Last night I had a dream that I won an enormous tub of wasabi from some sort of radio call-in competition - "100th caller wins a 10 liter tub of wasabi", that sort of thing.

Once I got the wasabi, I realised that I didn't have enough room for it in my flat, so I decided to sell it on ebay.

The buyer wanted to pick it up in person, so she came over to get it. "It's for my cat", she explained. "He loooves wasabi." She gave a curious little smile and said, "he's also named wasabi."

Instead of taking it home with her, though, she wanted me to mail it to her. It seemed like a ridiculous idea to me as she already had it in hand, but she insisted. She looked a bit like she might have the potential to be violently temperamental, so I decided not to chance it and we walked down to the post office and mailed it to her.

Insert default rambling, barely coherent, self-pitying, miserable blog post here. Repeat.

I've never felt so creatively uninspired in my entire life. I can't seem to lift a finger to work on anything. The thing is, though, that I don't know what to do otherwise.

I seem to vacillate between making tea, drinking it while checking my email, and laying down on my bed staring at the ceiling.

Blank. It's strange.

I was teaching last week, and I spent the night in a hotel because I had come a day early to sort out some things at the Uni studio.

There where about 200 or so seniors on a group holiday booked in to the hotel. In the morning, I woke and went to get my free breakfast, which was actually quite generous.

At one point, I looked up at the sea of seniors mulling about the hotel dining room. At that very moment, I realised that song "your sex is on fire" was playing very quietly through the sound system. It was a strange day.

Looking for something for the person who "has everything"?

Human Biological Fluids

Grim. Though I can produce some of that stuff myself, good to know if I can't get a student loan next year.....

Why is it that wherever I move I am surrounded by karaoke? My old flat mates would drunkenly wail to "Eternal Flame" every Monday night until 4 in the morning. Now, I've landed across from a gay bar that does karaoke every Friday night. OK, that's only twice, I can't claim it's the result of cosmic influence just yet. I do find it interesting that the dictionary entry for karaoke reads: "from Japanese. Literally 'empty orchestra'". Empty orchestra indeed.

I like cats.

Cats are nice.

They have claws.

They catch mice.

I like cats.

Cats are cool.

They like yarn.

I'm their fool.

But if you put them,

In the bath,

You'll feel their bite,

You'll feel their wrath.

Last night I dreamed that I lived somewhere in London in a really swank apartment that had a sort of canal in the courtyard- very pretty, the whole thing overlooked the Thames. It was at night, and the city was lit up.

I went to the aquarium shop because I decided that I needed a fish for my canal- I ended up with this really mean looking, large silver fish with big eyes and a kind of bottle shaped nose. "Be careful, he's a little aggressive." the guy at the shop told me.

I brought him home, dumped him in the water, and sure enough, he immediately started to swim around furiously...after a few seconds he jumped at lightning speed out of the water and bounced off my apartment window with resonant thud. I immediately thought, "Oh no, what have I got myself into?" The fish continued to swim back and forth at alarming speed.

A woman who was supposedly my girlfriend, a naked, rather large blonde woman, came home and greeted me with a kiss. "Did you get the fish?", she asked. "yeah", I said, "but I don't know about him- he seems a little intense." She looked over and caught a glimpse of the fish jumping out of the water and rapidly swimming away. "Huh", she said. "what do we feed him?"

I realized I hadn't thought about that. I shrugged and said, "I dunno? Bacon?" She suddenly became gleeful and exclaimed, "Yay! We'll call him Sir Francis Bacon!" She squealed, "Bacon for short!" She became deliriously giddy with excitement and started repeating, "BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON!" Right at the climax of her chant, seemingly out of nowhere, the fish leaped out of the water and struck her right in the forehead at full speed, knocking her flat on her back.

After a moment, we both started laughing hysterically, tears rolling down our faces.

The rest of the dream consisted of us walking around London, visiting random places- every once and a while she would shout, "BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON! BACON!", and the fish would fly from around a corner, out of a fountain, from out of a sewer drain, and smack someone full force upside the head, to our endless amusement.

I woke up laughing.