I'm bored. So I think I will eradicate this horrid boredom by listing some of the crazy shit I've done while drunk. Feel honored.
Things I've swallowed: cockroach, razor blade (drug/box cutter style), earthworm, my former next door neighbor's guppy and goldfish (she was a bitch and never cleaned their fish bowl, they are in a better place now), a double shot of golden grain, a 16oz cup of vodka, and a cigarette butt.
Things/people I've pissed on: Knifefight (the first time I pissed all over him and the interior of his car, the second I dumped a cup of urine on a kid sleeping in his bed, the kid rolled over and my piss soaked into his bed), my bitch neighbor's closet full of clothers, bed, pillow, and room in general, my own bed, twice (while passed out drunk), a few feet away from Flux (hopefully I splattered her in the process), all over this kid named Marcus (I was pissing off the deck and he just happend to be standing below), Raquel's roommate's bed, shower, shaving razor, hand soap, and into her bodywash, the lit cigarette of my friend's downstairs neighbor (I was pissing off the deck and they were holding their cigarette over the railing of their deck), probably some more stuff I can't remember.
The more serious injuries I've received while drunk: chipped both shin bones in deckwreck's parents pool (was doing a handstand, came down and bashed them on the ledge, turned the pool red with blood.), chipped the bone in my big toe when I kicked one of the stairs leading up to my neighborhood pool on accident, the down to the bone deep cut knifefight gave me on my thumb for our no drinking blood pact, the gash on my forehead I received from stumbling into my room (I slipped on a glass on the floor, flew foward and bashed my head on my calc book, which knocked me out. I woke up a few hours later, two feet from my bed covered in vomit. I didn't know about the cut until I walked out of my room the next morning, and my roommate said, while laughing hysterically, to go look in the mirror. My hair was sticking straight up from crusted blood.) , the black eye Knifefight gave me while boxing, the most evil looking bruises ever that Ronnie gave me (my arm actually swelled up), my bruised kidneys that made me piss blood (Knifefight kicked me in the kidneys repeatedly).
Random crazy shit I've done: slept with this nasty white trash whore who I'd been making fun of ALL night simply because deckwreck said it would make a good story (I continued to make fun of her as I was fooling around with her), ran around my apartment complex in the leopard suit keying random people's cars, knocked on my neighbor's (who I had never met) at four o'clock in the morning (I was in the leopard suit, apparently I did a little jig, then ran away), hit one of my best friends in the back of the head with a frying pan for the sake of a game and entertainment, dropped two girls to the floor that INSISTED upon boxing me in the hulk gloves, stolen a minora (sp? jewish candle holder thingy) from one of deckwreck and knifefight's friends apartments, tried to prick my finger so the pirannas in a fish tank would bite my finger, hit a kid with a car (he deserved it), called Ronnie's ex-girlfriend a dirty filthy fucking whore, right in front of her new boyfriend, who is a black belt in a bunch of crazy martial arts (we got the fuck out of there real quick), left more mean drunken messages than I can remember (last one was to the girl that pissed all over Ronnie's bed, while farting all over the place. I left a message saying: Hey I'm going to the store, want me to pick you up some depends and beano?), and many more that I can't remember.
Conclusion: I'm a badass.
P.S. All of my friends feel free to add to this list. I have no shame and no regrets about anything I've done, especially while I was drunk.
Errrr this really has nothing to do with anything, but never buy Purple Haze beer.. it fucking blows. They should of left the Purple Haze all in my eyes, because it sure as hell doesn't belong in my mouth, much less my stomach.
Things I've swallowed: cockroach, razor blade (drug/box cutter style), earthworm, my former next door neighbor's guppy and goldfish (she was a bitch and never cleaned their fish bowl, they are in a better place now), a double shot of golden grain, a 16oz cup of vodka, and a cigarette butt.
Things/people I've pissed on: Knifefight (the first time I pissed all over him and the interior of his car, the second I dumped a cup of urine on a kid sleeping in his bed, the kid rolled over and my piss soaked into his bed), my bitch neighbor's closet full of clothers, bed, pillow, and room in general, my own bed, twice (while passed out drunk), a few feet away from Flux (hopefully I splattered her in the process), all over this kid named Marcus (I was pissing off the deck and he just happend to be standing below), Raquel's roommate's bed, shower, shaving razor, hand soap, and into her bodywash, the lit cigarette of my friend's downstairs neighbor (I was pissing off the deck and they were holding their cigarette over the railing of their deck), probably some more stuff I can't remember.
The more serious injuries I've received while drunk: chipped both shin bones in deckwreck's parents pool (was doing a handstand, came down and bashed them on the ledge, turned the pool red with blood.), chipped the bone in my big toe when I kicked one of the stairs leading up to my neighborhood pool on accident, the down to the bone deep cut knifefight gave me on my thumb for our no drinking blood pact, the gash on my forehead I received from stumbling into my room (I slipped on a glass on the floor, flew foward and bashed my head on my calc book, which knocked me out. I woke up a few hours later, two feet from my bed covered in vomit. I didn't know about the cut until I walked out of my room the next morning, and my roommate said, while laughing hysterically, to go look in the mirror. My hair was sticking straight up from crusted blood.) , the black eye Knifefight gave me while boxing, the most evil looking bruises ever that Ronnie gave me (my arm actually swelled up), my bruised kidneys that made me piss blood (Knifefight kicked me in the kidneys repeatedly).
Random crazy shit I've done: slept with this nasty white trash whore who I'd been making fun of ALL night simply because deckwreck said it would make a good story (I continued to make fun of her as I was fooling around with her), ran around my apartment complex in the leopard suit keying random people's cars, knocked on my neighbor's (who I had never met) at four o'clock in the morning (I was in the leopard suit, apparently I did a little jig, then ran away), hit one of my best friends in the back of the head with a frying pan for the sake of a game and entertainment, dropped two girls to the floor that INSISTED upon boxing me in the hulk gloves, stolen a minora (sp? jewish candle holder thingy) from one of deckwreck and knifefight's friends apartments, tried to prick my finger so the pirannas in a fish tank would bite my finger, hit a kid with a car (he deserved it), called Ronnie's ex-girlfriend a dirty filthy fucking whore, right in front of her new boyfriend, who is a black belt in a bunch of crazy martial arts (we got the fuck out of there real quick), left more mean drunken messages than I can remember (last one was to the girl that pissed all over Ronnie's bed, while farting all over the place. I left a message saying: Hey I'm going to the store, want me to pick you up some depends and beano?), and many more that I can't remember.
Conclusion: I'm a badass.
P.S. All of my friends feel free to add to this list. I have no shame and no regrets about anything I've done, especially while I was drunk.
Errrr this really has nothing to do with anything, but never buy Purple Haze beer.. it fucking blows. They should of left the Purple Haze all in my eyes, because it sure as hell doesn't belong in my mouth, much less my stomach.
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Man, we can't let him live this down ever.