Holy crap!

It's been three and a half months since I posted something.

Sorry!!

Hopefully all of you still remember who I am. Not sure why I haven't posted anything. And not reading your blog entries. The worst part is that when I don't keep up with my friends' blogs is that I fall further and further behind. Then it starts to seem overwhelming to try to catch up.

It's less than a week till Christmas, and I didn't want to leave posting something until after the holidays. I will make an effort to catch up with everyone over the next few days. I hope.

How am I doing? I'm not sure. I no longer feel blah. My psychiatrist lowered the dose of my anti-psychotic to a very low amount, and it seems to have worked, allowing me to feel emotions. Not that the emotions are always happy, but at least I'm feeling things now.

He also raised the dose of my anti-depressant. I'm now taking the highest dose of it that he's ever prescribed (though there have been a few others taking the same dose). It's one of the few anti-depressants that can be measured in a blood test, to see if I'm in the therapeutic range. Too little, and there's no effect, but too much and there's no positive effect either. But I am actually feeling occasional moments of happiness. They're short bursts, not lasting very long, but that's still better than never feeling happy.

Some of the things I enjoy doing are still not being done regularily, like reading friends' blogs. But sometimes I actually get in a good frame of mind and even do things that I HAVE to do. Like finally putting up new blinds. My blinds had suffered at the claws of previous cats, and I got a replacement set of blinds at the beginning of the year, but never got off my ass and put them up. Until last week. Yay me!

As always, I really love Christmas. It's not like I do anything exciting. I spend a few days at my mom's (and she lives just down the street), but I like giving her gifts. And we eat too much sweet and/or fatty food. Same with a few days later for New Year's Eve.

Since it's just the two of us, we haven't had a big roast turkey for many years. For several years we would have a stuffed turkey breast. This year we're having a Tofurkey. We've had it a few times this year, and figured it would be nice for Christmas day dinner. Besides, it's a lot less effort than an actual roast turkey.

And this year we're going to attempt something new. On Christmas Eve, we're going to try using Skype to talk to my brother and his wife and their son. I've never used Skype before. I installed it on my mom's computer, and it looks simple enough. But it'll be a new experience to talk by webcam.

There are a few more things I could prattle on about, but I'm going to leave them for next year, after I've caught up with everybody.

Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!

Oops! I went through the whole month of August without posting anything.

I had hoped I would do better, but I haven't been feeling very socialable I guess. The medication change a couple months ago has helped, insomuch as I don't feel blah or affectless. Now I feel depressed. If nothing else, it's a familiar feeling.

It makes it hard to be friendly, if that makes any sense. Maybe it's just because I'm not very outgoing, and the depression increases the feeling?




But it's not like I didn't do anything the past six weeks. I went to my brother's birthday party in Mississauga. I went to the Garlic Festival in Sudbury. It rained a little bit that day, which was nice because it reduced the lineups for food. Well, nice for people standing in line, not nice for the Ukrainian Seniors Centre who use it as a fundraiser. Also went to the Ribfest in Sudbury. I don't really eat ribs, so I had pulled pork. Really yummy. Went to the Massey Fair and watched the demolition derby. Had a scone with bologna. (The scones aren't the usual scones, but native Canadian scones, which are basically big lumps of dough, deep-fried). Had a funnel cake too. But this year they didn't have deep-fried Mars bars. Oh, the horror.



I also finally got off my butt and did the first unit of the grade 10 math course. For anyone unaware, I decided that although I have my high school diploma, if I ever get the chance to go back to university, I'll need to redo high school math and science. I had miserable grades in high school, mostly through a combination of lack of effort and lack of attendence. And as an update, I decided to take the grade 10 math course by correspondence instead of at the local adult education centre. I actually did go to the centre to register, but discovered a couple things that steered me back to correspondence. The first is that the adult education centre wants you to commit, in writing, to spending two-and-a-half hours a day there. I can't possibly do that. My body and mind just won't allow for that. Especially since it's during the day. The other is that each course, however you take it, is divided into four units, with four texts. And the adult learning centre makes you return each text as you finish each unit. The correspondence courses let you keep the books. Which makes doing the work so much easier. Each unit builds on the previous unit, and with no way to go back and re-read parts of previous units, I doubt I'd do very well.

