What I Learned In West Virginia
or
The Adventures of Poca-hate-us in Pocahantus County
1. I LOVE (insert Heart picture) *Mountains.
*Mountain Top Removal is Wrong and a serious growing problem in Amerika.
2. Fog or Rain make for extra dangerous driving conditions in mountains.
3. It is not wrong to assume you can substitute Coconuts for Avocado's.
4. Gabby plays incredibly beautiful guitar incredibly well.
5. Millions of Lightning Bugs all together in a meadow look a lot like Hundreds of Flashlight Beams moving across the night.
6. Hills in West Virginia are always on the move.
7. The Amerikan government does not care about our American Family, BUT WE DO!
8. The name of my *Nemesis.
*Hint- Son of Childeric, King of the Salic Franks; born in the year 466; died at Paris, 27 November, 511.
9. I am very lucky to know that, without a doubt, the Reverend Shane is the Funniest Man Alive.
*Plans to start a chapter of the "Church of Shane" in Southern Ontario are under way presently."
10. "Imagination is More Important Than Knowledge"
-Albert Einstein.
11. Drinking Bourbon with Isaac is:
a) a little unproductive and not "food grade".
b) adventurous.
c) good, clean, Wisconsin-style wholesome (platonic) fun.
d) the best way to unwind after a long week of Donut making.
e) Not good for the people who show up late to get Donuts.
12. How to "Git Er' Done".
13. Going into the Woods is Good for You.
14. There is Hope for the Children of tommorow. *See #20.
15. It is mandatory to own at least ONE Pick Up Truck if you live in West Virginia.
16. Badda Boom, Badda Bing and Badda Bam make sweet music together.
17. The Violin is hypnotizing. Thanks for the private performance!
18. West Virginian locals only look mean until you actually say "HELLO" to them.
19. It is possible to:
a) make
b) see
and/or
c) do
just about anything at a rainbow gathering, no matter where it is or who you are.
20. The following states (their residents, animals and foliage inclusive) are Honourarily Canadian:
1. "Minne-snow-ta" (-Slug).
2. Wisconsin.
3. Michigan.
21. Sean is the Hardest Working Brother since Forever! Shouts out to the U-per and the good people they grow up there.
22. H M is without a doubt the *Most Insightful Brutally Honest Man Alive.
*Which makes him the Second Funniest Person in the World.
23. Pele is the Best Example of:
1. why women can do ANYTHING
2. why laughing is good for you.
3. the beauty of a goddess (of the Hawaiian Volcano persuasion).
4. how to live life without the strings attached but still be connected.
5. someone I will love to know for a long time.
24. "I'm happiest when I'm happy." -Rai (and baby)
25. The Monongahela National Forest has a piece of Canada trapped inside its mountains, the Second Highest Waterfall in the state of West Virginia, Salamanders, Newts, Giant Bats, Cranberrys, Strawberrys, Bears, NO "Deliverance" style Hill Billy's, and a little piece of my Heart.
26. What I like to do when I need some quality time by myself:
1. Eat mushrooms and take a bath at the base of a 63 ft. Waterfall.
2. Sing along REALLY LOUD with the Butthole Surfers and Suicidal Tendencies while driving through the mountains.
3. Walk through the Dark and *"wander the fields and listen for the sound of drums" using my Built-in Nightvision.
* -Buck 65.
27. You MAY NOT BE a Skater (but might be an ass) if you:
a) avoid telling other Longboarder's you Longboard.
b) say things like: "I can't ride where I live because it's too much like Santa Cruz it has too many big hills."
c) don't know what size or kind of wheels (or equipment) you ride.
d) refer to skateboards as SHORT BOARDS.
28. Losing your Stand Up Comedy virginity at Granola Funk Theatre can:
1. be really easy.
2. save the audience from the racist anti-French jokes of an incredibly annoying and terribly un-funny 15 year-old boy.
3. result in a super kickass wicked brother giving you an Avocado (all the way from CALIFORNIA!) at the end of your set.
29. Grandpa Made girls BRING THE NOISE.
30. It's completely legal to sell Moonshine at the liquor stores in West Virginia (legal enough that they do it eh).
31. Grunting makes HARD WORK easier.
Nice things and
,
N.
or
The Adventures of Poca-hate-us in Pocahantus County
1. I LOVE (insert Heart picture) *Mountains.
*Mountain Top Removal is Wrong and a serious growing problem in Amerika.
