IPOD
RADIO
Right, so. As per a deal with Zarth, as well as friends here and IRL convincing me that I was being a bit more overboard than normal, I'll be hanging around. I'm still a mite cheesed off at a few people, but feh. I get my news here, and new stuff in my life's readjusted my priorities.
Let's see...
For starters, I'm now in Austin, and I'll be starting a job as an MMO in-game support rep on June 4. I'm presently living with the Ex, and we've both admitted that 13 years apart and her being a lesbian wasn't quite enough for us to not be in love anymore. It's been less traumatic than I expected, and her friends and girlfriend have so far been pretty accepting of me. Here's hoping that lasts.
That established, I'll be moving again in less than 80 days. Her girl's off in Iraq, you see, and we've been told she's due home by then. I don't think that she's entirely aware that the Ex doesn't consider me to be an "in the meanwhile" fling, but that's not important right now. The apartment's not big enough for three, the girlfriend and I may have a good chance of getting along but definitely won't have romance between us, and I'm the new one with less baggage (both metaphorical and actual). It'll suck not having the Ex sleeping next to me every night, but we'll find a way through.
Anyway. Thanks to all, and I'll be aboot with more details as they develop. Probably a real picture, too.
Be seeing you!
Let's see...
For starters, I'm now in Austin, and I'll be starting a job as an MMO in-game support rep on June 4. I'm presently living with the Ex, and we've both admitted that 13 years apart and her being a lesbian wasn't quite enough for us to not be in love anymore. It's been less traumatic than I expected, and her friends and girlfriend have so far been pretty accepting of me. Here's hoping that lasts.
That established, I'll be moving again in less than 80 days. Her girl's off in Iraq, you see, and we've been told she's due home by then. I don't think that she's entirely aware that the Ex doesn't consider me to be an "in the meanwhile" fling, but that's not important right now. The apartment's not big enough for three, the girlfriend and I may have a good chance of getting along but definitely won't have romance between us, and I'm the new one with less baggage (both metaphorical and actual). It'll suck not having the Ex sleeping next to me every night, but we'll find a way through.
Anyway. Thanks to all, and I'll be aboot with more details as they develop. Probably a real picture, too.
Be seeing you!
Well, folks, this is it. I'm done with SuicideGirls, not because I don't have the cash, but because the reasons I came here are gone. I was looking for a community that was fun and gave a rat's ass about its own, and found one that turned on each other out of pure, sadistic glee. I was intrigued by the idea of rejecting society's standards of how people should be, but found instead that what that really meant was setting up a new elite who can look down on others.
I've had a lot of good times here, and met some people I truly consider my friends. Those of you who wish, you still have access to my AIM and YIM until June or so, and I'll still check any personal messages.
But I am not paying for SG-approved people to treat others like shit, or to turn a blind eye to same. In a 25+ page thread about this site's standards, too many SGs and too many SG representatives have proven to have no standards at all.
Well, I do have standards, and while I enjoyed this site very much until recently, it's no longer up to them.
Be seeing you.
I've had a lot of good times here, and met some people I truly consider my friends. Those of you who wish, you still have access to my AIM and YIM until June or so, and I'll still check any personal messages.
But I am not paying for SG-approved people to treat others like shit, or to turn a blind eye to same. In a 25+ page thread about this site's standards, too many SGs and too many SG representatives have proven to have no standards at all.
Well, I do have standards, and while I enjoyed this site very much until recently, it's no longer up to them.
Be seeing you.
Right. So.
I've applied for a job in Austin, the Ex's turf. She's letting me room with her for about a month or so (two weeks of which she'll be out of the country with her girlfriend, so I'm housesitting and keeping an eye on her cats instead of macking on her). We're talking about odd dates we're going to do, odd gifts we're giving each other, and stuff like that. I found a movie she's been trying to track down for years. She found me a song that I've been doing the same on, and it's a little appropriate here.
It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life.
And I'm feeling good.
I've applied for a job in Austin, the Ex's turf. She's letting me room with her for about a month or so (two weeks of which she'll be out of the country with her girlfriend, so I'm housesitting and keeping an eye on her cats instead of macking on her). We're talking about odd dates we're going to do, odd gifts we're giving each other, and stuff like that. I found a movie she's been trying to track down for years. She found me a song that I've been doing the same on, and it's a little appropriate here.
It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life.
And I'm feeling good.
I'm writing this from the Ex's apartment, which I've not left since Saturday evening -- and keep your hands where I can see them, it's been a pretty PG-13 "romp". A friend of mine put me up to this, and said something pretty damn wise: my life did end at 30, and it was a shitty fucking life I'm well rid of. Time to do something new and fun. Don't you hate it when people over four years your junior have their shit together compared to you?
Anyway.