So I finally got around to the first unit, after letting it gather dust for a couple months. It's all that stuff about sine, cosine, and tangents. Other than recognizing the words, I had no memory of the actual math involved. But I sent off my first unit, and managed to get 98% on it. So I'm pleased with that. And I've already started the second unit. Yay me!



I'll be going to my nephew's first birthday party in a few days. I'm not sure infants are aware of birthdays, but he better pretend to like the gifts I got him. The day after his party, my mom and I will stop by the Vegetarian Food Fair before heading home. No, I'm not a vegetarian (see Ribfest, above), but the food there is really good.


Once again, I've managed to fall behind on my friends' blogs. I am determined to catch up with everyone before I go away next week.

So.... I'm now 41 years old.

I'm tempted to say "Yikes!" But I don't really feel that way. Which is a great relief since some of you may recall that my last birthday was stressful mentally. Normally I barely notice my birthday, but last year was different. I felt very stressed by it.

So I'm glad that I'm back to not really caring.

I had take-out fish and chips with my mom, and watermelon for dessert. I'm pretty easy to please.

I got my gift from my mom a couple months ago. A renewal of my subscription to mental_floss magazine. If you haven't heard of it, you must track it down and read an issue. For someone like me, who likes to fill their brain with lots of useless facts, it's amazing. Seriously, an entire magazine devoted to trivia. Visit their website - they have loads of things online too. Mental Floss


A few weeks ago, I finally saw my psychiatrist. He's reduced the dose of my anti-psychotic, and increased the dose of my main anti-depressant. He's hoping that will help me not only feel better mood-wise, but also reduce my lethargy.

It's hard to tell if it's made me more awake, since we've been through an almost non-stop heat wave since the change was made. And the oppressive heat makes me tired. I want to sleep through the hot days.

But my moood? Hrmm.... it's slightly better. Not so blah now. That was the problem. I felt blah - affectless. Now I actually feel things, at least more so than before.

And I was relieved to find out that it didn't require a change of anti-depressant. I hate having to try something new. I never used to feel that way, because I had always had good luck with med changes. A couple years that changed, when one anti-depressant made me really irritable and angry, and another had the paradoxal effect of making my depression worse. So now I'm a bit gun shy when it comes to changing meds.

The reduction in anti-psychotic didn't really worry me though. My schizophrenia has always been very well controlled by medication, and I pay attention to the symptoms since I absolutely fear having a psychotic break. My only psychotic period had very serious consequences, and I dread having it happen again.

So, I'm doing better than blah. And that's an improvement.


I've actually done a bit of cleaning in my house. I can see parts of my floor now. And I've been updating my website. It's been rather neglected for far too long, only being updated when someone contacts me to correct information on it. So I'm finally going through and checking everything on it.


I think I'll stop here. Not much else to say, since I have less to complain about.


Thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday. It means a lot.

I got back from the gala a few hours ago. I'm very tired, but my brain won't stop until I write this entry.

And, as with other recent entries, it'll be shorter than past gala recaps.



It was nice being able to stay in downtown Toronto, near the gala, for a change. Didn't have to worry about traffic getting there.

One minor hiccup before going to the pre-gala dinner was that I somehow forgot how to tie a tie. I went to a private high school, so I got lots of practice, but that was a heck of long time ago, so it's only once or twice a year that I have to tie a necktie. And this time, I couldn't remember. I spent about 15 minutes trying to get it right. I even looked it up on Wikipedia, but the explanation was more complicated than I could follow. Thankfully, just as I was about to give up and go tieless, I figured it out.

Walked to the restaurant, and being early, stood outside waiting, hoping that if other people showed up, I'd actually recognize them. And that's what happened. First one, then another, and another. By 7pm, there was quite a crowd waiting outside. The funny thing is that once we went inside and were directed to the second floor, I don't think anyone else showed up. Maybe people didn't know there was a second floor?

