age: 22 (Apr 15, 1990)
MEMBER SINCE: September 2011
occupation: I art, I clean art rooms, and I use my skills as an artist to paint walls white.
fantasy: Living in a cave behind a waterfall.
stats: Curvy, baby.
sign: Aries.
into: Road trips. Clementines. Coke in a glass bottle.
crush: Thigh highs and Shock Top.
makes me happy: I love a good tea cup, but don’t own a single saucer. I do occasionally enjoy getting sauced with my beautiful friends, and simmering tomato sauce for long hours till the aroma fills the house. I love to wake up early to cook breakfast for someone in my bed. I like to jump on couches, read the same books repeatedly, and rescue treasure from thrift stores.
makes me sad: I don’t like to see people violent without a cause. I wish I could cure loneliness, as I’m sure that is the reason most humans grow perverted in their minds and hearts.
body mods: I have five minimalist tattoos, and big dreams on expanding them. I have my nose, my nipples, and (extensively) my ears pierced, with gauges.
I recently went on vacation to see my friends married, and had the most amazing 9 days.
These days were filled with joy and laughter and connection.
I haven’t connected with people like that in so long… I can’t truly say the last time my heart swelled with camaraderie this way.
I guess, in a sense, I’m aching for all my friends, all my soulmates, that I met.
We’ve now parted ways, all flying back to our own parts of the country, and I can’t help but wonder if these people miss me as much as I do them.
Don’t get me wrong- I have amazing friends in NM, but it’s a different kind of connection.
These people immediately embraced me for all I am, and also for all I have been and will be.
With my friends in NM, I only share the present, and can not bond with them over my past or future.
I hold these friends so close to my heart- they serve an irreplaceable and unforgettable part of me.
How can I compare apples and oranges, really?
It frustrates me so!
But perhaps it’s because of a feeling I have in my body for one of these new friends that goes deeper than just platonic friendship that is causing me to toss and turn in my every waking and sleeping hour.
I’m utterly restless for his companionship, and I can’t hardly think around, over, under, (name your preposition), it.
What is even crazier is that I went out to DC with a certain sir on my mind- someone who is fun in/out of bed- someone to waste some time with and to perhaps invite to the wedding- but I saw this new man, and he truly is a man, a gentleman, and immediately all thoughts of the other flew out of my mind like tiny, flighty Virginian finches.
I want him.
I want him more than I can understand or explain.
I have not felt this simple, pure desire in so long…
I can not even eloquently express this yearning because it is raw and unbridled and new and frightening.
And I can not have him.
I can not have...
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deuteranopia