Here...but not really here.

Take that how you want.

Long time no SG. I have been gone FOREVER it seems. Sorry I haven't been around. My internet hasn't really been working at home and I don't have anywhere else to check it. I can check emails at work but that's pretty much it.

How are you people? What have I missed? Anyone do anything amazing the last month or anything? Good or bad?? I have lost touch.

Life's been busy lately. Work, home, bed…etc… Nothing exciting at all going on. I wish I had more to report. The kids are out of school for the summer and I have lost 10 lbs. Those are the most exciting things at the moment.

I have to try to catch up on blogs etc. I will try to after I post this. Hope you are ALL doing well my friends!!!

I thought of something I have been doing besides working and being the best Mommy and the awesomest girlfriend I have been Lego building. I built a couple awesome houses and the corner cafe. It's so much fun to play with those things. I even downloaded the program onto my desktop from the website and started designing the insides. Go me!!!

WOO HOO

It was NON cancerous!! Yay!!!! I am still sore but who the hell cares now!

I will be going in every 6 months for the rest of my life for check up's. I have some calcification deal that can lead to or is a pre cursor or something to do with breast cancer.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy!!

I feel better than I have felt in WEEKS!!

Happy Mother's Day to all you lovely Mommies out there!

Pics!! I am growing my bangs out and took some pics awhile ago and thought I would post them now, along with one of my lovely boo boo (you know, from my surgery). It looks so gross!!
Let me know what you think of the no bang thing. Most of the pics seem to be close ups of my eyes. I guess they are the part of me I like most. I could do without most of everything else.

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I have decided that sometimes it is a lot of fun to take pictures of yourself. For some reason if I am feeling crappy and I get myself all done up and can take some interesting pictures in the sunlight it makes me feel pretty. I don't so much feel pretty when I look in the mirror but sometimes I end up liking the pictures I take. Is that considered conceded? I hope not, cause I am far from it. Most of the time I look in the mirror or at pics and I want to cry. I guess I post the ones that make me feel far from that...with the exception of my boo boo. I wonder, do you other girls here feel that way? Even the boys...how about you?

Anyway...I hope you had a lovely weekend. It was a nice quiet one here. I went to Michaels with some Mother's Day money and got some new stamps to do cards and some more boxes. I will post some new stuff when I have a chance.

Thanks for stopping by and reading.



*The breeze coming through my window smells of fresh cut grass. Spring is here.*

The surgery went well today. I am a bit sore, and I was a bit traumatized but I am doing better now. I did a local instead of going under but I think it would have been better to be under in some ways but I feel better no having been. If that makes sense. The needle part of it wasn't bad at all. It was the incision and removing that sucked. I could smell the cauterizing going on AND I could FEEL it, and let me tell you, that fucking HURTS. They numbed me some more when I told them I could feel it. I saw the piece they removed from me and for some reason it was MUCH bigger than I had expected and so was the incision. I thought it would be a small opening with a sample taken about the size of a nickel. It was more like a fist full, and I saw it in the baggy. It was rather disgusting. I was worried earlier cause there seems to be a lot of bleeding but it's fine. I was probably moving around too much and or using my right arm too much. I had planned on going into to work the next couple days but I was advised to stay home and take it easy. That is what I am going to do. Thanks to all of you for your comments and your happy thoughts. I will have the results in the next 3-5 days. I will certainly let everyone know what is going on. I am off to read Bag of Bones and hopefully get a good nights sleep.

Enjoy the rest of the week!!

Hello everyone! Did you have a nice weekend? It rained here, but it was nice anyway. We just hung out and watched movies, and cleaned, the normal stuff. It was a bummer because I was supposed to go to the park today with two women from work and their kids. We are going to try again in a couple weeks. I am looking forward to it.

I am having my surgery on Wed. I have to be there early in the a.m. and should be out by noon or before. It is only supposed to take 3 hours total or less. We will be home before the kids. The results from what they find will be in 3-5 days after that. I wish it didn't take so long. I hate waiting, especially for this kind of news. Wish me luck!!!

I worked on some boxes over the weekend and I made a crown for someone I work with. We call her the office queen. Nothing else very exciting. Next weekend the kids will be gone. It is very strange not spending Mother's Day with them two years in a row. Last year I was visiting Jme and this year I am living here.

I wanted to attach pics from Shimmer's wedding but my computer is being lame. This is all I got for now. It's me and my man. I will get the others up, hopefully soon.

So, I am going to see my surgeon for a consultation tomorrow. I had thought by later last week that what I heard on Monday was a dream, that was until I got the letter from the doctor in the mail. Well, no such luck. I am feeling much better these days though. I am not sure how I will feel on Wed., even though it's just to chat and go over things it will bring the reality of the situation back. Hopefully all of this worry will be for nothing in the end. I am going to stay positive, or try to anyway. I promise to keep updating with more information as I get it. I don't want to leave all you lovely people who have sent me such good thoughts hanging. Thanks again for all that. Life is hectic now, but it should calm down. I hope anyway!