Before sitting down, someone yelled "Hi!", and I looked and it was a terribly cute woman directing the greeting to me. I was momentarily stunned, like a deer caught in headlights. I looked at her, and couldn't figure out who she was. Generally speaking, I'm not accustomed to beautiful women yelling hello. After what must have been either 3 seconds, or 3 minutes, I returned the greeting and asked who she was. Suri. Someone who I was aware existed on the site, but had never actually spoken to. Once the initial shock wore off, I was very happy to have had a pretty stranger say hi.

Dinner conversation was enjoyable, though my nachos were not. It's always a great pleasure to see Adair, and this year, to meet her boyfriend.

After dinner, I did my usual gala tradition of tagging along with radiofrank to help set up at the club.

Some people wonder why I would volunteer to spend the first couple hours of the gala giving out door prize tickets and nametags. Honestly, for someone as shy as I usually am, it's something that gives me a 'job' that requires me to at least briefly speak to virtually everyone who comes in the door. I get to see most people writing their names on the nametags, and though all the names tend to get jumbled up in my head by the end of the night, I still learn at least a few new names.

Speaking of which, hello to AmeTsuki. You're both stunning and friendly. And even though you explained your name, I forgot. Thank God for the guest list being posted or I would have had a hell of a time remembering the exact spelling.

I lucked out this year and got a photo of AmeTsuki with Agy and Raynne. Two years ago I mentioned Agy in my gala recap, and last year I mentioned Raynne, and I managed to get a picture of all three together. But, this year is different because I've actually spoken to AmeTsuki before mentioning her in the recap, whereas I only said hi to the others after the gala.

I've known of Schuldig for years, but have never actually spoken to her, even online, so it was nice to finally say hi to her.

As long as I'm mentioning people I saw at the gala, hello to Renna and Vesta, two people I've never spoken to, but I have to mention them, cuz, well, they're very pretty.

And hello to Elizabethgypsy. At least I think that's your name. I know your nametag had the word 'gypsy' on it, and this is the only name on the guest list with that word in it. It was very nice of you to make sure the bartender served us in order, rather than by beauty. Wish I were less shy so I could have talked more.

Speaking of shy... there are a couple people I always feel a bit more shy, or even intimidated by, and therefore barely speak two words to. Lucy and Martini are two of those people. And the funny thing is that both of them have a lot of mutual friends with me, so you'd think I'd be less shy. It was great to speak to Lucy for a few minutes. Hope it happens again. And Martini is great. I love reading her blog. Everytime I read it, I think, yeah, this is someone I really want to be friends with. And for some reason I always either get shy and don't say anything or I overcompensate and say too much. I'm working on finding a balance.

Oh, a funny thing at the gala... I saw Mneylu arrive and I thought to myself, she's a lot taller than I remember. It was only later that I noticed she was wearing boots with heels that must have added several inches to her height. Yup - I'm very observant.

Finally, near the end of the gala, I kept noticing this one women, who looked amazing, but I couldn't read her nametag. I kept glancing over to her, trying to figure out what it said. Now I think I did a pretty good job of not staring, so maybe this is just a happy coincidence, but a couple minutes later, she came up to me and introduced herself. So hello to Friskey. Thanks for telling me who you were. It was brief, but a real pleasure to meet you.



Then on to the post-gala brunch. I got there early, and was amazed to find a few people were already there. And once again, thankfully I knew who they were. Unfortunately because of the weather (a bit chilly with the threat of rain), we didn't takeover the back patio, but instead were spread out over various tables and stools all over the restaurant.

And yay me, I got to sit across from Suri. She is absolutely charming. She's from the US, so the whole group of us were talking about food products that were unique to Canada, so she and her husband could buy some to take home. Things like different flavours of chips, and different types of chocolate bars. Though I'm not sure they really believed us when we mentioned buying bags of milk. Honest - there are videos of it on YouTube, demonstrating how we use them.



Of course, gala is not worth mentioning unless I point out how fantastic it is to spend a bit of time with my buddy Flit and her girlfriend Dusti_n. I sometimes feel like I have to apologize to Dusti_n for all the attention I give Flit. It's a serious shame that I only see them about once a year. Actually, it's more than a shame, it just plain sucks.


And hi to everyone else. I promised a shorter recap than in past years, and I think I may have lied, at least slightly, so hello to everyone else!!


