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borticus

Seattle, WA

Member Since 2004

Followers 1 Following 1

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Monday Dec 06, 2004

Dec 6, 2004
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Dear Michelle,

I've always tried my best to live up to certain principles that I hold as important - honesty, integrity, and courage. While I consider myself generally a success in that matter, I've thus far managed to completely disregard these principles when in your presence - a fact I have meant to set right for a while now, but never managed to find the words, or the time, or the appropriate setting... truth is, I've been so crippled by a fear of rejection, that I've managed to convince myself repeatedly that it's just not worth it.

But it's always worth it to tell the truth, and to let someone you care about know exactly how much they mean to you. I'm sure you have already known - it's not like I've been intentionally hiding my feelings all this time... I've just managed to not tell you. And while I accept the fact that I've very possibly been blatantly obvious, I can't trust in that enough to leave without knowing beyond a doubt, that you really know.

I still remember the day we met - a gathering of new hires, in an industry none of us knew anything about, afraid that someone was going to catch wise to our little charade any minute and show us the door. I saw you for the first time, outside that conference room, standing slightly away from the other people waiting. Something about the way you carried yourself, the way your eyes seem to examine every detail of what they see, and see right into you. And then you sat next to me, totally by chance. You caught me in those moments, without saying a word.

I'm afraid I could fill volumes with such tiny moments, if I tried. You never showed me anything but honesty and intelligence. But those qualities, coupled with your unique blend of elegance and tenacity, pull me back under your spell every time we speak.

So, we spoke a few days back about regrets. I told you I had them, but I didn't tell you what they are. I regret that I never had the strength to tell you the truth of my heart, and I regret that I was so afraid to lose what little we shared - those tiny moments - that I never took the risks I should have. Such risks are always worth it, when the potential is so spectacular. I see that now, and really understand. And I regret that it took me so long.

This last gift I can give you, is all I have - my voice, my song, and words that more fluidly express the inspiration you have been to me, and promise to remain. I leave the biggest piece of my heart, here in Dallas, by my own faults.

But, often times regrets are only a way of expressing your wishes, and dreams. Though it's taken me until the last moments to try and overcome my failings, and express the emotions I've selfishly kept in the dark, I hope, wish, and dream that I've at least left you something to remember me by. That those tiny moments can be held dear by more than just myself.

I love you, Michelle.

-Yours-

Jeremy

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