I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, like I'm the lead character of a lifetime movie (without any murder). I've been having an affair with a married woman, one that I've known for more than 9 years, had an on off relationship type thing for most of that (only dated a very short time back in highschool, then every time one of us wanted to get with the other, they were in a relationship). I never intended to ever even attempt something like this with anyone, but I couldn't help but feel like it would be worth it if She ends up choosing Me over him. He's been overseas since April and Our relationship has been going on since just before May started. He comes back in a few weeks and I'm terrified I'm going to lose Her. I've already had the conversation that She needs to choose before he gets back, so that clusterfuck doesn't have to be dealt with in such volatile ways as I'm sure they will were We to wait; but, I'm afraid that She's going to choose him, not out of Love or happiness, but instead because he provides better stability due to his career. I've only ever come close to caring about someone this much one other time in My life, I don't want to lose what means so much to Me, I want Her to be happy of course, but I genuinely want Her to be happy with Me.

I feel like the biggest idiot in the world, like I'm the lead character of a lifetime movie (without any murder). I've been having an affair with a married woman, one that I've known for more than 9 years, had an on off relationship type thing for most of that (only dated a very short time back in highschool, then every time one of us wanted to get with the other, they were in a relationship). I never intended to ever even attempt something like this with anyone, but I couldn't help but feel like it would be worth it if She ends up choosing Me over him. He's been overseas since April and Our relationship has been going on since just before May started. He comes back in a few weeks and I'm terrified I'm going to lose Her. I've already had the conversation that She needs to choose before he gets back, so that clusterfuck doesn't have to be dealt with in such volatile ways as I'm sure they will were We to wait; but, I'm afraid that She's going to choose him, not out of Love or happiness, but instead because he provides better stability due to his career. I've only ever come close to caring about someone this much one other time in My life, I don't want to lose what means so much to Me, I want Her to be happy of course, but I genuinely want Her to be happy with Me.