I get to go home from tour early.. Yay!

On my mind.


It's been almost a week. I left home, I'm on the road and It's the first time my sights have ever been set backward. The biggest tour, The most money, The best gig, Yet my sights aim in the opposite direction. I don't know why i'm mildly obsessing, If that even exists.. To mildly obsess. Maybe, It is because I spent a long time trying. A long time waiting for the right time, The right place.. The right mood. It wasn't up to me. I was smitten the moment i laid eyes on her. She waltzed in., Usually barren except for the empty dreams and broken hearts of the middle aged life long casualties that riddled the bar. That was over a year ago. I chased her.. She knew what i was after. It was her. She knew how i felt the first time she smiled at me. Into me. she had me. I spent a small bit of time with her. Laying on her couch, and laughing together. I kissed her once. she kissed back for a moment but that as about it. She had told a friend that she didn't really feel anything. I didn't really care what she had felt. I just told myself it wasn't the right time. eventually. maybe. patience. over the months we spoke. I saw her a few times. on her time. Again, laying and laughing. This time, a little more heart felt, but no kiss. I wouldn't dare. I thought.. maybe something to be desired.. Desired for another time perhaps. I believe, that is when I got to her. When she started thinking. Which is what led her to me a week ago. Over a thousand miles away, in a different country no less.. this is what i think about. Why on the night before i leave for weeks.. Does it have to culminate? Left with thoughts and emotions.. I'm somewhat love sick in Canada. The wonderment ensues, as to weather or not she cares beyond that night. I'm not sure. We hadn't discussed it. We went to sleep in each others arms, we made love. We awoke, and made love again.. Which led me to believe that it was genuine. It wasn't a product of the drink, or the bitter cold, late evening, or the act of a lonesome moment. Whatever it was.. Whatever it can be, Time will tell. Time itself is a cruel partner to which i am bound. Almost a month before i go back. Settle a score. Speak. Listen. For now, i just wonder. As I travel, all i can do is wonder.

Just because we had sex.. doesn't mean anyody gives a fuck about me.




im about to be 26. its one thing to have a grip on where you are, who you are... where you are going and what you are capable of..
it's a complete different thing to not know where you're going... and not know what you're capable of. I grew up.. happy. I wanted to play music.. i met people in my teens, i played shows, and that was that. in my time i met boys and girls who liked my music.. but now that its been a few years... it doesnt fucking matter.. I'm about to go to detroit in a week to see the most amazing band ive ever cared about.. but thats ont the point....


you are small and fragile.

you smile and after the other night, it kills me.

i honestly think you dont give a fuck.. and that you dont care about anything...


but i care about you..


so where do i go from here......

you know.. if you spend so much time being emotionally inept, you don't prepare yourself for being happy, nor let down. its a sure fire bet that you're not going to feel any extreme differences from day to day.
Man, lemme tell ya.. when you've been "so-so" for a few too many years, and something or someone comes along and really fucks you up.. and you remember what depression used to feel like, it makes you feel sorta stupid.sort of.. starving for some sort of attention that you thought you would never need. the kind of attention that you thought you were better than.
You want someone to leave you alone forever.. but you wanna scream something in their direction.. You don't like talking about your feelings.. but you yern to yell it at the top of your lungs and tell those who really.. don't gve a fuck about your situation...
either way, i guess what i'm saying is to feel depressed.. is to be embarassed. or at least, it's really embarassing to me, the 25 year old stage tech. from Logan Square, here in the greatest city, Chicago.






when you dissapoint me and maliciously intend on doing something very very foul, just to get a rise out of me..


all i can do is say it was a pleasure knowing you.

So...


i went out to aparty tonight and it was laaaame... being from chicago, and living with "cool" people.. keeps the invites coming.. 99 percent of the time i dont go. i get yelled at.. or made fun of because i dont give a fuck... but tonight i went. I went with a couple of girls and a few roommmates to this party... i drank as much as fast as i felt comfortable.. which totally fucked me up.. but didnt make me as insane as everyone else..

So after al the booze and all the inuendos.. my roommate are trying to mack game... and i decided its way easier just to go upstairs and go to sleeep..




well..


good night.

Eryka Badu has no hair.






it's completely true. I mean, i saw Dave Chapelle's "Block Party", in which her fro almost flies off.. but now.. shes shaved bald. I know this, because tonight, at the Park West Theater in Chicago, she played a VIP show for some Miller Genuine Draft concert series. I'm a stage tech. so i was working the show. the backup band is a group of young black musicians called The Craft Band put together to backup R&B and Hip Hop artists in a monthly concert series.. so for the past 4 months, i've been working with these dudes. it's been pretty rad. tonight we got way drunk. This trumpet player Leon owns some brazilian rum company. we drank 4 bottles of the shit. i was getting way juiced there for a while, but i had to pul it together because i had to do set changes and load out and stuff. I was there at 9am and just got home around 2 am. it's been a long day. now i need to go sleepy.




-dave