Finally, I must thank radiofrank and AandP for all the hard work they do to pull the gala together. They don't get paid to do it, and as you may know, they plan it many months in advance. So big hugs to you both!!

The gala really is worth the long drive to Toronto. Always makes for a difficult drive home, knowing that I won't see all these great people for another year.


By the way, here are a few pictures.

Just wanted to update everyone about the Grade 9 math course I was taking.

(I talked about in my last entry. If you missed it, then you have to go read it. Seriously, by reading this, you've committed to going back and reading the previous entry ).

I was nervous as anything about writing the exam. It was one thing to do the homework with the text to refer to, but the exam would have to be from memory. They offered a practice test on their website, so I printed it and did it the night before. It was long, but I did well on it. So that was a relief, made it easier to sleep before the exam.

I somehow managed to wake myself up at 7:30am, to write the test at 9am. Since mornings are pretty foriegn to me, I downed an energy drink to help wake me up.

Got to the school, and within a couple minutes I was doing the test.

I went through everything, answered everything. Double-checked everything. And I still had 30 minutes before time was up. But apart from staring a hole into the paper, I had nothing else to do, so I handed it in.

They put it in the envelope and mailed it to Toronto to be marked. And several times a day, everyday, I have been going to their website to see if my mark has been posted.

It finally was today.

And I was stunned.

I got 100% on it.

So, my final grade for the course is 99%.

When I told my mom, she jokingly suggested that I write to my old high school to tell them. As I said in the last entry, I wasn't exactly the best student back then.

So, now I'm going to psych myself up to sign up for Grade 10 math. If the first unit of that goes well, then maybe I'll sign up for some other Grade 9 course, like Science or Geography.

And I'm thinking of going to the local Adult Education Centre to do it. They actually use the same materials as the Independent Learning Centre does for distance education. With the benefit of having a teacher there everyday if you have questions or need help.

But like all schools, it's only during the day. So I have to figure out if I can manage to wake myself up early at least one day a week.

Another benefit of taking the courses in person is that I can submit my work and get it marked much more quickly then if I had to mail it in.

The only drawback is that they don't offer all the courses that you can take by distance education. Though I think I could still take the distance learning courses at the same time.

Well, I'll take a couple days to think about it.

And thank you to everyone who wished my luck on the test. I appreciate it!

Hey there!

Well, it's been awhile, as usual, since my last update.

Not a lot to report though. My mood is still blah. I wish I could tell you that I was feeling good, but at least I'm not feeling awful. Just blah.



I will let you in on a little secret though. A few years ago, I decided to take high school math again. It's been more than two decades since I did any math, and I was a horrible student, especially in math. Well, in math and French, but French was even more hopeless for me than math.

High school and I didn't get along. I skipped numerous days and rarely studied, except for last minute cramming. And cramming isn't very effective even if you did attend all your classes.

Besides, I hope to one day go back to university. I did graduate high school. Grade 12 diploma, though this was back when Ontario had a grade 13. Yes, they used to have five years of high school here. And you needed your Grade 13 diploma to go to university. So I went to work after dropping out of Grade 13 three times, at two different schools. Then in my twenties, I applied to York University, in Toronto, as a mature student. I attended for a year and a bit, until I got too ill mentally to continue. I did get a few credits though, including a few in my major of psychology.

Someday I'd like to take more courses. I have no idea how. The nearest university is two hours away, and a single course costs about what I get on disability for a month, when you include textbooks. So I have no idea how I'd ever afford it. And student loans are out since I'd only be taking one course at a time, and I still owe for all the loans I had years ago.

Nonetheless, I'm fascinated by science courses - psychology, biology, you name it.

But I don't really have the math and science base to be able to take those kind of courses.

So a few years ago, I figured I'd take high school math again. Though it could be argued I'd be taking for the first time, since between the poor attendence the first time, and the passage of so much time, it'd be new to me.

I signed up to take Grade 9 math. Here in Ontario, you can take high school courses by distance learning, and it only costs $40/course.

I remembered the stuff from the first unit of the course. Easy things like figuring out percentages and ratios. Nothing too taxing. But it was clearly just as a refresher.

I got 100% on the first unit. Then 100% on the second unit. Then 97% on the third unit, and one of the lost marks was from being careless and only answering the first part of the question.