I've got a lot on the mind, butterflies galore in der tummy. We rented a bunch of movies, and the girl who put me up to this trip is going to be peeved with me that the Ex and I didn't watch Ginger Snaps (something about being into "werewolf pussy"). We also rented Carrington, which we skipped as well. For those playing along at home, Carrington's about a woman, played by Emma Thompson, who is in love with a very, very gay man, played by Jonathan Pryce. I don't know that my feelings for the Ex fit precisely into any of the classical Greek love definitions, mind, but I'm also going to be reading the Ethical Slut this week. It's looking likely that we're going to at least try a mostly platonic polyamory thing.
A couple hitches there, mind. One, I live three hours away, and while I have some job prospects down here, that's not likely changing anytime soon. Get your panties untwisted, BTW -- from what I've seen of Austin, it's a much cooler town than Arlington. The video store alone was the coolest place I've been to in years. Right now, my odds of moving here are marginally better than my odds of moving to Cali, and much as I'd like the thought of being closer to the Ex, if the Cali deal came through, I'd probably take it. It might not even be rationalizing away the fact that, while I'm pretty sure we're both happy with things between us as they are, there's still the niggling little detail that she self-identifies as a lesbian, and I've got me one of them cocks attached.
A second concern is that, at the aforementioned video store, we ran into a couple of her lesbian friends, one of whom is, as the Ex put it, "complicated". Apparently, the Ex isn't the only one of her circle who's felt an oddly hetero stir of late, and this friend has been critical of the other. My biggest fear in this trip wasn't so much my sanity (such as it is), but rather fucking up the Ex's life. That may have already happened, but the Ex reassured me that she's Alpha Kitty of the group. Nobody gives her shit. That said, she mentioned that a couple of her friends suggested that the only reason I'm down here is because of that loneliness and fear, but she's got other people who'd happily be fuckbuddies, something we're not going to do. Odd as it sounds, I'm not worried about that being true.
Ex, if you're reading this, this text is spoilerized specifically for you. Do yourself a favor and skip it. It's about what you don't want to talk about. Anyone who responds to the spoilerized text in specific, please do so with a spoiler of your own.
Anyway.
I've got a lot on the mind, butterflies galore in der tummy. We rented a bunch of movies, and the girl who put me up to this trip is going to be peeved with me that the Ex and I didn't watch Ginger Snaps (something about being into "werewolf pussy"). We also rented Carrington, which we skipped as well. For those playing along at home, Carrington's about a woman, played by Emma Thompson, who is in love with a very, very gay man, played by Jonathan Pryce. I don't know that my feelings for the Ex fit precisely into any of the classical Greek love definitions, mind, but I'm also going to be reading the Ethical Slut this week. It's looking likely that we're going to at least try a mostly platonic polyamory thing.
A couple hitches there, mind. One, I live three hours away, and while I have some job prospects down here, that's not likely changing anytime soon. Get your panties untwisted, BTW -- from what I've seen of Austin, it's a much cooler town than Arlington. The video store alone was the coolest place I've been to in years. Right now, my odds of moving here are marginally better than my odds of moving to Cali, and much as I'd like the thought of being closer to the Ex, if the Cali deal came through, I'd probably take it. It might not even be rationalizing away the fact that, while I'm pretty sure we're both happy with things between us as they are, there's still the niggling little detail that she self-identifies as a lesbian, and I've got me one of them cocks attached.
A second concern is that, at the aforementioned video store, we ran into a couple of her lesbian friends, one of whom is, as the Ex put it, "complicated". Apparently, the Ex isn't the only one of her circle who's felt an oddly hetero stir of late, and this friend has been critical of the other. My biggest fear in this trip wasn't so much my sanity (such as it is), but rather fucking up the Ex's life. That may have already happened, but the Ex reassured me that she's Alpha Kitty of the group. Nobody gives her shit. That said, she mentioned that a couple of her friends suggested that the only reason I'm down here is because of that loneliness and fear, but she's got other people who'd happily be fuckbuddies, something we're not going to do. Odd as it sounds, I'm not worried about that being true.
Ex, if you're reading this, this text is spoilerized specifically for you. Do yourself a favor and skip it. It's about what you don't want to talk about. Anyone who responds to the spoilerized text in specific, please do so with a spoiler of your own.
The Ex is coming back in a couple hours. We're to have lunch. She has threatened me with violence if I don't eat at least half a pound of turkey before I leave. I told my family that I'd be on the road by now (and, in fact, would be two hours from home by now), but won't be home until 4:30 or so at the earliest. I also said I'd go job-hunting once I got home. I'll do that. Honest. No foolies.
I'm doing a quick round-up of groups and news, and then I'm off to munch on 8 ounces of dead bird. Find someone you care about but haven't told, and tell them.
I have been 30 for just over a day. I haven't actually done any of that "sleep" stuff since Last Day, either. Been a weird couple of days, but good.
