This was my outlet. This is where it all came out right - or at least I led myself to believe. Every word, sentence and phrase. Nothing felt left out. Nothing here felt void of absaloute passion from the pits of my soul.
But I've found someone now who has unintentionally become my living journal.
Someone who really takes in EVERYTHING I say, and appreciates it all. Someone who enjoys the things that most people dislike about me - Someone unafraid to expose himself to things he once thought were unattainable and perhaps forbidden. Someone not afraid to take a risk of being vulnerable in front of me. Someone who TRULY, truly, appreciates my honest and straight-forward nature. Someone who doesn't take any emotion, thought, feeling, compliment, smile, or kind gesture that I give for granted. Someone who makes my insecurities feel like endowments in my life. Someone who makes me feel more like myself than I have ever felt before.
He is a poster boy for the definition of what I feel a "good" friend should be.
Sitting back and watching all these empty, thoughtless, SELFISH, ignorant, childish, close-minded drones that manifest themselves in his life is extremley difficult for me - but I have and will continue to do so, for the fact that not only do I have an extreme amount of respect, care and trust for this man, but for the fact that he has given up and let go of so much in order for our friendship to be as strong as it is right now. And I wouldn't give that up for any amount of money, bribe, or threat.
I don't even have to be his friend for months or years to notice (and support) the obvious change he is going through right now - Which I believe to be a good thing. That's what's unforunate. These people are so caught up in trivial matters that they forgot to stop and acknowledge the lives of those they supposidly consider to be their "family/best friends."
As I told Dace. I finally realize that love conquers all. All things in life that you think are soooo important (like what other people think about you, being one of MANY examples) to you, suddenly becomes trivial and meaningless when it comes to your love for another human being - that is if you actually truly love that person, in whatever form that may be. Love - Without superficiality.
Love is selfless. It cannot be tamed. It cannot be forbidden - at least to the people who feel it. It cannot be controlled. It cannot be told at what rate or speed it gets stronger. You can not speed it up. You can not slow it down. You can not choose the intensity of it.
I have a question: What if Sean died tomorrow? Would your feelings towards me matter then? No, of course not. Because he would be dead. Then all of a sudden, he's the center focus of your world. You would mourn, and probably go into denial, the usual human nature thing to do after a loved one dies. And I bet you would regret worrying about such petty bullshit, instead of calling him more and asking how he's doing. Or actually honestly meaning it when you say you are happy for him that he's met a girl he really likes, as opposed to just saying it so that you don't hurt his feelings. But why should it go that far (i.e. death) for a friend to realize and acknowledge on a daily basis what that person means to them, and realize that things they thought were important, really aren't?
I propose to those who are willing and open-minded enough, to make it a set goal everyday to think about those you love with no holding back. And everytime you feel hatred, or ill-feelings, to stop: reflect, and try and focus your negative energy into the thought of how you could be a better friend, or how appreciative you are to have someone (or more) in your life.
I vow to myself that anytime I feel negative or down, I will think about how Dace, Vanessa and Sean make an extremley positive influence on my life. How knowing they love me makes me smile and makes me want to better myself. How they make me feel that the world actually has some real people in it.
I know the saying, "Life's short" is extremley cheezy and cliche', but it really does apply, and is the epitome of the point I am trying to make here.
* * * * * * *
P.S. I just had my mother read this, and she really liked what it was about and how it was written - She said I should be a journalist. Do you all agree? I really love how my mother never questions my mind. She is so supportive of my thought process and intelligence and I never really knew that until recently. So thanks, mom! I love you to pieces. That goes without saying.
But I've found someone now who has unintentionally become my living journal.
Someone who really takes in EVERYTHING I say, and appreciates it all. Someone who enjoys the things that most people dislike about me - Someone unafraid to expose himself to things he once thought were unattainable and perhaps forbidden. Someone not afraid to take a risk of being vulnerable in front of me. Someone who TRULY, truly, appreciates my honest and straight-forward nature. Someone who doesn't take any emotion, thought, feeling, compliment, smile, or kind gesture that I give for granted. Someone who makes my insecurities feel like endowments in my life. Someone who makes me feel more like myself than I have ever felt before.