I dove into the fourth and final unit. Got about halfway through. Then I hit a question that nearly drove me insane. I read it over and over and it always seemed like the question was missing something needed to answer it.

After awhile, I decided to give it a few days and then try again. Same problem. This happenned a few times, over the course of a few weeks.

Two problems arose. The first was that I was too stubborn to ask for help. They offer help online and by phone (certain times and days), but no, I had been aceing the course and wasn't going to ask for help. The second was that because I procrastinate between units, I was only a couple weeks shy of the deadline for completing the course.

Well, guess what, I ended up dropping the course.

Groan.

Gave up for a year, then signed up again last year. (You can take the course a second time if you need to).

Here's the stupid thing, I did the first three units by simply rewriting and submitting my work from the first try, correcting my couple mistakes in the third unit.

This is really stupid. Because I had already forgotten much of the material. My memory is pretty bad for a lot of things, but especially numbers.

So I basically faked my way through the first three-quarters of the course. Not very bright.

And, procrastinating as usual, I found myself facing the final unit with a month left in the course, and having to redo the whole course.

But here's the amazing thing - I actually managed to plow my way through it. I was forcing myself to get up by noon (trust me - that's a big deal for me), and then take myself to the library and redo everything. I was going most days, sitting for hours, doing it all.

And when I got to the question that stumped me, well, it still stumped me. But I kept doing every variation of every calculation I could think of, and solved it on the calculator. Then I went to write it down. And then I forgot what I did, because I had been frantically trying every calculation, I couldn't remember what I had actually done to solve it. So I tried everything again. Solved it again. Forgot it again.

I'm serious. Trust me, if you've ever met me, or talked to me, I don't think I usually come across as braindead. But man, this was making me feel stupid.

Thank God, the third time I solved it, I managed to remember it long enough to write down.



So.... now I'm waiting to find out my mark on it, and waiting for them to schedule my final exam. The exam scares the crap out of me. Unlike the course work, it's closed-book. They do provide a practice test on their website, which I'll be doing soon. (Honest!). And thankfully, the test does provide a sheet with formulas, things like figuring out the volume of a cylinder, that kind of thing. BUT - they don't provide the key sequences for figuring out things on the scientific graphing calcultor. And I'm serious, remembering all the steps is harder than some of the math.



I have to say a few things about taking a 'basic' math course. One, trust me, when it's been a couple decades since you've done anything beyond addition and subtraction, you really are starting from scratch again. Two, high school math had become much harder. Back in the 80's when I took it, calculators weren't as complicated. Now that anyone can punch in a few buttons and figure out something like standard deviation, they expect you to be able to do it. Although I skipped a lot of classes, I'm certain we weren't expected to be able to the kind of calculations expected today. Third, I'm disappointed to admit that I actually felt old taking the course. When I was young, I studied while listening to music. It actually helped. At least it seemed to. Now, I find that I need mostly silence in order to take in what I'm reading.


Anyways, like I said, I'm waiting to find out how I did on the final unit, and I should be taking the exam in a few weeks. Wish me luck.

Crap!

My last entry was more than two months ago.

Sorry to anyone looking at it recently and having to put up with a very out-of-date "Merry Christmas" message from me.

I'm not going to talk about myself too much this time. Suffice to say I still feel blah. If I had the money, I could try a couple new anti-depressants that have hit the market, but I can't afford them, and they're not yet covered by my disability drug plan. There's also a quasi-electro-shock I could try. Fewer side effects than ECT, and you don't have to jump through the hoops of getting other psychiatrists to approve. But, it's not covered by medicare. Instead of electricity, they blast your brain with a magnet. Good results apparently, and without the potential memory loss of ECT. But, no money for it.

Like I said, I'm feeling rather blah. That really is the best way to describe it, even though it's barely a word. As I've described before, much of the time I feel nothing, not actively depressed, but just empty.



Anyways, I'm thinking that one thing I should do is post more often, even if it's just to share videos or links. I know that's what most people do in most of their blog entries.



So here's a video of Tom Brokaw explaining Canada to his fellow Americans. You know, just last week there was a survey released that showed that 90% of Americans have a positive impression of Canadians. Of course, most of them have no knowledge of Canada, but at least they like us.