And now, really, really surreal.
Just as I was to hit the hay last night, I get an e-mail, and I recognize the address. It's the Ex. The one I haven't heard from since before swiftboating was a verb. The one I haven't seen from closer than across a half-full stadium at our younger siblings' high school graduation. The one I haven't seen in person for 13 years. The one who I was with for a whopping eight months total, but we'd clicked like we'd been together forever. We parted on relatively good terms (at least, as good as can be expected when high schoolers try to grapple with the idea that the girlfriend thinks that she and the boyfriend should both see other women), and chatted off and on over the years. We both lost e-mail addies at about the same time, and while I valued her friendship, I kind of figured that was that. We both have the kinds of names that make googling nigh useless.
And yet, bing, barely an hour after my birthday's over, she's wishing me a happy one. It's nice of her, and I thank her in a reply e-mail. Then I see she's got YIM, and drop her a line.
Eight hours pass.
It's all still there, more or less. Yes, the girl I knew is 13 years gone, but the chemistry's there. We're finishing each other's thoughts. We're naturally guessing at what the other's hobbies have been, and we're doing it correctly. I've apparently seen her little sister around town; she's almost certainly run into a couple of my on-line friends in her neck of the woods. We mock the same characters on the same TV shows.
Halfway through that eight hour marathon, I come out and say it. Yeah, it'd be ludicrous to even consider getting back together considering we've been all but incommunicado for over a decade, but we're talking the way we did back when we were dating. That shit ain't normal. She agrees, and says that things have changed. She still prefers women, but implies (or do I infer it?) that she's missing the way we used to make out forever without feeling like we had to fuck. She says the temptation's there, but the history is, too. I agree.
We share MP3s and slash fics and YouTube shit. We flirt a little more openly. We trade recent-ish pics after we both try to say we look awful, and we both point out that we're looking pretty good after all. She's been living alone for a year in a house in a town I'm fairly likely to be working in soon. More coincidences pile-up, to the point we've both been looking up Manos the Hands of Fate lately, or certain movies just yesterday. She's gone from being Ike to being Mickey, and I'm Mallorie formerly Tina. She used to be grossed out by men fucking. Now, she's asking me for info on it, since it's apparently a turn-on. We tease each other about the way we warped each other's tastes in the opposite sex. She no longer says she's a lesbian, and heavily implies that but for a single issue with fucking men, she'd prefer them now.
She says she's got a girlfriend in Iraq right now, and she seems pretty lonely. We taunt each other into breaking YIM so we can both finally get some sleep - just like high school again. She twigs on that I'm a little flustered. She says not to worry, that I was her first. I thank her, and tell her to tell her girlfriend to take care of her or I'll do "vengeance and spite and blahblahblah".
I know what the right thing to do is. I'm going to do it. I'm going to remember that coincidences happen, that she and I've got a lot more different than's immediately apparent, even after such a long chat.
It's going to suck for a bit, mind, but wow, did 30 ever start off funky.
And now, really, really surreal.
Just as I was to hit the hay last night, I get an e-mail, and I recognize the address. It's the Ex. The one I haven't heard from since before swiftboating was a verb. The one I haven't seen from closer than across a half-full stadium at our younger siblings' high school graduation. The one I haven't seen in person for 13 years. The one who I was with for a whopping eight months total, but we'd clicked like we'd been together forever. We parted on relatively good terms (at least, as good as can be expected when high schoolers try to grapple with the idea that the girlfriend thinks that she and the boyfriend should both see other women), and chatted off and on over the years. We both lost e-mail addies at about the same time, and while I valued her friendship, I kind of figured that was that. We both have the kinds of names that make googling nigh useless.
And yet, bing, barely an hour after my birthday's over, she's wishing me a happy one. It's nice of her, and I thank her in a reply e-mail. Then I see she's got YIM, and drop her a line.
Eight hours pass.
It's all still there, more or less. Yes, the girl I knew is 13 years gone, but the chemistry's there. We're finishing each other's thoughts. We're naturally guessing at what the other's hobbies have been, and we're doing it correctly. I've apparently seen her little sister around town; she's almost certainly run into a couple of my on-line friends in her neck of the woods. We mock the same characters on the same TV shows.
Halfway through that eight hour marathon, I come out and say it. Yeah, it'd be ludicrous to even consider getting back together considering we've been all but incommunicado for over a decade, but we're talking the way we did back when we were dating. That shit ain't normal. She agrees, and says that things have changed. She still prefers women, but implies (or do I infer it?) that she's missing the way we used to make out forever without feeling like we had to fuck. She says the temptation's there, but the history is, too. I agree.