2. Fog or Rain make for extra dangerous driving conditions in mountains.
3. It is not wrong to assume you can substitute Coconuts for Avocado's.
4. Gabby plays incredibly beautiful guitar incredibly well.
5. Millions of Lightning Bugs all together in a meadow look a lot like Hundreds of Flashlight Beams moving across the night.
6. Hills in West Virginia are always on the move.
7. The Amerikan government does not care about our American Family, BUT WE DO!
8. The name of my *Nemesis.
*Hint- Son of Childeric, King of the Salic Franks; born in the year 466; died at Paris, 27 November, 511.
9. I am very lucky to know that, without a doubt, the Reverend Shane is the Funniest Man Alive.
*Plans to start a chapter of the "Church of Shane" in Southern Ontario are under way presently."
10. "Imagination is More Important Than Knowledge"
-Albert Einstein.
11. Drinking Bourbon with Isaac is:
a) a little unproductive and not "food grade".
b) adventurous.
c) good, clean, Wisconsin-style wholesome (platonic) fun.
d) the best way to unwind after a long week of Donut making.
e) Not good for the people who show up late to get Donuts.
12. How to "Git Er' Done".
13. Going into the Woods is Good for You.
14. There is Hope for the Children of tommorow. *See #20.
15. It is mandatory to own at least ONE Pick Up Truck if you live in West Virginia.
16. Badda Boom, Badda Bing and Badda Bam make sweet music together.
17. The Violin is hypnotizing. Thanks for the private performance!
18. West Virginian locals only look mean until you actually say "HELLO" to them.
19. It is possible to:
a) make
b) see
and/or
c) do
just about anything at a rainbow gathering, no matter where it is or who you are.
20. The following states (their residents, animals and foliage inclusive) are Honourarily Canadian:
1. "Minne-snow-ta" (-Slug).
2. Wisconsin.
3. Michigan.
21. Sean is the Hardest Working Brother since Forever! Shouts out to the U-per and the good people they grow up there.
22. H M is without a doubt the *Most Insightful Brutally Honest Man Alive.
*Which makes him the Second Funniest Person in the World.
23. Pele is the Best Example of:
1. why women can do ANYTHING
2. why laughing is good for you.
3. the beauty of a goddess (of the Hawaiian Volcano persuasion).
4. how to live life without the strings attached but still be connected.
5. someone I will love to know for a long time.
24. "I'm happiest when I'm happy." -Rai (and baby)
25. The Monongahela National Forest has a piece of Canada trapped inside its mountains, the Second Highest Waterfall in the state of West Virginia, Salamanders, Newts, Giant Bats, Cranberrys, Strawberrys, Bears, NO "Deliverance" style Hill Billy's, and a little piece of my Heart.
26. What I like to do when I need some quality time by myself:
1. Eat mushrooms and take a bath at the base of a 63 ft. Waterfall.
2. Sing along REALLY LOUD with the Butthole Surfers and Suicidal Tendencies while driving through the mountains.
3. Walk through the Dark and *"wander the fields and listen for the sound of drums" using my Built-in Nightvision.
* -Buck 65.
27. You MAY NOT BE a Skater (but might be an ass) if you:
a) avoid telling other Longboarder's you Longboard.
b) say things like: "I can't ride where I live because it's too much like Santa Cruz it has too many big hills."
c) don't know what size or kind of wheels (or equipment) you ride.
d) refer to skateboards as SHORT BOARDS.
28. Losing your Stand Up Comedy virginity at Granola Funk Theatre can:
1. be really easy.
2. save the audience from the racist anti-French jokes of an incredibly annoying and terribly un-funny 15 year-old boy.
3. result in a super kickass wicked brother giving you an Avocado (all the way from CALIFORNIA!) at the end of your set.
29. Grandpa Made girls BRING THE NOISE.
30. It's completely legal to sell Moonshine at the liquor stores in West Virginia (legal enough that they do it eh).
31. Grunting makes HARD WORK easier.
Nice things and
,
N.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
you're beautiful. welcome to limbo.