i guess it's been a while, out of the loop and out of touch...
i went back to california for thanksgiving, spending a week with my folks, listening to my mom cry, trying to talk to my dad through his alcohol fueled haze, hanging out with relatives and spending a lot of time with a girl i'd like to marry someday.
my dad was as true to form as he could be, drinking a six-pack to himself every night after work, i think just so he can sleep uninterrupted and forget about those who care about him the most. he's taken over my old basement bedroom, sounding like a fuckin' leaf blower. snoring through that big schnozz of his. every once in a while he'd mumble something about getting blamed, or go "yeah, yeah, uh-huh, whatever" and then roll on over back to sleep. looking at the timeline of my parents relationship i see my mom as constant and my dad as steadily getting worse. everyone is worried about him, but not enough to do something about it. i asked hime what was wrong, and he told me he honestly didn't know, that everyone think's he's keeping some big secret when he really doesn't know himself... he realizes that his drinking has become a problem, and he understands that he is slowly going crazy and pushing everyone away, but when it comes down to it he really just doesn't give a fuck about it. i hid his gun after he talked about shooting himself, but i figure that if he really was going to do such a thing he would have done it a long time ago. he's talking about taking off and never coming back... asshole. after bitching at my heels to get his tattoo finished, he has yet to even approach anyone about getting it done, and i'm thinking he's gonna back out all together.
my mom tries to be happy despite all of the shit she puts up with, but it's really second nature to her at this point. she'll tell my dad to give her a kiss goodbye, even though he doesn't love her anymore, and all it does is make everyone all the more depressed, him included. she breaks down when she thinks no-one is paying attention, and after listening to her sob for an hour i asked her why she put up with it all... she didn't know either. i think the reason is that she really doesn't know anything better, that she's put up with so much for so long that it's all she can do. i wish i could help her but i just don't know how.
i spent some time with my cousin from back east... he went from making around $40,000 a month doing "collections" to having to do manual labor as a result of a "misunderstanding." basically, he owed some people a lot of money, and as soon as he paid them off he took off to get away from the whole scene. he has never had a legitimate job his whole life, and is real grateful for the chance given to him by my parents to start over. he's only been living with my parents for a month or two but he's already got them all figured out. in that time he's been punched and kicked in the nuts by my dad, who also bit him on the hand... my dad's a rough-ass dirty fighter. my cousin taught me how to play texas hold 'em, and i taught him how to hit a chillum.
this girl i know, i've talked about her before... her mom is one of my mom's best friends, and the both of them have been there for my mom when she needed them most. naturally, this makes her already attractive, but after being around her and hanging out with her almost everyday, i'm feeling stunned, wishing i didn't live so far away. i can't believe that i know someone as intelligent and stylish and good-looking as her, and i really don't want to fuck anything up... it's been a long time since i spent more than 20 minutes with someone of the opposite sex that i didn't find anything inherrently wrong with (not that i am overly picky or judgmental)... i usually describe most of the girls i go out with as "my future ex-wife," and this is the first one ever that i've omitted the "ex-" from.
i got back to work to find a fucked-up pile of papers on my desk, and now all my deadlines are approaching faster than ever. it's hard to forget about things, to remember what i am supposed to be doing with so much on my mind.
-bobby
i went back to california for thanksgiving, spending a week with my folks, listening to my mom cry, trying to talk to my dad through his alcohol fueled haze, hanging out with relatives and spending a lot of time with a girl i'd like to marry someday.
my dad was as true to form as he could be, drinking a six-pack to himself every night after work, i think just so he can sleep uninterrupted and forget about those who care about him the most. he's taken over my old basement bedroom, sounding like a fuckin' leaf blower. snoring through that big schnozz of his. every once in a while he'd mumble something about getting blamed, or go "yeah, yeah, uh-huh, whatever" and then roll on over back to sleep. looking at the timeline of my parents relationship i see my mom as constant and my dad as steadily getting worse. everyone is worried about him, but not enough to do something about it. i asked hime what was wrong, and he told me he honestly didn't know, that everyone think's he's keeping some big secret when he really doesn't know himself... he realizes that his drinking has become a problem, and he understands that he is slowly going crazy and pushing everyone away, but when it comes down to it he really just doesn't give a fuck about it. i hid his gun after he talked about shooting himself, but i figure that if he really was going to do such a thing he would have done it a long time ago. he's talking about taking off and never coming back... asshole. after bitching at my heels to get his tattoo finished, he has yet to even approach anyone about getting it done, and i'm thinking he's gonna back out all together.
my mom tries to be happy despite all of the shit she puts up with, but it's really second nature to her at this point. she'll tell my dad to give her a kiss goodbye, even though he doesn't love her anymore, and all it does is make everyone all the more depressed, him included. she breaks down when she thinks no-one is paying attention, and after listening to her sob for an hour i asked her why she put up with it all... she didn't know either. i think the reason is that she really doesn't know anything better, that she's put up with so much for so long that it's all she can do. i wish i could help her but i just don't know how.
i spent some time with my cousin from back east... he went from making around $40,000 a month doing "collections" to having to do manual labor as a result of a "misunderstanding." basically, he owed some people a lot of money, and as soon as he paid them off he took off to get away from the whole scene. he has never had a legitimate job his whole life, and is real grateful for the chance given to him by my parents to start over. he's only been living with my parents for a month or two but he's already got them all figured out. in that time he's been punched and kicked in the nuts by my dad, who also bit him on the hand... my dad's a rough-ass dirty fighter. my cousin taught me how to play texas hold 'em, and i taught him how to hit a chillum.
this girl i know, i've talked about her before... her mom is one of my mom's best friends, and the both of them have been there for my mom when she needed them most. naturally, this makes her already attractive, but after being around her and hanging out with her almost everyday, i'm feeling stunned, wishing i didn't live so far away. i can't believe that i know someone as intelligent and stylish and good-looking as her, and i really don't want to fuck anything up... it's been a long time since i spent more than 20 minutes with someone of the opposite sex that i didn't find anything inherrently wrong with (not that i am overly picky or judgmental)... i usually describe most of the girls i go out with as "my future ex-wife," and this is the first one ever that i've omitted the "ex-" from.
i got back to work to find a fucked-up pile of papers on my desk, and now all my deadlines are approaching faster than ever. it's hard to forget about things, to remember what i am supposed to be doing with so much on my mind.
-bobby
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Don't worry, Bobby, I know what's stopping you. At least, inasmuch as I can know anything about you, I know. That means I think I know, and will stand by my opinion until proven wrong.
In other news, my dad came into town from out of town (funny how that works, eh?), so almost the same thing. There's not a lot of drinking (though his breath does always smell slightly of some alcoholic beverage or another), but there's a lot of lying and a lot of narcissism; he has to amuse everyone he meets with his charm and wit, and at the same time tell us all about how much he misses what he's left behind. Fucker.
So, chin-up and cheerio, old boy. It'll all be better in the morning, they say.