This was a mini-film that NBC did as part of their coverage of the Vancouver Olympics. The Olympics - the only time I ever watch sports. For about two weeks every two years, I actually watch sports. Of course, it's made easier by the fact that most of the shows I regularly watch take time off during the games.



Hey! Just a reminder to everyone that the annual SuicideGirls gala will be June 5, and the guest list is open, and more than half-full already, so get your name on it.

Remember me?

I know I've been away for a long time, but I'm amazed it's actually been more than 3 months since I've posted a blog entry. Yikes!

I'll be honest, I was feeling like crap. Very depressed. I'm feeling somewhat better, but mostly just really blah. Seriously, blah is a good word for it. I feel like I have almost no emotional ups or downs these days. Just blah.

Let's catch up on things in my life, and I swear I'll try to keep it short.



As you may recall, in June my wonderful cat died, very suddenly, of something akin to a stroke. She was in great health, but the vet said it may have been genetic. Then in July I turned 40. And I usually barely notice my birthdays, but I guess 40 is a milestone age. So it seemed to hit me hard when I see that my life is nothing like I want it to be, nothing like how I planned it on being. In September my brother welcomed his son Jax into the world. Of course, I'm thrilled for him, but it means I'm the only one in my family to not have kids now. And as you probably know, I want kids more than anything else in the world.

From feeling better than I've felt in years during the first part of the year, I sunk fast and hard.

I'm not going to waste your time bitching and moaning about how awful I've been feeling, but as my absence has demonstrated, when I feel crappy, I tend to withdraw socially. And considering I'm not the most socialable person around, that means I virtually stop talking to almost everyone.

My counsellor thought it might be due to my new nephew. That maybe I was really hit hard by the idea that I may never have children. I can understand that view, but it didn't seem to really be the problem.

Then a couple months ago I saw an ad from the local animal shelter saying that they had a surplus of kittens for adoption. I perked right up. I know this probably sounds either sad or pathetic, or both, but when I saw that ad, I knew that my biggest problem moodwise was not having anything/anyone to come home to, to talk to, to cuddle with. Even if it's just a cat.

I went to the shelter, held a couple kittens, found one that seemed quite happy being held by me, and adopted him.

He's now called Taz. Short for Tazmanian devil, like the cartoon character. He spins around frantically trying to catch his own tail. One time, he scared the crap out of me when I heard him screech. The dummy had caught his tail and bitten himself too hard.

He's cute. Mostly friendly. He sleeps with me most nights, which is a great thing.

But he scratches me a lot. I have marks all over my hand. He doesn't seem to do it intentionally, at least not most of the time. But he doesn't seem to realize that he can keep his claws in when he's swatting at me. Thankfully, he seems to be doing it less often now.

Unfortunately, I had to return him to the shelter twice. He had really bad diahrrea. Eventually they got him on some medication that cleared it up. But it was very frustrating and upsetting. I felt like I couldn't let myself get attached to him, in case he was really sick and I wouldn't be able to keep him.

As I said, he's now fine, and we've bonded. But it was bad at the time, because I couldn't let myself feel really happy with him because of it.




In other news, I have a new computer. My last computer died, but thankfully I was able to transfer almost everything to an external drive before it finally gave up. It's a nice desktop. It was on sale at Staples because they were clearing their stock of Vista PC's after Windows 7 came out. But the nice thing is that it came with a free upgrade to Windows 7 anyway. I finally got the disk yesterday and installed it. Seems to be working fine. Fingers crossed.

Of course, I now owe my mom for the computer. 50 bucks a month until it's paid for. If I hadn't been able to put it on her credit card, I would have been computer-less.

But just to screw me, my trusty Palm Tungsten PDA isn't compatible with it, and checking the Palm website tells me that they think my Palm is so old that they no longer bother to support it. So I got the only PDA-like device I could (barely) afford, an iPod Touch. Palm still sells a couple straight-PDA's, but they're priced well beyond my means. Everybody else had smartphones. I can't possibly afford a smartphone, be it an iPhone, a Blackberry, Android, or Palm. I don't use a cell phone. And I can't afford the monthly fees they charge anyway. But I like having a tiny device that holds all my life on it.

