buddhak

I'm pretty sure it's safe to write whatever I feel here, because I know no one will ever read it, so here goes: I don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying and struggling, and following what I thought was the path I was meant to follow, and all it's gotten me is stuck. It's been a year now that I've been trying to find an agent (for doing voice over work) out here in LALA-land, and the closest I've come is an agent I've read for twice and both times I've been told that I'm free to try back with them later (this time, they said in a year). I'm certain now that my hopes of ever having a decent life (one where I'm not having to struggle to make ends meet financially while living in a converted garage because it's the cheapest rent my wife and I can find) are completely shot. I don't have the experience for anything other than a low-paying service industry job (yay, I get to try to get hired at Starbucks again after I quite a year ago), and I guess I just don't have the talent for any creative kind of job. My wife is currently going to culinary school (which is going to result in $40k debt as soon as she's finished) and that's not likely to land her a well paying job either (especially in light of the fact that 4 hours of class wipes her out physically). I am the definition of a total and coplete loser. The only reason I keep hanging on is my wife. She's the only thing that is going right in my life, but I'm worried because I feel like I'm going to drag her down with me into the morass of shitty luck and failure that is me. To top it all off I can't even do something to drown my sorrows because it would make me feel guilty to get drunk and I may need to pass a drug test to gain employment. Oh and let's not forget the fact that I qualify as morbidly obese and (living in America like I do) I can't even afford health insurance, let alone health care. Well, I guess that's enough whining and complaining for one giant block of text, so I'll finish this out by saying thank you suicidegirls.com for being the kind of place where I have no friends and no one will care that I write this out, so I can go on pretending to be strong and keep up the facade that I'm doing just fine.