We share MP3s and slash fics and YouTube shit. We flirt a little more openly. We trade recent-ish pics after we both try to say we look awful, and we both point out that we're looking pretty good after all. She's been living alone for a year in a house in a town I'm fairly likely to be working in soon. More coincidences pile-up, to the point we've both been looking up Manos the Hands of Fate lately, or certain movies just yesterday. She's gone from being Ike to being Mickey, and I'm Mallorie formerly Tina. She used to be grossed out by men fucking. Now, she's asking me for info on it, since it's apparently a turn-on. We tease each other about the way we warped each other's tastes in the opposite sex. She no longer says she's a lesbian, and heavily implies that but for a single issue with fucking men, she'd prefer them now.
She says she's got a girlfriend in Iraq right now, and she seems pretty lonely. We taunt each other into breaking YIM so we can both finally get some sleep - just like high school again. She twigs on that I'm a little flustered. She says not to worry, that I was her first. I thank her, and tell her to tell her girlfriend to take care of her or I'll do "vengeance and spite and blahblahblah".
I know what the right thing to do is. I'm going to do it. I'm going to remember that coincidences happen, that she and I've got a lot more different than's immediately apparent, even after such a long chat.
It's going to suck for a bit, mind, but wow, did 30 ever start off funky.
Last Day.
Tomorrow I will be 30. No job. No place of my own. No SO. No family of my own. No money. No real prospects.
Also no debt, so there's that on 90% of America. SUCK IT, BITCHES!
Tomorrow I will be 30. No job. No place of my own. No SO. No family of my own. No money. No real prospects.
Also no debt, so there's that on 90% of America. SUCK IT, BITCHES!
Had a really good interview yesterday. The kind where the interviewer comments off-handedly that I did much better than most applicants at a screening. The kind where, before I leave, we're talking about which department I might like, and whether I should go for the shift differential.
Today, I got an e-mail back. Impressive resume, but going with someone else. They'll keep the application for six months.
Seven months since I've been looking for a job, and that was the third call-back. The first was a Tom Thumb "offering" me an unskilled position at less than half of the rate I was looking for. The second was a temp agency that never bothered to return my calls after that point. Everyone else is dead silent.
5 days until Last Day.
Today, I got an e-mail back. Impressive resume, but going with someone else. They'll keep the application for six months.
Seven months since I've been looking for a job, and that was the third call-back. The first was a Tom Thumb "offering" me an unskilled position at less than half of the rate I was looking for. The second was a temp agency that never bothered to return my calls after that point. Everyone else is dead silent.
5 days until Last Day.
Eight days until Last Day.
Job interview Wednesday. Not sure if it's away from customers or not, but I'm hoping for the latter. Also hoping I hear back from the gaming company soon-ish. It's worse not hearing, and just stumbling into the knowledge that someone else got the job.
Slooooowly getting back into some of my on-line friendships after I royally screwed them last year. Still anxious, but that's only to be expected... right?
sillyokio had a really bad day. Give her love.
Job interview Wednesday. Not sure if it's away from customers or not, but I'm hoping for the latter. Also hoping I hear back from the gaming company soon-ish. It's worse not hearing, and just stumbling into the knowledge that someone else got the job.
Slooooowly getting back into some of my on-line friendships after I royally screwed them last year. Still anxious, but that's only to be expected... right?
sillyokio had a really bad day. Give her love.
22 days until Last Day.
Had a good day for the most part. Finally screwed up the nerve to apply to one of my dream jobs. It came with a six-hour pretest to assess my skills. Looking over it, I felt confident I'd ace it. I was right, too.
What I was wrong about, however, is remembering military time. 1300 hours is not 3:00 PM, and while I'd have had plenty of time to work through it if I was remembering it, I wanted to take a couple breaks and destress so I wouldn't make any of the mistakes I usually do if I get hurried.
Long story short, I submitted 10 minutes, 23 seconds late. The webpage says it won't grade my pretest, but it also accepted the answers anyway, so they might get bored enough to look. I also have two other jobs with the same people that I can apply for, one of which is really good but really hard to swing, and the other which is much, much more likely. I'll try them both.
Also, say hi to sillyokio. Girl's made me smile plenty.
Had a good day for the most part. Finally screwed up the nerve to apply to one of my dream jobs. It came with a six-hour pretest to assess my skills. Looking over it, I felt confident I'd ace it. I was right, too.
What I was wrong about, however, is remembering military time. 1300 hours is not 3:00 PM, and while I'd have had plenty of time to work through it if I was remembering it, I wanted to take a couple breaks and destress so I wouldn't make any of the mistakes I usually do if I get hurried.
Long story short, I submitted 10 minutes, 23 seconds late. The webpage says it won't grade my pretest, but it also accepted the answers anyway, so they might get bored enough to look. I also have two other jobs with the same people that I can apply for, one of which is really good but really hard to swing, and the other which is much, much more likely. I'll try them both.
Also, say hi to sillyokio. Girl's made me smile plenty.
JUNE 2007
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MAY 2007