Hey hey kids...

Ok so have been more than a little rubbish really,but work has been pretty manic lately and I have barely had time for anything.

I spent a long weekend in Belgium and France for a stag weekend/road trip. It was pretty excellent with mucho food and beer consumed. Parts are a complete blank which is unusual for me.

I actually managed to forget to take a camera, considering I own 5 I think thats actually quite an achievelment so yeah your gonna have to just google the places I went......

Started off for a night in Bruges, which is easily the prettiest town I have even been to. There's a really nice bar in theback streets with a lively atmosphere a plenty of different kinds of beer. Ended up back at the hotel somehow after a spot of 100m sprint races in the street. How, why and where this happened I have no idea!

Next it was on to Brussels for a couple of nights for the actualy stag do.....so basically drinking and eating

There's an awesome bar called "Delirium", check it out...now....go on...plenty of beers and about the best atmosphere I have come accross in a bar for years
Little bit of sightseeing, but I was there with the ex and nothing has changed...just more tourists I guess.

Finished the trip in Reims, the home of Champagne.... so spent the evening sipping back several bottles of champagne after a trip to the Mumm champagnery...learnt all about the wines and the process. Being a complete geek I found this mega interesting.

Then home...not that I wanted to come.

The whole trip was pretty much a big deal, the last two holidays depression crippled me and I nearly didn't come through, dark thoughts invading my fragile mind.

But this was a triumpth.

I have turned the corner, and I'm not scared of what is one the other side anymore.

But still I have to fight on, harder than ever.

Tomorrow I'm gonna try and get out with my camera so will grab some piccies for on here I hope.

Love, peace and happiness
Me
xxx

Hey hey Kids

So yeah I'm back..... not that anyone will remember, especially as I created a new account instead of just reactivating. I guess I wanted a fresh start..... didn't want to read through all the crap of the past 4 years and bring myself further down.

I'm stuck in a hotel room with work. I would take a photo, but sometimes the imagination is more powerful. I'm on the bed. A metre to the left is a wall, a metre to the right is a wall, a metre from the bottom is........ a wall. Yeah you pretty much get the idea, I can't think of a worse place to be.

I've had to work so hard this last week, my depression loves it.... I can throw myself into work without caring about me, distracting myself from all emotion and feeling. Trouble being when I have to face it, like this morning, I end up ten times worse..... avoiding going to bed, staying up and reading about the effects of inert gas on the brain.
I have suicidal thoughts. Deal with it. Please.. Cos I pretty much fucking can't. I just pretend they don't exist..... still in a perverse way I like that I'm in a bad place, in a hotel room on my own. I just keep telling myself to keep on keeping on,

I should be working, but I'm exhausted. Already worked a full day, plus my weekend, 11pm isn't the time to start..... apart from that little voice inside that tells me that it is.

So yeah this is what this is and always has been. Somewhere to vent, somewhere I have to be less worried about people reading my paper journal. Plus it has hot girls, which is never a bad thing.

Peace, love and melody
Me
xx