JEEZZZZZZZZE US.. Seriously. I hate this.. I hate having to vent about things and having things to vent about.

I saw my mom earlier this month. She is progressing. But I think that she has some sort of depression (even before this happened due to a car wreck) and it's stuck in her head that she is going to be so dysfunctional that it's making her dysfunctional. She has a constant migraine which is normal after this kind of brain trauma but she doesn't seem to get that the migraine is causing double vision and all kinds of other things. No, it has to be something else. Something more severe. Which it isn't and I had to tell her that she has to get a grip on herself and have a better attitude. Because I now have no self esteem left. I am stuttering around new people and unable to speak up. And I am half way funny now.

AND because my brother was diagnosed with cancer on Wednesday. He has a non-hogdkins lymphoma in his abdomen. He starts chemo next week hopefully. He's 25... 25.. The growth has made him not eat (he's a big boy, 280) and tired. Chemo every 3 weeks for 6 hours at a time. Fingers crossed. He has a good outlook on this working and luckily he will get STD and LTD as well as the treatment only costing 750.

For some reason I feel like my family is cursed. It's so strange. My mom's half sister was kidnapped and killed in the 70's (at 5 years old). My uncle was murder in 2001. 4 out of the 5 kids that were living to teenage years are addicted to drugs of some sort. My mom is the only one that is not. She does have a serial outlook on marriage, like my grandma . My father is MR. Fucking Craptaculor and is my mom's dad. . and then all this. And I guess because it's the web you wouldn't know it, but I walk around with a fucking grin on my face everywhere in public. To the point that people who think they know me think that I am so fucking adjusted. It's hard to be adjusted every fucking day.

And I hate my job. Firstly, I think that the HR person or the...

JEEZZZZZZZZE US.. Seriously. I hate this.. I hate having to vent about things and having things to vent about.

I saw my mom earlier this month. She is progressing. But I think that she has some sort of depression (even before this happened due to a car wreck) and it's stuck in her head that she is going to be so dysfunctional that it's making her dysfunctional. She has a constant migraine which is normal after this kind of brain trauma but she doesn't seem to get that the migraine is causing double vision and all kinds of other things. No, it has to be something else. Something more severe. Which it isn't and I had to tell her that she has to get a grip on herself and have a better attitude. Because I now have no self esteem left. I am stuttering around new people and unable to speak up. And I am half way funny now.

AND because my brother was diagnosed with cancer on Wednesday. He has a non-hogdkins lymphoma in his abdomen. He starts chemo next week hopefully. He's 25... 25.. The growth has made him not eat (he's a big boy, 280) and tired. Chemo every 3 weeks for 6 hours at a time. Fingers crossed. He has a good outlook on this working and luckily he will get STD and LTD as well as the treatment only costing 750.

For some reason I feel like my family is cursed. It's so strange. My mom's half sister was kidnapped and killed in the 70's (at 5 years old). My uncle was murder in 2001. 4 out of the 5 kids that were living to teenage years are addicted to drugs of some sort. My mom is the only one that is not. She does have a serial outlook on marriage, like my grandma . My father is MR. Fucking Craptaculor and is my mom's dad. . and then all this. And I guess because it's the web you wouldn't know it, but I walk around with a fucking grin on my face everywhere in public. To the point that people who think they know me think that I am so fucking adjusted. It's hard to be adjusted every fucking day.

And I hate my job. Firstly, I think that the HR person or the VP of the company told other people about why I left when my mom was sick. And I don't like that. Yes I cried the day I found out but I don't like to cry at work and I don't like to bring things up to people who don't really know me, world wide web excluded. They've gone through 3 payroll people in less than a year.... .hum?...

I think that I don't like HR. I think that I want to be a teacher. I love children and I'd have autonomy. I also believe that having an education can better anyone. Also, I want my own kids and don't want to ship them off every summer or have them being latch key kids. I dunno.

I still haven't touched the wedding. I did buy a brass basket for the flower girl but other than that... Nothing.

I know it will get better. And if it doesn't. Maybe I can move to Nevada and be part of the legalized prostitution... At least that way I'd be getting some sex.. more on that later i guess.