nexttuesday

Last night I found out one of my supposed closest friends got married. I had no idea until after the ceremony. When I heard I texted him and asked if it was true. His reply:

"Yeah. Id a invited you but Joe (exhubby) was standing up in the wedding"

And I realized I will never live my divorce down here. My feelings will never be considered. My divorce that seems a lifetime ago will always be thrown back in my face by people I love so hard. I will always be "Joe's ex wife".

It makes me so fucking angry because they were my friends before Joe and I even started dating. It makes me so fucking angry because Joe and I can get along. It makes me so fucking angry that this is the SECOND fucking wedding I have not been told about for this very reason.

I cried....so hard.

It hurts to be seen as damaged good in the eyes of the people you once thought loved you. But it has steeled my heart. I was stupid to even think I could be cared for in the way I care for them. I want nothing more than to start a new life with Sublyminull. I want to make new friends who will never hide shit from me just because they feel the need to choose sides. I want my love to hold me and show me how good love is.

Too bad I dont have a way to come up with $5000 to make it happen.