The iPod Touch is nice. I was pleasantly surprised that the virtual keyboard works well, even with my huge fingers. The one thing I have to say to Apple is don't brag about the fact that there are 100,000 apps for the iPhone (and iPod Touch). Have you ever looked at the apps? Most of them are worthless. I'd rather have a smaller selection of apps, but have them be worthwhile.



As I said, my brother and his wife had a son. Jaxon, or Jax for short. I've now been down to Mississauga three times and seen him. I've got a few photos, so I'll try to post them.



It's almost Christmas. I think that's what's finally gotten me to post an update. I really enjoy Christmas. I love giving gifts. And eating rich foods.


Here's a video I'll share with you for Christmas.

It's by Garfunkel and Oates. "Present Face", about that unique look on your face you get when you open that gift you don't like.






As a few of you know, I really enjoy mash-ups. You know, where two or more songs are combined to create something new.

In the spirit of Christmas, here's where you can download two compilation albums of Christmas mash-ups.

http://www.bootieusa.com/xmas/


And another where you can download a whole bunch.

http://santastic4.com/collection/


In case you're wondering - they're all free to download.


Finally (see! I kept it short), I'm going to make an honest effort to catch up on everybody's blogs. I apologize for being so far behind with everyone. I really feel very guilty, like I've failed as a friend. I know that's not normal. I know most people, if they miss a few entries in someone's blog, just read and comment on the current one, and get on with life. But I feel bad doing that. Which means that I then find myself in the situation I'm in now, being months behind and having to catch up. I'll do my best.



If I don't talk to you soon, Merry Christmas!! Happy New Year!!

Okay, well, it seems I haven't posted a blog entry for almost two months. That's a long time, even for me.

Not sure why I haven't posted anything. I guess I feel like I don't have much to say. Or maybe just not anything new or interesting.

I'm feeling okay. Not great, but not awful either. It's actually a strange feeling, sort of empty. Sort of muted. I'm not feeling particularily depressed. But I am feeling just kind of blah.

Trust me, blah is a big improvement over the way I've felt for much of the last couple decades. So I won't complain too much about it.



I have a new nephew - Jax. He's my brother's first child. I'm leaving in a few hours to meet him. It'll just be a quick visit, to see him and take some pictures. He'll be the first nephew or neice of mine that I'll actually meet. My sister has three kids, but I've never met them. Yeah, we're a close-knit family.

Hopefully I'll have some pictures of him for my next entry.



I was mostly offline for awhile recently. My computer stopped working. Wouldn't boot up. Took it to be repaired. Apparently when you have 100's of gigabytes of music and movies, it clogs things up a bit. Plus my security software had over 150,000 files in quarantine. And didn't notify me. What kind of crap is that? You keep infected files and don't even tell me they exist, taking up space. Weird.

Anyways, after he fixed things, which included deleting about 80 GB of downloaded music (!!!!), my computer is working, and running better than before. But I do have to buy an external hard drive, if only to back up my music, so I don't lose it again. What ticks me off is that he deleted my music without even asking me, without giving me the option to buy an external drive from him and having him transfer the files.

Needless to say, while I will buy an external drive, it won't be from him.

Now I'm downloading loads of files, trying to replace at least some of what got deleted. Thankfully none of the files were, umm, actually paid for. So I guess I can't complain about having stolen files deleted.




Since my mom and I are going to Toronto to meet Jax, we're also going to the Vegetarian Food Fair. We went last year. It was great. Free admission, and a fair number of free food samples. And even the food they charge for is really inexpensive.

I'm not actually a vegetarian, but I like food in general, even it means no animals were killed to make it.

But I love bacon!

We'll end up buying some food to take home in a cooler. Living in a small place in the middle of nowhere, most of the food they sell at the fair will never be sold here.

I am hoping to meet up with a couple friends. We were supposed to meet up at the food fair last year too, so I'm crossing my fingers that it'll actually happen this year. Otherwise my mom may think that these friends are just in my imagination.





What do you know? After only a few paragraphs, I have nothing left to say. I guess when I don't feel like complaining, I'm at a loss for words.