i'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but this is sorta what happened to me

as i was with my ex longer and longer i started to see all the things i didn't like about her and what bothered me, but i still thought i loved her and all that and couldn't break out of it. even though i acknowledged what bothered me i just let it slide. after i eventually broke up with her i thought to myself "what the hell was i thinking. she's the anti-'my girl.'" i came to the realization that the reason i had put up with her and was drawn to her was because i was blinded by: 1) the open opportunity to feel love and recieve it which stood in front of me; and 2) a fear, of being alone again after such a period of companionship, calling it off-which was very difficult and painful to do and present, and hurting her feelings.

perhaps those are not the reasons in your case, but i just wanted to throw a couple ideas out from personal experience. i hope your situation is resolved soon and the ambiguity of it disappears.

i very much like that quote. i'm interpreting it as a subtle, seemingly-insignificant "hanging out" or friendly kick-back as being a stronger connection or form of love than the more obvious forms that even require an effort. the "more intimate" there is an eternal love that, symbolized by the star of infinity, i have tattooed on my back, it means so much to me. i'm glad you posted that quote. i may steal it because i love it so much.

cigarette

Familiarity I guess. I just had lunch with a girl who’s spent the past 3 years standing me up. It didn’t occur to me until just now that I could have said no to her.

Have fun out tonight.

Hey Doll, you want a serious answer you might not want to hear about the Greg situation? Hope your doin' good, Mo