers"

and get this, he did it for saltines. saltines are gay. if crackers were people, saltines would be that weird guy that tried to fuck his cousin last summer in the bathroom at the pool. and all...
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jesus pete unicorns are sweet.

yes, i still have fantasies about being a unicorn.

yes, they still involve my murderous rampages as a beautiful single horned horse-creature that nobody would suspect of such heinous crimes.

no, i will not accept the notion that they are mythical creatures.

and yes i'm still hoping that someday my school will accept "unicorns" as a major.

i hate terry...
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i don't smoke cigarettes, but i fucking should.

1. i'm starting to spend all my money on necessities, and that's just bullshit. i mean, i could get food and pay my bills the old fashioned way...by murdering those who try to make me pay for stuff. all my hard earned money should definately go towards cigarettes from here on out.

2. i don't smell badly...
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so i was thinking about my ex-girlfriend the other day, when i came to the conclusion that weapons are pretty sweet.

hammers are excellent, but mostly for smashing mice, one by one, in a cardboard box.

swords are definately cool. vampires probably used swords when they existed before they were totally phased out by a whole different sort of evil: dentists.

but pirates used swords...
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5 surefire ways to get a chick to stop bothering you
-call the week of her period "blowjob week"

-make her buy you dinner, then give all the leftovers (including hers) to your roommate's dog

-turn off the alarm and forget to wake her when she needs to go to class

-get another chicks number in front of her

-tell her that you're not drunk...
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