He is a poster boy for the definition of what I feel a "good" friend should be.
Sitting back and watching all these empty, thoughtless, SELFISH, ignorant, childish, close-minded drones that manifest themselves in his life is extremley difficult for me - but I have and will continue to do so, for the fact that not only do I have an extreme amount of respect, care and trust for this man, but for the fact that he has given up and let go of so much in order for our friendship to be as strong as it is right now. And I wouldn't give that up for any amount of money, bribe, or threat.
I don't even have to be his friend for months or years to notice (and support) the obvious change he is going through right now - Which I believe to be a good thing. That's what's unforunate. These people are so caught up in trivial matters that they forgot to stop and acknowledge the lives of those they supposidly consider to be their "family/best friends."
As I told Dace. I finally realize that love conquers all. All things in life that you think are soooo important (like what other people think about you, being one of MANY examples) to you, suddenly becomes trivial and meaningless when it comes to your love for another human being - that is if you actually truly love that person, in whatever form that may be. Love - Without superficiality.
Love is selfless. It cannot be tamed. It cannot be forbidden - at least to the people who feel it. It cannot be controlled. It cannot be told at what rate or speed it gets stronger. You can not speed it up. You can not slow it down. You can not choose the intensity of it.
I have a question: What if Sean died tomorrow? Would your feelings towards me matter then? No, of course not. Because he would be dead. Then all of a sudden, he's the center focus of your world. You would mourn, and probably go into denial, the usual human nature thing to do after a loved one dies. And I bet you would regret worrying about such petty bullshit, instead of calling him more and asking how he's doing. Or actually honestly meaning it when you say you are happy for him that he's met a girl he really likes, as opposed to just saying it so that you don't hurt his feelings. But why should it go that far (i.e. death) for a friend to realize and acknowledge on a daily basis what that person means to them, and realize that things they thought were important, really aren't?
I propose to those who are willing and open-minded enough, to make it a set goal everyday to think about those you love with no holding back. And everytime you feel hatred, or ill-feelings, to stop: reflect, and try and focus your negative energy into the thought of how you could be a better friend, or how appreciative you are to have someone (or more) in your life.
I vow to myself that anytime I feel negative or down, I will think about how Dace, Vanessa and Sean make an extremley positive influence on my life. How knowing they love me makes me smile and makes me want to better myself. How they make me feel that the world actually has some real people in it.
I know the saying, "Life's short" is extremley cheezy and cliche', but it really does apply, and is the epitome of the point I am trying to make here.
* * * * * * *
P.S. I just had my mother read this, and she really liked what it was about and how it was written - She said I should be a journalist. Do you all agree? I really love how my mother never questions my mind. She is so supportive of my thought process and intelligence and I never really knew that until recently. So thanks, mom! I love you to pieces. That goes without saying.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
Extremely thought provoking. You are so lucky to have wonderful, supportive people in your life like Sean (who is one of the most incredible people I've ever met), Dace (who AGAIN, is one of the most wonderful incredible people I've ever met), and your Mom (who I wish that I would have spent more time with because the few times I saw her she too.... was awesome). I think sometimes we all forget things like that... you do.. i do too. but it's people like this that MAKe life worth living.
We've been through alot, you know that just as much as I do. We've both been told to give up. But I'm not about to give up. With time things get easier... and some things have. Memories fade... and hopefully better ones will come. I do appreciate it so much... the things you ahve done for me. And as many times as i've wanted to kill you (not literally) there have been more where you've been there for me.. you've brightened my day... you were my shoulder to cry on... the voice of reason. I wish I had your lack of tact, your bluntness, your courage. I feel so lucky to even be mentioned in the same sentence with those boys.... but I do love you. I have never been able to offer you much, my situation has never allowed it... but I hope you know I'll always be there if you need to talk, need that shoulder to cry on, need someone to hold your hand, if you're in trouble, and just to drunk dial you and tell you how much I love you, or if you just want to say hi and tell me about something awesome that happened that day... anything I can give to you I would.