pollythundercat

Hearing about my very limited chances of hearing the answer I want from USCIS made me want to clarify my last post.


I'd love if you could take the time to read it all - It's 2am and I'm pretty much pouring my heart out.
It kills me to talk about this - it's like I'm finally sinking into reality, but unless there's a miracle from God, I will be leaving the United States of America on November 27, 2007.

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services has been my worst nightmare. I've been trying so hard to do everything the way things are supposed to be done, and they make it impossible. Worst part is now I'm here pretty much empty-handed in every way possible, and feeling retarded for even trying.
I didn't do everything I've come here to do, and for that I feel like part of me failed. I know and believe that even bad things become good things, learning experiences - and all the amazing people I've come across and the experiences brought along with them have already made my time here unforgettable.
I've tried to remain legal in order not to kill my chances of getting residence here through my sister, and also because I don't want to be banned from coming here. Waiting for a result (technically for 3 months - but i was told today that due to the amount of cases, everything has been delayed) and having to leave at the cost of maybe never being able to come back beats the entire purpose.
Until I'm able to absorb reality, I will feel like shit. It will take me a couple of days. I have such great new friends, I absolutely love Jenn and her family, who embraced me and took care of me and made me part of their whole...there's so much to be thankful for, and I know this, and I know that's how I will feel after I take all of this in.

I never make plans - and the fact my plans were so tiny and not ambitious and yet did not pull through doesn't help.

Please don't misunderstand or misjudge me - I'm dreading being misunderstood. I am so unbelievably thankful for all I have, all that was done for me, and for all the help and patience and effort that was put by many different people in order to try and keep me here. All of this is so hard for me....and so painful. I don't know what life's gonna be like being far from this place and these people. I love it here, and I love THEM. My thoughts on failing have nothing to do with anyone else but myself. You all have been amazing.

I am leaving even more scared than I was before coming here. I feel I have so much more to lose. I have no idea when I'll be able to come back - it will take me at least a couple of years, and God knows where all of us will be in life by then.
The stupidest things, like excess baggage fees, or other people's opinion on my 5 jobless months, or getting internet back as soon as i get there, or being able to pack everything...they seem so huge and scary to me. Fuck pms, dude. I feel so fucking small.

SG has brought me everything good that I've experienced during my time here. I've met over 30 people from this website, and I will always remember every single one of them. I'll leave all the thanking for my last post here.

I'm sorry, I'm a kind of a mess right now. Send me some good thoughts, and love. I'm sure I'll be feeling better by the end of the weekend.


Now give me some love and cheer me da fuck up! Pretty please?

Love,
♥
Polly