I understand your helplessness
You stand shrouded in the shadow
Of a world bigger than you
Looking for anything to get you through

I am here to lie to you
I am here to break the fall
I live only to deny you
I am here to end it all

I'm possessed by hopelessness
Still you look to me for truth
But you can't even understand
The insignificance of you

I am here to lie to you
I am here to break the fall
I live only to deny you
I am here to end it all

System Syn - I Am Here

Isn't it slightly interesting the ties that one's mind makes to certain smells, sights, or other things? In this specific case that brings the thought, it's music. There are certain artists that I don't have 'free' memories of any longer, they are tied to someone. It's not that they are bad memories or anything, to be honest they are quite pleasant most of the time. But it's interesting. At least I think so. Part of me, being the geek that's currently working on designing DSHS' new payment system, is real curious of the layout of these associations... the ties and handshakes that connect everything. Where exactly does your brain store the memory of music? Where does it store the memory of that music, and the girl sitting next to you singing that song? I'm listening to Michael Jackson right now (say what you will, at least I can still admit the music is good), and the MJ portion of my brain is now tied to a particular girl. A very charming, pretty girl, but not one that I'm particularly emotionally tied to. Regardless of the I don't know, 20 years I had listened to MJ prior to meeting this girl, I now tie his music to her memory. When I think of 'The Way You Make me Feel' there's a greater chance I'm going to hear her singing than anyone else. There's the same sort of tie with Counting Crows and a different girl, Sevendust with another more recent.

Is it the new memory ensuring it's own immortality by clinging tenaciously to some well-laid thought pattern? Does my brain create a hierarchy, knowing that any memory of any girl is more important to me than the song which goes along with the scene? It's true. Am I just a modern American automaton that needs to develop it's own soundtrack?


I'm not sure I have a point. What do you think? These associations may just make this moment forever, and maybe our time is never truly wasted.

Maybe I'm the one that's fallen
For just this shadow, just this light
Falling, reaching for my moment
Leaving little darknesses behind
I've tasted poison in your tears
Even though you thought you knew so well
Maybe it's my fault for Falling
Maybe it's my fault for wanting Hell.

Oh my light.

This frail figure I leave behind
Perfect in body
But I am a flaw
I am an emotional mind
Leave me now
Because I won't know how
To turn away
To tear away
When I'm falling apart at the seams
Another emptiness
I'm one more hell to keep
Just one more crying prayer
Before you fall asleep

So... how pathetic can the world be? Pretty damn pathetic.

We moved, just recently. All in all it went pretty decent, but we had this one problem. We owned this old Toyota Dolphin Motorhome. The engine was in decent shape, but the actual cabin part was a fixer-upper. We decided we were going to sell it for a little bit... and then decided it wasn't worth it, and we were just going to sign over the title for free to whoever wanted it.

Backstory - 77 Toyota trucks (which the dolphin was built off of) have an engine that runs forever. The engine and tranny could easily be sold for about $1500 if you had the tools to take it out and sell it. It's something akin to the old Volkswagen engines... it's just one of those things that the right person can get a ton of money for, and it will run forever. We're not the right person, and we just wanted to get rid of the damn truck.

Someone stole it. Yes, that's right. They stole something we were giving away for free.

First thought - oh well, we don't have to deal with it anymore. Don't worry, I was wrong about that too. We still have the title. So, if someone steals the truck, strips out the engine, tranny, and whatever else they feel like taking from it... and then dumps it on the side of the road somewhere... guess whose fault it is? And guess who has to *pay* for it?

This is such bullshit. How can you actually be enough of a prick to steal something that was going to be free, just so you can fuck the owner over? Yeah, so there are probably other possibilities... but I don't know them. We'll see how it turns out.

Police are on their way.

Don't buy the new AFI cd. Just don't.

I liked the way my hand looked on your head
And the presence of my knuckles.
But the beauty of this vision alone
Just like yesterday's sunset
Has been perverted by the sentimental
And mistaken for love.



Live - Iris

This is a response sent to a handful of people who were reviewing a billing memo which was being sent. The response comes from a person in our publications section. I laughed so friggin hard when I read it... but I also learned something. And knowing is half the battle.

Thank you for your comment. I value all comments from the reviewers and appreciate their input. However, in this case, it is proper to leave it as is.

The short explanation is because "an" is proper grammar. If you want to read the long explanation, then see below!

Thanks for you comment!!

Yes, that is government-speak for 'fuck you'

Long Explanation

When you are dealing with an abbreviation, the choice of 'a' or 'an' will depend on whether you pronounce the expression letter by letter or as a word. Abbreviations pronounced letter by letter are called initialisms; abbreviations pronounced as words are called acronyms.

We are dealing with an initialism because HRSA is pronounced letter by letter (at the request of our Secretary). I'm sure there are some people that say, "Hersa," but that is not the accepted practice. Phonetically, the letter 'H' starts with the sound "a." Therefore, you would use "an" as the article. Similarly, FBI, HMO, and NBC are all initialisms. Phonetically, the first letter in each starts with a vowel sound, so you would use 'an.'

Conversely, CPA, BA, and PSAT are all initialisms, but their first letters do not phonetically begin with a vowel. So with these initialisms, you would use the 'a' article.

Hope this makes sense. Thanks!

Yeah, makes sense. Thank you for completely insulting someone's intelligence, telling them to fuck off, and teaching me something all at the same time. You are my new hero.

I'm starting to go crazy and I want to kick things! I can't find my Clann Zu cd and it's driving me bug-nuts! Grr!

I kind of go through phases where I *REALLY* want to listen to a CD. Usually, I find that cd, listen to it for a week, and it's out of my system for a bit. Well... I CAN'T FIND BLACK COATS & BANDAGES!!!

The case? Oh yes, I can find that. The CD? Fat fucking chance! Ugh. I've been jonesing for this thing for soooo long now, and the damn internet doesn't have it anywhere. Which I don't get, everyone should listen to that CD. It's one of the best ever. At least, in my humble little bastard opinion.

I may have to break down soon and buy a second copy. Which is sad all in itself.

*grumble*

Everyone should go look at the old Zelda easter set, because it's adorable and Zelda was very beautiful. We miss her and her cuteness very much!

-D

(and I miss Olivia too, but I heard she's coming back. I, however, don't think either of them miss me )