I had a FANTASTIC weekend! Friday I came home to a very clean house with the cutest man cooking me dinner. Not only did he do all that but he even brought me flowers. That's right. He rocks!! Saturday was our one year anniversary since we officially got together. It was really nice. We had a really nice breakfast, went out shopping, and then he took, me to dinner at this amazing Chinese restaurant. After dinner there was more shopping. We bought a TON of dvds this past week. A couple tv shows and the rest movies. He also got a few video games and I got a hanging basket. The kids came home on Sunday. It was really nice to see them. I missed them a lot. We had chocolate cake with Nick to celebrate his birthday. He was really happy with all his presents. He got a lot of Wizard and science stuff. He was really excited.

Work was busy today, as was yesterday but it was good. This guy I worked with pissed me off today…but he ended up in a yelling match with the boss so then I was happy. Ah the little things. It was COLD here today. Burr….like winter again. Geesh, where did Spring go??

How was your weekend? Plans for the week??

I took today off from work. I needed to have a day to be alone and just be. It was a good thing.

Thanks for the positive thoughts. Keep them coming. I wish they would just do the stupid surgery and get ti over with. I called the breast care center today but they haven't called back yet.
I just need to know what is next. You know? I hate this. My anxiety is going to peek if I am not careful.

Today was nice. I started making a wizard herbs box for Nick. Today is his birthday. The first one I haven't spent with him. I miss him. He is with his Dad. He is going to have a good time today though, so that is nice.
I went out to lunch with a friend. After lunch she took me to a green house so I could get some herbs and geraniums. I have been dying to get a window box going. I have bench to plant the geraniums in. It turns out I need another bag of soil and 2 more geranium plants. I hope I can get them soon. It makes me happy to plant and see the flowers. i cut some daffodils in the yard and made myself an arrangement with them. I cut some hyacinth too. They look SO pretty. Yellow and white daffodils along with the pink hyacinth. I put them in a teapot I have for a vase. SO CUTE!
For herbs I got:
Winter Savory
Lemon Verbina
Lemon thyme
Sage
Cilantro
Parsely
I want to get some basil too. I will get that when I get the other geraniums. I got the red ones. They are my favorite.
I am sitting here now with an ice back on my back and a cup of coffee. It feels good!!

I am going to do some reading now. I am almost done with my latest book. I am not sure what to read next. Any suggestions? I like mystery's and murder books, fantasy too if it's good.

So, if you could be any kind of flower what would it be and why? I had someone asked me this a long time ago. I said a daffodil since they are so sunny and happy. That is how I like to be, although I am not always like.

I had my first mammogram today, at the age of 31. Three hours I was there. First a mammogram, then a second shot of an area, and then I was told I needed an ultra sound, then the doctor came in and did the ultra sound, after she said she needed to have a consultation with me. She explained to me that they found two spots in my right breast. One they are concerned about, and one they believe may just be a small cyst. The one they are worried about, to her looks like cancer. I found out later that they don't normally tell you that. Long story short, I am going in for surgery to have it removed and biopsied (I can't spell it and I don't give a crap). We will go from there.

I wonder sometimes, will this shit ever stop? I just had back surgery a couple months ago! I have to go back to see the surgeon now because I am having problems again. I think this file project I did at work did me in. What the??? I am only 31. If I was 80, okay sure, but give me a break. Ever since I had my thyroid problems back in 2004 it is one thing after another, and breast cancer is scary. I am so tired and so drained. It has been a long day. After my 3 hour appointment I ended up going back to the office and bursting into tears and then leaving for the day. Jme picked me up and brought me to work with him because he didn't want me home all day alone thinking. It was good idea. After I leave here I am going to read my book and try to forget everything. I have to call tomorrow for my surgery appointment. Please think good thoughts for me. I know I am a sucky sg friend these days but I need all the positive energy and good thoughts I can get. I am not sure how much more crap I can take.

Okay, on to the good stuff.

Over the weekend Jme and I went to Shimmer's wedding. It was beautiful!! She looked amazing and it was one of the sweetest ceremonies I have ever seen. The day was perfect and so was everything else!! The reception was really nice. They had it at this farm and the building was really interesting. It was so nice. I will post pics on my next blog. I don't have it in me to do it tonight.

I have an interview for a full time permanent job this Wed at an OBGYN office. I would really like to work there. It is across from where I am now but it would be a steady job, no end date. The same money, same hours, paid holidays, paid vacation, all that jazz. I am really excited about it.

So, how are all of you? What's new??? Hopefully good things!!!

Have a great week my friends.