Why is it so easy for me to run away?
I make all these great plans for myself, and the only thing that has really ever held me back, is following through. And I take accountability for my actions.
I am back in Tucson. Sitting here contemplating my life and what I stand for. Who I am as a person and what type of profound affect (positive of course) I would like to make on people. The beginning of this journey, I've decided to make, is going to be very hard at first. I will be lonley, probably overwhelmed, and scared. Shit, I am already scared. I'm ready to run from this too.
The car ride back to Tucson with Dace was enjoyable. I've never been so sure of our friendship. I have never felt so blessed to have such a wise, honest and hiddenly caring person in my life. I have absaloutely no insecurities or fears with him, and tonight we realized that I have a LOT of trust in him. I never question things with him anymore. I just always know, even when he doesn't say so. I no longer need the constant re-assurance anymore. I am uncomfortable with the friendship he and Nicki have, but have decided to accept it because I know she can never take away, what he and I have as best friends. And I hope that she finds just as much greatness in him as I do and positively takes advantage of that.
I want to write a book, maybe I should.
For some reason right now, thinking about the outcome of the changes I want in my life, even though they are good, makes me want to break down and cry. I feel like I'm in this all alone, and I just want a big bear hug right now.
When I came home to my mother's house, she told me about this really awesome band she just recently got into and told me she bought their CD. I asked her who it was, and she told me Muse. Dude, my mom seriously gets cooler each passing day. And then when I had her listen to the H-I-M Razorblade Romance CD, she saw the cover and told me she almost bought that too. I love how my mother listens to the same music as I do (Deftones, Massive Attack, HIM, Muse, Evanesence) without my influence. She finds it on her own. She rocks!
Damn it. I edited and it delted half of my other journal entry. Bahhhh!
More pics in my photo albums. Go check them out!
I make all these great plans for myself, and the only thing that has really ever held me back, is following through. And I take accountability for my actions.
I am back in Tucson. Sitting here contemplating my life and what I stand for. Who I am as a person and what type of profound affect (positive of course) I would like to make on people. The beginning of this journey, I've decided to make, is going to be very hard at first. I will be lonley, probably overwhelmed, and scared. Shit, I am already scared. I'm ready to run from this too.
The car ride back to Tucson with Dace was enjoyable. I've never been so sure of our friendship. I have never felt so blessed to have such a wise, honest and hiddenly caring person in my life. I have absaloutely no insecurities or fears with him, and tonight we realized that I have a LOT of trust in him. I never question things with him anymore. I just always know, even when he doesn't say so. I no longer need the constant re-assurance anymore. I am uncomfortable with the friendship he and Nicki have, but have decided to accept it because I know she can never take away, what he and I have as best friends. And I hope that she finds just as much greatness in him as I do and positively takes advantage of that.
I want to write a book, maybe I should.
For some reason right now, thinking about the outcome of the changes I want in my life, even though they are good, makes me want to break down and cry. I feel like I'm in this all alone, and I just want a big bear hug right now.
When I came home to my mother's house, she told me about this really awesome band she just recently got into and told me she bought their CD. I asked her who it was, and she told me Muse. Dude, my mom seriously gets cooler each passing day. And then when I had her listen to the H-I-M Razorblade Romance CD, she saw the cover and told me she almost bought that too. I love how my mother listens to the same music as I do (Deftones, Massive Attack, HIM, Muse, Evanesence) without my influence. She finds it on her own. She rocks!
Damn it. I edited and it delted half of my other journal entry. Bahhhh!
More pics in my photo albums. Go check them out!
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Le heart duder.