"Johnny Johnny once saved a truckload of kids from a horde of deranged criminals using nothing but a martini shaker and a bucket of ice.

Well ok, he warned some people and no kids were hurt.

Ok ok, I'm pretty sure there was a truck on the TV and someone said the word "kids" while Johnny Johnny was there.

We were really drunk at the time.

He totally would've saved them though. He's that awesome."

"He lets me pretend to fall down his staircase. Hence, I already love him."