Because someone decided that we need a day to discuss men's issues I thought I would do just that. Specifically, the reason I completely reject the term "man" as applied to myself.
It started as I was growing up. I was always a pretty scrawny kid, tipping the scales some 10-20 pounds less than other boys I was in school with. For some reason this made me a target for bullies who wanted nothing more than someone they thought they could beat up. I got into a lot of fights in school, was suspended a couple of times and at one point suffered a broken collar bone. All because in pretty much every school I went to there was a bunch of boys who were determined to prove how tough they were to the whole world. I got so sick of the cycle of fighting some bully, beating him and then having to fight the nest dumb schlob with more muscles than sense that I because a pacifist. I never understood why they thought beating me up was somehow okay.
It wasn't until I entered the Navy and transferred to my first ship that I started to understand what all that meant. My first ship was an all-male crew and the things they said to one another about women... well let's just say If I added #MRA or #Gamergate you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Not only that but while the physical abuse had pretty much come to a stop the constant threat of violence and verbal abuse only escalated. And these were people who all insisted that they were "men." It was at this point that I first coined the term: "Men are pigs, that's why I'm not a man."
You see my parents separated when I was young and my dad moved in and out of the house quite a bit until they divorced so for the most part I was raised by my mother. It is because off her that I have grown to respect women as my equals so to be told otherwise AND be told that if I didn't think that way I was a "pussy," "little bitch," "Mama's boy," etc, etc was a culture shock the likes of which you wouldn't believe.
Fast forward to 2015 and not a lot has changed. Well for me it has but in terms of masculine culture in general not so much. "Men" seem to think that might makes right and that they can abuse anyone they want simply because they have "the biggest balls." For males like me who don't buy into that this culture can be very exclusionary. Males like me don't care about having the largest testicles, fucking the most women. We don't have to always be the ones in charge, we're happy to play the support role. We love romance and intimacy and spending time with our lovers even if it means watching "chick flicks."
There's two issues that have really come to light in my 39 years on this Earth. One: "Men" have to ALWAYS be manly. Two: Violence is always perfectly okay. I stopped playing football when I was a kid because I kept playing with other boys who were always trying to hurt me. They would tell me that "The game ins't fun unless someone gets hurt." I've gotten into I don't know how many arguments that ended with a statement like: "How about you just shut up before I kick your fucking ass?" The sports in this country that are considered the most "manly" are sports like hunting, football, auto racing, boxing, MMA, cross country survival courses, etc, etc. There's certainly nothing wrong with enjoying these things but there is something wrong with telling a fellow male that doesn't: "Go play girly games you whiny little bitch." And don't even get me started on how gays, transsexuals and cross dressers are treated. I could write a whole blog on just that topic alone. (and have)
The pressure on men to conform to an exacting standard is tremendous and the fact that violent action can be the result of non-conformity is just plain unacceptable. Men are a spectrum ranging from ultra masculine to effeminate and everything in between. We like Die Hard, Steel Magnolias, NASCAR, Rachael Ray pretty much everything out there that there is to like we like. We shouldn't have to feel pressured to only like certain things because it degrades who we are as a person. Its okay for men to wear a dress, work on muscle cars (work on muscle cars in a dress?) and watch football while sewing. We need to be who we really are and not be forced to conform to YOUR standard just because that's what YOU like to do.
And if you're still confused about why being treated like something you're not is bad, just ask any woman how it feels. I'm sure she can explain it a lot better than I can.